English: Glum face Corbel in St.Benedict’s church, Haltham-on-Bain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Brace yourself, I’m going to make a huge confession: I’m neurotic. I prefer the terms “eccentric” or “unique” but the fact remains that I am truthfully, neurotic.

I’ve always been this way, but as I get older (don’t even ask) I find myself struggling even more with the darker parts of my personality. I could blame genetics (it’s my parents’ fault), I could wallow in self-pity, I could even point to traumas in my youth (mostly my fault, those).

What dragons do I wrestle daily, you may ask? Depression. I work constantly to push it away and distract my psyche. I was always kind of meechy as a kid, slightly glum when in my 20’s, but things went really awry when I had my daughter. At the same time I had constant immense stress at work. The combination left me teetering on the brink of sanity. I’m better now. For how I got better, keep reading. Wait for it…

Another dragon in my life (maybe only a really large lizard) is self-worth. I feel I must be working at all times, or at least productive or I am not worthy. If I take a day off to laze around or relax, I feel guilty. I’m working on getting over that. I think a trip to Europe might help. Or the Bahamas.

Luckily, or perhaps not for the people reading my blog, I have not lost my sense of humor. Some days I misplace it, though.

So, how does one as neurotic as myself be great when I feel like something icky on the bottom of someone’s shoe? I make a mental list of what I can do, what I can do well, and things I’d like to do or learn. Then I focus on one or two of them for the day. Geeky? Perhaps, but it is more productive than watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix (although that’s good therapy, too.)

Today I am going to concentrate on my retail and marketing expertise. I manage a small non-profit thrift store for a local organization that helps at risk youth and struggling individuals and families. (Chehalem Youth and Family Services) I have been in retail for, oh…mumble…mumble…many years now, ever since my parents went into the antiques business when I was twelve.

I have worked in the non-profit sector for thirteen years now, sometimes part-time and sometimes not-so-part-time. Eventually I want to get a degree in non-profit work, when finances allow. (The rotten deck and stinky carpet come first.)

I also volunteer as a member of the Friends of the Newberg Library, selling donated books and media for them online. These are items not needed for circulation, the sale of which raises funds for programs, other materials for circulation, equipment, etc. Since libraries are among my favorite places, I find this quite satisfying.

I’ve also done it long enough, for myself and others, that I am really good at it. In the past 12 months, internet media sales have cleared a profit of over $7,000 for the library. I feel really good about all of that, which quiets the dragon (or large lizard.)

What do you struggle with?