I teach science of happiness and am known to some as the joy fairy, so some folks think I never have a melancholy moment.

Not true. We all do. Understanding happiness means that you accept the emotions and do not squash them. You express and experience. That goes for the joy and the moments of blah too.

Of course I feel sad sometimes. Knowing that we don’t always feel on top of the world means that we handle the pain better when it does come.

I have been a distracted mopey mess today, so it’s time to practice what I preach. Feel the pain.

I’ll spare the details but my ache is due a loved one in the hospital in extreme pain. I have spent the morning ruminating, worrying, feeling awful and not getting anything done. That does not do anyone any good.

So I let myself cry. Expressing. No more squashing. I have done all I can, materially and physically, to help our loved ones. Now we simply must wait. I hate waiting. I hate feeling helpless. So instead of staying in that energy, I force myself to shift into a different energy.

A good cry is cathartic. When you let yourself let loose, the crying jag usually does not last long. It’s when we try to suppress it that it keeps raging back. Let it out. Go cry and see if you even make it past ten minutes.

After a cry, the take action gene usually kicks in. Do something. Take a walk. Exercise. Clean the house. Punch something. Movement and physical activity release chemicals that relieve depression and anxiety. If you are prone to depression, make sure you do something that makes you sweaty.

Take in something of beauty. Watching the birds and squirrels for a few minutes takes me out of my head and calms me. Do some art therapy like coloring or squeezing PlayDoh. Turn on a music video on YouTube that lifts you up. Know what works for you. For me, “Under Pressure” with the Kermit puppets and “Good Morning” from Singing in The Rain usually help uplift me.

Do an activity where you can feel accomplishment. Maybe you clean out and organize the junk drawer. Unload the dishwasher. Do a load of laundry. Do anything that you can do without thinking too hard yet is productive. Let that propel you to something else.

Write in your journal. Writing is very healing. Getting it out of you and on to paper is a wonderful thing. If you are feeling overwhelmed with worry, write it all out and then burn it. Then switch your energy to writing out the best possible scenario. Feel the energy shift within you.

When you are in a place of missing someone or feeling their pain, consciously move from that energy to love energy. Instead of thinking how much you miss them or how much they are hurting, simply channel positive love toward that person. Focus on the love. Focus on any one thing that you can be grateful for in the situation.

It takes effort to do this, but it’s worth it.

Another way to feel better is to do something kind for someone else. If you have a loved one in ICU who cannot accept flowers, you can still buy flowers for others. Way back when I was in the pain of my divorce, I often gifted bouquets to people just because. It made their day and it helped me.

When you take physical action, be it walking, writing, or buying flowers, you can shift your energy. You may still feel sad, but it won’t be the bog-you-down miserable sadness. Happy people get sad. They don’t deny it. It’s part of life. So is joy. That will come back too. Feel it all.

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