I most often write poetry when there is something inside that I can't let out in any other way, something might be just a little too dangerous to talk about. This is a poem I wrote soon after my Dad died.

I Remember

I remember cuddling on the couch, peeking through your fingers at the scary movie.
I remember talking for ages on the phone about my favorite books, which you read only because I loved them.
I remember you hugging me and telling me I was smart when I did well in school.
I remember you reading to me before I went to sleep.

But then, I also remember hiding parts of me for fear you would not love me as much.
I remember her tears when she did not hide and you seemed to love her less.
I remember her pain as you burned the thing she loved most because you thought it evil.
I remember weeks and weeks of silence because she said a word you did not like.

I remember crying out in my head, asking, “How can you be these two different people?”

But then, I also remember you being sick.
I remember when they took your leg.
I remember when they cut into your brain.
I remember when you barely remembered anymore.
And you were not yourself anymore so I could not ask you the question screaming in my brain.

And finally, I remember you frail and broken and gone.
So there was no one left to ask and all I have left is to remember.
So I remember it all: the bad and the good; the tears and the hugs; the anger and the love.

I remember you.