August 1989

Dash rang the doorbell a little before 8 am. He wore his hair short now… I had cut it in the garage with a pair of clippers and a spray bottle, only nicking him once. He was wearing an Agnostic Front t-shirt and jeans pulled over his oxblood boots. Always so cute.
“Hey,” I said, cracking the door. “Come in for a sec. My mom wants to say hi.” I rolled my eyes.
He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and licked over my bottom lip. I pulled away and pushed on his chest. “Go.”
He rounded the corner. “Hello, Mrs. Wyman.”
“Hello, Dashiell,” she responded, always calling him by his given name. “Senior year.”
God, she was embarrassing.
“Yep,” he answered.
“You need to take care of my Ava. You drive her around in that deathtrap of yours… I just need to make sure she’s safe. She’s the only daughter I’ve got.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He looked over at me and smiled. “She’s the only girl I’ve got.”
My mom smacked him on the back. “Go. You kids are going to be late.” She turned to me. “You. Home straight after work. No going to Dash’s.”
“Fine,” I huffed. “Straight after. Can he come here?”
“Until 10. That’s it. You’ll probably have homework.”
“Mom, we never have work on the first day. It’s more like an orientation.”
She laughed. “Okay, whatever you say. Home straight after.”


When Dash and I got into the car, he immediately pulled me into his side, the definite benefit of having a classic car: the bench seat. I craned my neck back on the leather as he removed my glasses and pressed his lips against mine, lightly brushing the inside of my mouth with his tongue. He tasted like Doublemint.
“Dash,” I breathed, pulling away. “My mom is totally looking out the window.”
“I can’t help it. I need you.”
He and I had been dancing around the sex issue for over three months. I was a virgin; he knew that and respected it, but… it was still excruciating. Every night, he went home with swollen balls and I suffered a pulsing ache between my legs.
“Maybe this weekend,” I said. “Your mom is gone… I don’t know.”
“Really?” he asked, pressing his lips to my neck.
“I said maybe. Let’s go. We’re gonna be late.”


That night, during my shift, we listened to the new Red Hot Chili Peppers LP, Mother’s Milk. It wouldn't be released until the next day, but we always got previews at the store. Dash hung out with me, pretending to sift through the used tape bin. Mostly, he just tried to get me to make out with him behind the racks.
“Go home,” I told him. “You’re gonna get me fired.”
He looked around at the empty store. “They gave you a key. You’re all by yourself. Who’s gonna fire you?”
“I don’t know, Dash. There are probably cameras or something… watching you play grab-ass with me during my entire shift.”
He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait for this weekend.”
I walked over to the S bin, carefully putting new tapes in their slot. “I said maybe, Dash.”
“That’s good enough for me. I’ll let you get back to work… I’ll be back in an hour.”
I looked around quickly and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Don’t be late.”


That Saturday, Dash picked me up at noon. We told my mom that we were going to the beach; our actual plan was to hole up at his house all day. Dash’s hope was that this would be the night. My hope was that I didn’t throw up on him. I was a wreck.
I knew I wanted him to be my first, but I wasn’t sure we were ready for all of that. We had known each other for a year, but had only been really together for four months.
Still, I shaved my legs. You never know.
We started off on the couch. I sat on the opposite end, carefully tucking my legs between us, creating a barrier. He continued to move closer by the minute. I suggested we watch a movie. Even though it was one of my favorites, I could barely focus on the television. My whole center was on Dash and how dangerously close I was to clutching his shirt and ripping it off.
“This movie is ridiculous, babe. Why are we watching this?” he asked, turning towards me.
“It’s romantic, dick,” I answered, throwing a piece of popcorn at him. “She wants to be with him, but can’t. All of her friends hate him because he’s different.”
He pulled at my legs, straightening them and pulling me into his lap. “Speaking of romantic,” he said, clicking the television off.
It was deadly quiet in that room, our faces inches apart. “Hey,” I whispered, “Let’s walk down to the beach.”
He groaned. “You bring your suit?”
“I had to. My mom was stalking me all morning. I think she’s onto us.”
