Turmoil.

I live it.

Mostly, I'm learning how to live through it, but it is one of the more challenging life lessons I've been handed.

Turmoil happens. We've all been through it and will go through it again.

This time, it has zapped all of my creative energy. Wait. That is not true.

It has zapped all of my productive creative energy. I can still imagine my life's antagonists making crucial mistakes that would set me free. I still have elaborate fantasies of magical events like lottery wins to pay legal costs AND life expenses. I can still conjure up a brew of faith that all will be resolved without my having to inject the situation with time and money and energy I just don't have.

Yes, my imagination can still perform remarkable acts. It just cannot write a story. It cannot write a story right now.

What does offer its comfort is other kinds of writing work. When I can write in the realm of facts, research and quotes, all my intellect is engaged and I can focus completely on the task at hand for hours at a time.

Facts aren't cold. Quotes aren't without personal impact. Research really is often like the most interesting kind of detective work. These three things are the setting, characters and plot of information rather than entertainment.

Entertainment is not a distraction I can afford right now.

I do wish there was a way to construct some elaborate scenario and to rescue my children and I from our current turmoil the way characters in stories manage to make one brave or brilliant choice that changes everything. But no. I need patience and persistence. I need focus so that facts, quotes and research can shine through these life dramas and end this one...even if a happy ending for all is impossible.