I’m in a self-congratulatory mood (which usually means something terrible is about to befall me, probably in the form of bodily fluids from one or both of my children), but until my pride causeth my fall, I will shareth: I am a genius.

I have a job in which is it considered research to:

1) Watch Gone With the Wind.

2) Read Little Women, Jo’s Boys, Eight Cousins, Rose in Bloom Under the Lilacs, Jack and Jill, and any other books by Louisa May Alcott you care to mention.

3) Read and watch Jane Eyre...