He smacked my backside. “You can change in my room. When we get back, you owe me some alone time.”
Oh, God. Alone time. The flutter between my legs was back.


I loved that Dash lived on a private leg of the beach. There were less than twenty people in our stretch. We spread out on a towel a few inches from the shore. I guess if we had to live in Indiana, this part of the state didn’t suck.
He rubbed his fingers over my stomach, tracing along my navel.
“Stop. There are kids over there.”
“I’m not doing anything. I’m barely touching you.” He turned his attention to the small radio I had brought with me. “God, how is it that every time you pick the music, it’s horrible?”
I smacked his hand. “This is really good.” Echo and the Bunnymen’s Ocean Rain played in the background. “It’s reflective.”
He laughed, covering my midriff with hot sand. “Fucking reflective… please. If we go back to my house, I’ll let you play all the shitty music you want. I just want to kiss you where we don’t have an audience.”
We had only been down there thirty minutes, but I was starting to feel his anxiety. “Okay,” I said. “I’m holding you to the shitty music comment. My choice… all day.”
He packed our bag and clicked the radio off. “Don’t care. I’m in too good of a mood.”


We lay in his bed, fully clothed, staring at the ceiling. Dash had kept his promise, letting me pick the music we listened to. I chose Depeche Mode’s Music for the Masses.
“I know what you’re doing,” he said. “Trying to make me run.” He rolled towards me and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Not gonna work.”
He leaned in and kissed my neck softly. I tried to focus on the background track, “Agent Orange,” bouncing off of his bedroom walls. My body was betraying me as his hand slipped into the band of my pants. I pulled it away and pressed my body against his, wrapping my arm around his waist.
Kissing Dash was flat-out literally the best sensation in the world. My whole body lit up when he pressed his lips to mine. But… I had questions.
“Dash,” I breathed. “Hey… stop for a sec.”
He pulled away and laid his head back on the pillow, breathing heavily. “Ava, come on. You’re killing me.”
“I know. I just wondered… you know… how many girls have you done this with?”
He faced me. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. You’re 17. I hope it’s not too many to count.” I folded my arms over my chest.
“Ava, I just meant that you aren’t gonna like any answer I give you. If I say ‘one,’ you’re going to wonder who that one girl is. If I say ‘ten,’ you’re going to leave.”
I opened my mouth in surprise. “Ten, Dash?”
“See, Ava? Whatever I say is going to set you off. Fine, you want to know? Two. Jill Jordan and Sarah. Well, one, technically. Just Sarah.”
He was right. I didn’t want to know. I felt sick to my stomach, sitting up in bed. “Take me home.”
“Ava,” he whispered, sitting up and taking my hand in his. “Listen to me. Jill and I have known each other since we were five. It’s not going to make you feel better, but… the first time was when we both drank for the first time. We were both totally smashed and she made an attempt to give me a blow job.”
I shot him a look of mortification.
He continued. “An attempt, Ava. I never slept with her and it was obvious that she had never done that before either. She literally gagged and threw up on my lap.”
I laughed instinctively, but forced myself back to stoic. “And? What about Sarah?” My voice went back to cold.
“She wasn’t a virgin. Let’s put it that way. She was very experienced. I started to try, but she was less than thrilled with my performance. She was pushy and forceful… I don’t know… she bit me down there. I told her that I didn’t like it and she told me that every guy liked being bit and that if I couldn’t stay hard, I was probably gay.”
I laughed again. I couldn’t help myself. “But you said that you slept with her.”
“Well, I did. Kind of... just once. She gave me another chance, but it was totally embarrassing. I hadn’t ever used a condom before, so I didn’t know exactly how it worked, really. She helped to put it on. Then, she sat on top of me for like ten seconds and it was over.” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “So, there you have it, Ava. One time… in her fucking stupid car. For ten seconds.”
“So, why did she stay with you?”
“Better question is, why did I stay with her? I was literally scared of her all of the time. She was over-sexed and nuts.”
I smiled a bit and lay back down.
