When I was a Platoon leader we deployed to 29 Palms California. Some folks will ask, what the heck is an army artillery unit doing on a marine post? We were an MLRS battalion (Multiple Launch Rocket System – and we shoot really far!) and we needed space to shoot our systems and 29 Palms was just about perfect because the entire post is an impact zone. We loved it. Anyway, we had been there for about a week or so and I had my platoon set up in a platoon operating area. I was driving around early one morning looking over some things when the urge in my bowels hit me.
I told my driver to stop the vehicle and I climbed out, grabbed the shovel, the toilet seat, and walked around to the front of the vehicle. I then dropped the grill on the hummer, clamped the toilet seat to the grill, and dug a hole directly under the seat. I climbed on the seat and began to read. My driver, having a bit more couth walked around to the rear of the hummer so as to smoke a cigarette.
Unbeknownst to me, my platoon sergeant saw my humvee from a distance and not knowing what I was up to decided the area I had picked was a good place to feed chow. He approached my vehicle from the backside and he was oblivious to my disposition.
Our normal procedure for feeding chow was for the platoon sergeant to call the launcher chiefs and have them meet us at a centralize location, back the two humvees together, drop the tailgates so he would have two flat surfaces to serve chow from.
Imagine my surprise when I heard the tell tale sounds of approaching tracked vehicles and right in front of me there was one screaming towards my position. As the launcher approached I saw the launcher chief pointing and laughing his ass off. I looked to my left and saw another launcher approaching. This is a situation they really don’t train you on at OBC (Officer Basic Course). I did what every good leader would do in this situation…I reached for the toilet paper.