[Alternate title: From Greaser to Soc: A Painful Paradigm Shift]

I may not be far enough out of the proverbial woods to write about this, but I am going to give it a whirl in hopes that it may be of some use to you. I promise to revisit this theme if and when I gain more insight. Just so you know: the whole reason I write anything is to share my liberation with you so that you may also experience freedom to live with sovereignty.

There have been several times in the last few years of my life where I accomplished something or realized I valued something in which I suddenly wasn’t sure “who I was” anymore. The first time it happened was after my first 10 mile run; not only did I outrun some old demons, I actually knew that I had left them behind forever. When you suddenly are released by your captors, your elation is accompanied by confusion, because you quickly find yourself in unfamiliar territory without a plan.

Another time was walking back to my car after attending an arts open house at what was to become my daughter’s school. My soul leapt with recognition that “this was it,” even though “it” was diametric to what I thought were my hippie values. I stunned myself. Again, the excitement of my true Self emerging brought with it a shattering of identification, and that is disconcerting at best.

It also resulted in real things breaking.

A few months after the second shattering, everything was changing: the writing was on the wall that I could not take up permanent residence in my corporate job; I was finding my voice by writing a book; my daughter was entering this amazing school. Basically, all at once, I was running into all of my thresholds that kept me in homeostasis. At this crucial time, I fell and broke my ankle on an early morning run (and I have only had one other injury in my life). Two weeks later, I crashed into a woman who ran a red light (and I have never been in a real car accident before). It was a difficult, painful, and costly time in my life. Thank God it happened.

Looking back, I see the beauty of it, much like the beauty of a real birth. And real births are painful, messy, and bloody. They require a crashing through of thresholds in order to become manifest. This new Self is still in its infant stage, but she is so precious and fabulous. I really like her a lot, and she continues to surprise me.

So if you find yourself in a situation in which, all at once, everything seems to be falling apart, breaking, or changing, you may just be on the verge of something incredibly wonderful. Trust the process, know it’s for your highest good (even if it takes you a few years to see it), and love yourself. I think it was James Hillman, Jungian author and teacher, who postulated that life only makes sense looking backward. That’s why faith is such a powerful thing; you don’t understand “why” something is happening, but you can trust that someday it will all make sense.

Amy Allen is a transformative healer and teacher of wisdom and success methods, conducting private healing sessions and teaching Lit from Within workshops for health, happiness, and positive self-esteem and body image. Whether clients struggle to love themselves and their bodies from a lack of self-care or a drive for perfection, they will experience a powerful and embodied transformation through Amy’s work, which directly addresses mind, body, and spirit.

She has been doing this work for over 15 years and has worked with hundreds of people to live healthier and happier lives through her unique blend of compassion, difficult truths, and humor. Her diverse training and scope of practice includes the world’s religions, philosophies, and healing methods. To visit her website, go to www.litfromwithin.net.