He leaned over me and pressed his lips to mine. “You still mad?”
I pulled him closer and wrapped my legs around his waist. He ground his erection between them.
I laughed and pushed at his hips. “I thought it would be worse, actually. Shannon told me that you had girls all over the Chicagoland area. I’m not mad, honestly, but I don’t think tonight’s gonna happen. Can we just lie here?”
He kissed me once more and rolled over onto his back. “What would Shannon know about it?”
“You know how everyone in this town likes to talk. She just heard from someone who heard from someone… she said that you were the ‘king dick’ of the club scene,” I teased.
“King Dick?”
“I don’t know… that’s just what she said. I didn’t even know there was a club scene.”
He smiled and lowered his head to my waist, pushing up on the hem of my tank top. His tongue drifted over my navel. “You’re my club scene now.”
I sighed, letting him take things a little further. He pulled at the material of my shirt, lifting it over my head. “Hey,” I said. “My 18th birthday is in a month. If you can wait…”
“I can wait,” he breathed, kissing around my collarbone. “Can I still kiss you?”
“Yes.”
“With your top off?” he joked.
“Yes,” I croaked. “But… the bra stays on.”


September 17.
My birthday fell on a Saturday (perfect). That morning, a huge bouquet of red roses was delivered to the house. My mom nearly fell over. “Ava Jayne!”
“Wow,” I responded, sticking my nose into the petals. “They’re beautiful.”
“There’s a card. Read it!”
“Out loud?”
She gave me a head cock. “Yes, out loud.”
I tore back the tiny envelope and pulled the card into my palm. “Ava. I love you. I can’t wait for tonight. Dash.”
I swallowed.
“What does that mean? Does he have something planned? And since when does he love you?”
“I don’t know. He’s never said it before. And yeah, I think he has something planned. It’s a surprise. Dinner on the beach, I’ll bet.”
Yeah, right.
“Sounds romantic.” She stepped closer. “Not too romantic, okay? You’ve got plenty of time in your life for all of that.”
Could she hear my heart pounding out of my chest?
“I know,” I whispered.
I was ready to be with Dash. Every time we were together, we slipped further into gray territory. We had done a little already, but I definitely wanted to make sure that I was an “adult” before we took it any further. I was older than he was by one month. Technically, I would be taking advantage of him.
The phone rang. I rushed to the kitchen and nabbed it off the wall. “Hello?”
“How’s my birthday girl?” Dash asked, his voice full of morning grog.
“Better now. Got your flowers.”
“Oh yeah? Can you be ready in an hour?”
I squealed. “For what?”
“It’s a surprise. Your mom can come.”
“Seriously?” I whispered, turning my back to my mother.
“Trust me. She won’t be with us all day.”
I hung up and raced to the bathroom, nearly sliding across the linoleum. “Mom!” I screamed, “Be ready in 40 minutes! Dash is picking us up.”
I showered and took my time applying the “good makeup.” This meant a full face. Kohl eyeliner, mascara, powder, lipstick. Definitely not my weekday basic face of Lip Smackers and one wand of mascara on each eye. I pulled my hair into a high bun and poked bobby pins into it all over.
I was pulling on my boots when the doorbell rang. “Ma! Can you get that?” I spritzed some Calvin Klein perfume into the air and walked through it before I ran down the stairs and into Dash’s arms. “Hi, baby.”
He squeezed tightly and let me go, holding something in his hand. It was a small box, wrapped in shiny silver foil.
“For me?”
He nodded.
I tore back the paper and lifted the lid to find a thin silver necklace with a black hanging stone in the center. “Ohmigod, Dash. This is so beautiful.” I handed it to him and turned around. “Can you help me put it on?”
He worked the clasp and settled his lips to my neck. “Happy 18th, Ava.” When I turned back around, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. “I love you.”
My eyes stung immediately. It was the first time he had ever said that. I clutched my arms around his neck and hugged him hard, whispering, “I love you, too.”


Dash took me and my mom back to his house. When we got out of the car, I could see Jane setting up outside. “Come on, birthday girl!” she yelled.
