Just went on Kerri-Anne and babbled my head off. Have new respect for television hosts who sit there calmly as the crew spin around them like orbiting planets, attaching mikes, adjusting hair, whispering in their ear, ‘We’re changing the order, Kerri-Anne. Segment four is now number seven, third after the break, ok?’ K.A. just nods, as if she can take that in while chatting to her next guest, me, whose book she probably got last thing yesterday afternoon. I know she’s going to start with the brothel, setting of my first book, and work her way through to my third book, How Now Brown Frau. Mustn’t let K.A. talk too much about sex workers, I mutter to myself, as I call her ‘Kerri’, and agree that the Germans can come across a bit dour, although ‘I wouldn’t put it like that’. ‘Fifteen seconds!’ a voice calls, and all I can think about is Jesus, Merridy, you just called Kerri-Anne “Kerri”, and suggested she lacked tact! ‘Ten seconds!’ Mustn’t talk too long about sex workers and first book. Am here to sell third book! Third book’s about Bavaria, not brothels. ‘Five seconds.’ And in two, three, hold two three, and out two three. Not dour… not dour…

Talked my Kopf off, mainly about sex workers, made very little sense, managed to mention my third book briefly at the end before being swiftly ushered out as they ushered in my replacement, an American comedian carrying an enormous stuffed bear. One day, I tell myself as my publicist Anna takes me downstairs for a coffee, past the previous guest, a gorgeous girl in nine inch heels who, despite looking about seventeen is apparently already an ex Miss Australia, ‘Bye Jacinta, lovely to meet you too!… One day, I tell myself, I’m gonna be good at this. ‘You were fine!’ everyone says. And look, I was. Barely told Kerri-Anne one thing about my latest book, but nor did I vomit on her. A cognitive behavioural therapist would say, ‘See? And nor did you hyperventilate, or die.’

And for that – I’m grateful. And also grateful to dear old Tassie, where according to my proud dad, my book has made it into the top ten, at number three. Woohoo!