Even in sobriety, my jealousy has remained a huge challenge. I’m jealous of people who have the success I very desperately want/ed to have. I can’t seem to separate competition from jealousy. I can’t be happy when good people have the success that they worked hard for. I used to use alcohol to put me in a place where I could hide from this truth…and the truth that I haven’t reached the goals I set for myself, even though I recognize that they might have been specious, needy weak-minded goals.

I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know if that’s what I should be worried about.