I walked over to the deck. “Wow, Jane, this is amazing.”
She had a whole breakfast set up on the patio. Coffee, juice, eggs… the works. She closed the gap between us and squeezed me tight. “Happy birthday, sweetheart. I love you.”
My mom walked up and politely gave Jane a swift hug. “Thank you for having us. It certainly is nice to see you outside of Dr. Hill’s office.”
Jane sighed. “It certainly is nice to be out of that office. You look great, Bernadette… as always.”
My mom laughed. “Thanks.”
“Dash, can you grab the fruit from the fridge?” Jane asked, patting him on the back.
He started inside, grabbing my hand along the way. “Help?”
I followed him in. As soon as the door shut behind us, he grabbed me by the waist and kissed me. Hard. “I wanted to do that when I got to your house, but your mom was there.”
“Wow. Happy birthday to me.”
“I’ve got another surprise for you later. As soon as we drop your mom off, we’ll go. Bring your bathing suit.”
“Ah. You’re throwing me a pool party. Should have guessed.”
“No… but there will be a pool.” He grabbed the fruit from the refrigerator and handed me a serving spoon. “So it will seem like you’re doing something. Always so lazy.”
It didn’t take long after we were seated for Jane to start up her usual gossip-mongering. I loved Jane, but that woman knew how to talk. She was constantly going on about some woman from the club or church or wherever. I had learned to basically nod my head and act like her gibberish meant something. Today, however, the gossip became personal.
“Well,” Jane whispered, “I was talking to Bev Ticknor the other day. Turns out, David has gotten himself into quite the pickle. That Arden girl is in ‘the family way,’ if you know what I mean.”
Everyone knows what you mean.
“Shannon?” I asked.
I knew that she and Dave had been seeing each other recently, but she had never mentioned that they had been sleeping together. And pregnant? Holy shit.
“Yes, I think she did say her name was Shannon. Anyway, Bev says that Shannon wants to have an abortion (whispered), but the Ticknors are Catholics. Bev just doesn’t feel right about that.”
I looked over at Dash. He was fiddling with a fork and looking at the table. He knew. Dave must have told him. He briefly made eye contact with me, but went back to the fork, slumping in his seat a bit.
“Isn’t that Shannon’s choice, though?” I asked.
“Well, it takes two to tango, as they say. I think David should have a choice.”
“Does Dave even want a baby? He’s barely eighteen.”
“He and that girl should have thought about that before they had unprotected sex. You two can take a tip from this little lesson,” she noted, looking between me and Dash.
My face flushed as I looked over to my mom. She had her arms crossed over her chest.
Dash sat up in his chair. “Ava’s a virgin, Mom.”
Yep. For about another five hours.
“Well, that’s good,” she responded, rubbing my arm. “It’s nice to know that there are good girls still out there.”
“Shannon’s a nice girl,” I corrected. “People make mistakes.”
“You’re right. So,” she said, changing the subject, “What are you two going to do today?”
Dash reached over and took my hand in his, rubbing his thumb against mine. “It’s a surprise.”


After breakfast, my mom and I helped Jane with the dishes. Dash had a duffle bag that he grabbed from his bedroom, taking it outside to the car. “Hurry up, birthday girl.”
Jane nudged me. “Hey, all that stuff earlier… I’m sorry. I know she’s your friend. I just worry about you two making that kind of mistake. I know you’re a good kid and I know you two care about each other. Anyway… have fun today.”
She wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back and grabbed my purse from the kitchen table. “Bye, Jane. Thanks for breakfast.”
“Anytime, honey.” She blew me a kiss... it was sweet. Dash did that sometimes.


When we got back to the house, I asked Dash what I needed to bring.
“Swimsuit. Towel. Maybe a change of clothes.”
“Be back in a few minutes.”
I left him on the couch and went upstairs to pack. My mom came into my room and closed the door. “Hey,” she whispered, rubbing my back.
I turned to her. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to talk to you about what Jane said earlier.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know, Mom. No sex before marriage… blah blah.”
