Every society and culture that has ever made something delicious to eat has had to grasp the idea that all good things come to an end.  Predictions of apocalypse are made regularly – here‘s a handy list.

The Vikings, those bearded funsters, were possibly the most impressive of the lot when it came time to predict the end of the world. They called it ‘Ragnarok’, which was pretty cool to start with. They were well aware that the Norse Mythology had far too many characters, so they prophesized that vaguely ‘some time in the future’ bad things would happen and everyone would die, spectacularly, when more or less all hell broke loose.

According to various reputable sources I found on the Internet and must therefore be true, the precise date is 22.02.2014. Further supporting this, Viking myths claimed it should be after a ‘Fimbulwinter’, which is like 3 winters rolled into one.  This fits neatly into the 3 winters’ worth of rainfall we’ve had this year.

So we’ve pretty much established that the world is about to end today.

However, some of you may have made plans. You might be about to bake a cake. Maybe some football takes your fancy. There might – nay, should – be a good book or two waiting for you somewhere. So with that in mind, here’s Snorri’s Handy 3-point Plan for Surviving The Apocalypse.

1)      Stay away from massive, fire-breathing wolves. Fenrir will be released, and he will eat Odin. Unless you want to be a human-sized doggy snack, look out for paws the size of a house – although to be fair, that’s probably not going to take too much effort.

2)      You might want to give the seaside a miss. The serpent of Midgard will toss and turn, causing huge waves and general flooding. People currently able to grow rice in Devon and Cornwall will not need to change their daily routine.

3)      My personal favourite – watch out for marauding hordes of giants, particularly Hrym who will be sailing on his ship ‘Naglfari’. It is made from the finger- and toenails of the dead. Goes well with the general life rule of avoiding giants who craft ships out of body parts.

If you make sure you remember at least two out of these three you should be fine.

With regards,

Snorri