The company where I work loves to open meetings with ice breakers. This practice has allowed me to learn some unusual things about my fellow co-workers, but I do love seeing the side of people I spend so much time with that isn’t related to our daily tasks. Recently someone asked us to each share what the best gift we’d ever given might be.

Strangely, this was difficult for me to answer. Most of the people answering had exciting things to say: tickets to a world series, technology equipment, trips, etc. When it came my turn, I realized the gift that truly answered this question didn’t fit in with the items other people had answered.

Eighteen years ago, my husband and I were newlyweds. We were both in college, and money was tight, basically covering our expenses paycheck to paycheck. We didn’t have much left over for gifts to each other, so we agreed we wouldn’t buy each other presents. It was a difficult thing to agree to because I hated the idea of not giving him something. Knowing we’d have some time alone on Christmas morning before we joined our family at lunch, I decided to try and come up with something meaningful, but would still honor our pact to not spend money.

I sat down in front of my computer and typed out all the special moments we had shared over the past year. I didn’t try and describe them; I literally just made a paragraph style list of the things we’d done that held meaning. Some were obvious, like attending a concert, others were more precious to us like a sunset we watched over Lake Michigan, or watching shooting stars while we laid out on a blanket. My intention had been to make a short list, but by time my brain ran out of examples to share, I had filled three typed pages.

That Christmas I gave my husband no fancy presents, but I did give him my memory of all the special moments we’d shared…those things we experienced together that I treasured above all gifts I had ever received. He read the letter, and understood exactly what I meant. Later, he made it very clear that it was the best gift he’d ever received, and he wanted that same thing in his stocking each year no matter what the future might hold for us.

To date, he has seventeen letters, each written quickly with no advance thought. I literally just think back over what we’ve shared during the last twelve months and let the memories wash over me as I type. Then, with only a quick proofread, I print it out, sign it and seal it for a special delivery in his stocking. Some letters have spoken of joys so great it was hard to put into words: the birth of our children, respective college graduations, ideal jobs, etc. Others have included sorrows that were only borne because we had each other to lean on: difficult situations, the loss of a job, the death of a parent. It was tempting to leave out the sad memories, but I realized, with the wonderful gift of hindsight, that even through the painful moments we grew closer together, we learned about each other, we survived by leaning on each other, and despite that being hard, we could still celebrate the moment of knowing when we needed support most, there was someone there to provide it.

This Christmas there will be presents under the tree. Our kids want for little this time of year. However, I am most looking forward to the look on my husband’s face as he carefully pulls items out of his stocking, looking for the letter he knows will be there. He won’t open it during the craziness of the children tearing through their gifts. He’ll keep it in his lap, and then later, he will take it up to his office. At some point, late in the evening, he will open it up and read it by himself. Then, once he’s done remember everything I’ve recalled, he will come and find me and wish me a Merry Christmas.

It wasn’t a flashy gift, but of all the things I’ve given, it’s the one that we both seem to appreciate the most. It is as much a present to myself as it is to him, because it’s impossible for me to write without being overwhelmed at how lucky I am, and how blessed we’ve been over the past twelve months.

This Christmas, I hope you all receive a “best gift ever”. Not distinguished by its large price tag, but by the true value it holds.

Merry Christmas, and happy reading!