“No, not that. I agree with you, you know. People make mistakes. I know Shannon’s a nice girl. She’s always been perfectly respectful; your dad and I like her very much. I just wanted you to know that if she needed help… she can count on your dad and me. I’m sure she’s scared out of her mind right now.”
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “Thanks, Mom.”
“That being said, I don’t know where you and Dash are going today, but I still need you home by midnight. No exceptions. And call with the number where you are. Also, no exceptions.”
“Okay.” I shoved a few things in my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. “Love you.”
“Love you, too, superstar.”
God, she was embarrassing.


We traveled down Red Arrow Highway with the windows down. I sat close to him, his hand between my thighs; his thumb lazily rubbed the skin a few inches above my knee. This time, Dash picked the music: Bad Brains. Twenty minutes later, we pulled up at a small, brick bungalow.
“Where are we?”
“The guy that George’s mom dates lives here. I think his name’s Tom.”
“Well, this is sort of weird, right?”
“Well, he doesn’t really live here anymore. He lives with them in Long Beach now, but he hasn’t put it on the market yet. He gave George a key and told him that he could use it on the weekends. I think he was trying to be the ‘cool’ boyfriend. Since George hasn’t had a girlfriend like ever, he hasn’t had much use for it. It’s got a pool and it’s on the beach. Nice, right?”
I opened the door and stepped out onto the driveway. “Yeah, really nice.”
It was white-washed with some copper brick bleeding through. The front door was a bright turquoise, mimicking the water. Dash fumbled with the keys and opened the door. The floors were light wood, overlooking a huge sliding glass door. The pool was just beyond the glass, crystal blue and sparkling. Despite his obvious shitty taste in décor (dolphins, Tom?), it was a great place.
“What do you want to do?”
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Hmm, pool.”
A few minutes later, I changed in the (awful) bathroom and met Dash outside. He was in a pair of black trunks, no shirt. For doing absolutely no exercise that I knew about, he was super fit. In the bathroom, I had spent a good 30 seconds just trying stretch my bottoms across my ass. Unfortunately, the material that existed wasn’t growing. I always felt like, no matter what, I couldn’t cover that thing.
Dash loved it. He called it my “best asset,” smacking it often. Boys were gross.
As if on cue, Dash strolled over to me, squeezing one cheek in his palm and wrapping his other hand around my back. He kissed me lightly. “Let’s get you wet.”
“You’re disgusting,” I responded with a laugh, pulling away.
We spent an hour in the water before I started to feel the effects of the sun on my pale skin. “I think I’m gonna go in. I’m burning.”
He pulled on the silver handles of the ladder and lifted himself out, putting a hand out for me. Once we were standing, he pulled me into his chest and kissed my neck.
“Hey, can we talk for a sec?” I asked.
“We can talk about whatever you want.” His lips traveled down my shoulder.
“Dash, stop for a sec. Did you know about Dave and Shannon?”
“He called me last night.” He walked over to the chair and grabbed our towels, throwing mine towards me. “Heads up.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it was after nine and I know your mom’s fucked up phone rule. This morning, she was with us the whole time. When was I supposed to tell you? Besides, I don’t even know that it’s our business, you know? That’s between them.”
“Do you think we should wait?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that obviously sex is a pretty big deal… I mean, what if I got pregnant?”
“You wouldn’t,” he said. “We’re not stupid.”
“Condoms don’t always work, you know that.”
“I know, which is why I think you should go on the pill. You’re 18, so you don’t need your mom’s permission. You can just go to the clinic.”
I stared at him. “Why can’t you go to the fucking clinic? Maybe I don’t want to be on the pill.”
“Ava, I would take a fucking pill if they made one for guys.” He walked back over and rubbed my arm. “Fine, you don’t have to take the pill. I just don’t want to worry about that stuff this year. We’ll be going to college in the fall…”
“About that,” I clipped, “you haven’t even told me where you’re going. You know my plan, but I don’t even know what you’re doing. I mean, do you see this as being long term? Because if you do, we need to talk about that. If you don’t, then we should probably end it now.”
“Ava, what the fuck does that mean?”
“I mean that before I get all wrapped up in this… and I lose my virginity, I want to make sure that I lose it to a guy that actually gives a shit about me.”
He backed up, staring at me. “Whoa. What’s happening? Are you trying to end this?”
I stepped closer, softening my voice. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just scared. This is big, Dash. I mean, why did you bring me here today? I’m assuming it wasn’t to splash around in the pool all afternoon.”
“I brought you here so that we could be alone. I thought you wanted to be together. We’ve talked about it nonstop. If you want to go home, I can take you home. But I thought you wanted this…”
I closed the distance between us and cupped the sides of his face, pressing my lips against his. “I do. Do you?”
He picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder, smacking me once on the backside. Sliding open the door, he took me down the hall and into the master bedroom, plopping me down on the bed. There were mirrors everywhere, including the ceiling (seriously, Tom?).
I laughed aloud. “Who is George’s mom dating? Hugh Fucking Hefner?”
“I know, right? Either this guy’s a major player or wants to be.”
“I’m almost afraid to get under that thing,” I responded, pointing to the black satin comforter. The sheets matched, pillows propped against a gold headboard. I don’t even think it was actually metal. It looked to me like plastic painted in a metallic glaze.
“He has a housekeeper… and he hasn't been here all month. The sheets are clean, even if they are fucking tacky. Be back in a second.”
He disappeared into the living room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Did I want my first time to be on a king-sized black satin covered bed with a plastic gold headboard? Who was I kidding? If given the time, I could come up with a million excuses as to why I wanted to wait.
What exactly was I waiting for though? I knew Dash. I loved him. He was the only person that I could picture myself being with. Was it because he was 17? I mean… big deal, right? He’d be 18 in less than 30 days.
Dash came back into the room with my portable CD player and a package of condoms. He set them on the side table, plugging the radio in.
“I want to wait,” I blurted out.
He laughed and sat down on the side of the bed. “Okay. I figured. It’s the bed, right?”
I squeezed his hand. “No, it’s fine. I have a proposition.”
“Okay, what?” He looked deflated.
“Your birthday is in 22 days. I promise, promise, promise I won’t make you wait any longer if you can wait until then.”
“It’s because I’m not 18? Come on, Ava.”
“I know, it’s ridiculous, but it means something to me. I need to wait just a little longer. We can still make out if you want. I’ll even get under these creepy sheets with you. You don’t think he’s killed anyone in here, do you?” I joked.
He pulled back the comforter and patted the bed. “My balls are literally tucked inside of my body by now. What’s 22 more days?”


October 9.
I called Shannon that morning. “Hi, can you talk?”
“Yeah, for a minute. What’s going on?” she whispered.
“I don’t want to get you in trouble. I just missed you. You weren’t at school today.”
She breathed into the line. “My stepmom took me into Chicago today.”
“Oh.” The procedure. She had decided to go through with it. “I saw Dave at school. Why didn’t he go with you?”
“His mom wouldn’t let him.”
“You okay?”
“No, would you be?”
I paused. “No. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean anything.”
“I know. Dina’s coming. I’ve gotta go. I’m gonna be out for a few days, so don’t worry about me, okay? See you Thursday, maybe.”
“If you need anything, you can just…”
“Bye.” The line went dead.
I clicked the receiver and called Dash. “Hey,” he said.
“Hi. Come over? I made you a birthday cake last night. Wanna eat it?”
“Be over in ten. Love you.”


I ate a small piece of cake, but my stomach was full of butterflies. Every time I looked at Dash, I knew. He knew this was our big fucking to-do. Now or never. I couldn’t make him wait any longer.
I didn’t want to.
I was so ready. That didn’t mean I still wasn’t nervous. My record store job didn’t pay for a lot, but it did allow me to buy a nice set of black underwear from Carson’s. The girl behind the cash register was in my French class. Of course.
Dash ate two pieces, licking his fork. “Now what, Wyman?”
“Mom!” I yelled. “We’re going out. Just down to the beach. Maybe to Dino’s… back by ten.”
She yelled back, “Happy birthday, Dashiell!”
“Thanks, Mrs. Wyman.”
I didn’t want him to know where we were going, so I had to keep the directions simple since he was driving. Turn left. Turn right at the next light. Pull in here.
The Lakeview Inn was 20 miles from Long Beach. It was expensive for me, at 69 dollars a night. After tax, I had to work 15 hours at the store just to cover the cost. But… I didn’t want to lie on Tom’s creepy black satin sheets or smashed into the backseat of the Chevelle.
I knew we would only be at the inn for four hours or so, but it was worth it. It had to be worth it. He turned off the engine and smiled. “Aw, sweetie. Look how cute.” He was mocking me.
“Screw you, Walker. I can easily go home if you’d rather.”
He opened the door. “No way. Let’s go. God, I hope the girl at the front desk is wearing a bonnet.”
“You’d only be so lucky. Hey, we could have ended up at the Tomahawk.”


Check-in was mortifying, but why wouldn’t it be? Two 18 year-olds trying to pull one over on the innkeeper? Yeah, probably not possible. But, we both had ID and I had a reservation, so they could judge all they wanted… from two towns away.
Dash sat on the side of the bed, unlacing his boots and pulling them off slowly, studying the floral décor. “Yep, exactly what I thought it would look like in here. It’s a lot of pink.”
I went into the bathroom and took a few deep breaths, staring into the mirror.
It’s just sex, Ava. It’s just sex.
I slowly unbuttoned my shirt and jeans, removing and folding them with precision. I turned sideways, trying to get a view of my new underwear from the back. Not bad. The bra was all lace, my breasts pooling over the top. I tried to tuck them back in but, I guessed it didn’t matter much. Within minutes, that bra would most likely be airborne.
I pulled a toothbrush from my purse and squeezed some paste on the tip, placing it in my mouth.
“Wrap it up, Ava Jayne,” Dash yelled.
I regretted ever telling him my middle name. When I let it slip that I was named after the two famous starlets Gardner and Mansfield, he poked fun of me for days. Luckily, his mom was a crime novel nut… his name had quite the backstory as well.
I spit into the sink and wiped my mouth. Pulling the bobby pins from my hair, I let it fall over my shoulders. Go, Ava.
When I walked back in the room, Dash gave me a low whistle. “Wow.”
I quickly got into bed beside him, embarrassed. “What? It’s not any different than my bikini.”
He pulled me closer. “Trust me, it’s way different. Hey, if you feel uncomfortable or I hurt you somehow, tell me to stop, okay?”
I nodded and pressed my lips to his. He pulled me towards the center of the bed and gently lay on top of me. It was perfectly quiet, the only sounds coming from our lips. He was dressed only in boxer shorts. No shirt, no pants.
He reached around to my back, fumbling my bra strap with shaky hands.
“You okay?” I whispered.
“Yeah,” he responded, choking out a feeble laugh. “You?”
I pulled him close and ground my body against his. He softened… became more confident, his fingers gripping my back. This time, his efforts at the clasp were successful. He slowly moved the straps down my arms and tossed it on the floor. I was embarrassed immediately. The lights weren’t even turned down.
“Dash, can you get the lights?”
He smiled at me. “I just want to look at you for a second. Is that okay?”
His gaze was lingering, pressing kisses into my skin. It tickled. “Okay, you’ve seen enough. Lights.”
He clicked off the bedside lamp. It wasn’t quite dark out yet, but getting there. There was low shine through the sheer curtain. His hands lowered to the elastic of my underwear. I moved my hands from his side and pulled them down myself.
He pulled at his own underwear, his now naked body touching mine. It was so different without a barrier between us. I wanted to touch him, but felt nervous. I mean, I’d heard about what happened to high-school guys. They could climax just by thinking about it. What if I touched him and then it was over? I knew he wasn’t technically a virgin, but… let’s face it. He kind of was. I didn’t think that ten seconds of fumbling in a car counted for much.
I lightly moved my hand to his hip… then closer, brushing along the tip. He let out a sharp breath.
Please don’t finish. Please don’t finish.
He moved, gently pushing in closer until my hand was wrapped around him. I had literally no one to compare him to. I’d never even seen another guy naked, unless you counted seeing an uncomfortable issue of Playgirl that Tracie Bronson revealed from her mom’s bedside table. I certainly didn’t study the photos, shoving it back in her hands, petrified of being caught.
Dash’s skin was warm. He felt comfortable. His breath picked up pace as I slid my hand down. I had no idea what I was doing. I tried to keep my speed very slow. I wanted him ready, but not too ready. When my thumb brushed along the edge, I felt a warm trickle of liquid come out. I pulled away instantly. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“Ava, that’s supposed to happen.” He leaned in and kissed me gently. I seem to remember it occurring once before in his basement. I was feeling bold and ventured just below the flap of his jeans. His underwear felt a little wet, the substance sort of silk-like.
“Do you think you’re ready?”
I nodded my response. He reached to the side table and tore a condom off of the perforated pack. He took his time, carefully rolling the sides and pulling gently at the top for any air.
He turned back to me, smiling. “God, I hope this isn’t a disaster,” he said, laughing.
“Come on,” I teased. “Show me what you’ve got.”
“No pressure,” he responded lightly. “Okay.”
I instinctively shifted my knees as he settled in between my legs. He lowered his head, kissing my neck. “I love you, Ava.”
“I love you.”
With that, he pushed in slowly, tears springing to my eyes. It was barely an inch inside, but my first instinct was to get it out. I waited, trying to focus on his face. He studied me, rubbing his thumb over my bottom lip. “You okay?”
I nodded (lying).
Dash pushed in a little further, at least halfway now. My body started to stretch a bit, getting acclimated to the burning sensation. It didn’t feel good, but it did feel better. He moved slowly, pushing in using the footboard as gentle leverage. The bed had to be fifty years old, squeaking at every movement.
I tried to widen my stance, spreading my knees further apart. The next time he pushed in, it was easier… even mildly enjoyable. I let out a light moan.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No,” I whispered. “It was good. Keep going.”
He laughed, burying his head in the crook of my neck. “I don’t know how much longer this is going to be… I’m sorry.”
I kissed his shoulder. “It’s fine, really.”
His pace picked up a bit, his breath coming faster. “Oh, God… Ava.”
The faster he went, the more friction he created inside. The burn wasn’t unbearable, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable. Luckily, I didn’t have much longer to wait. Dash let out some sort of low groan (picture bear caught in a trap here), his body slack on top of mine. He was breathing harder than a normal human should, coughing at ten second intervals.
“You okay?” I asked.
He pulled out slowly, causing me to wince. “I’m sorry, A. I feel like a total idiot. You didn’t like it, did you?”
Was I supposed to lie?
“It was fine. A little uncomfortable, I guess.”
He kissed me gently. “It’ll be better next time, I promise.”
“I know. Hey, we have the room until I have to be home… maybe we can try again in a little bit.”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t you need to go…?” I asked, gesturing towards the bathroom.
“Oh… yeah.” He shuffled out of bed and flipped on the bright light.
I covered my eyes briefly and stood. I turned back towards the bed and immediately gasped. There were tiny droplets of blood on the perfect white sheets. I followed Dash into the bathroom, passing him as he stood over the trash can, removing the condom.
“Shit… I bled.”
“It’s okay, Ava. That happens sometimes, right?”
“On the bed, Dash,” I responded, looking for a washcloth and wetting it. I rushed back to the bed and scrubbed at the spots, getting most of it out.
“It looks fine. Don’t freak out.” He grabbed a towel from the bathroom and laid it on top of the sheets. He patted the bed, gesturing me to come lie on it with him. I crawled in and buried my head in his chest. “Let’s just lay here. Relax.”
I breathed in his scent, closing my eyes, becoming calm almost immediately. Fifteen minutes later, we were in it for round two.
It was better this time. Lasted longer. Less painful. More pleasurable. I was still sore, but it was a good kind of sore.
A totally worth it kind of sore.