It began with disappointment.
The image in which I had created you wasn't coming true.
The items on the list I had written weren't being marked off.
Over and over in my head I recited my grievances,
making sure that I would remember each detail of every moment that you didn't measure up.
Everyone does this, I told myself, not understanding the depth of the sickness I was allowing to slowly consume me.

Selah.*

My disappointment quickly turned delusional, and I began to scour my brain for proof of your unfaithfulness.You’re looking at me funny, I would say, like there’s something you’re hiding from me.The proof of your sin was written indelibly in my mind as I held I court, convicting you without explanation.Your heart began to die, but I never even noticed.

Selah.
Suddenly, I decided to fight for you; but, by then it was too late.I found your letter on the nightstand.I read it and wept bitterly.

Selah.
*Selah is a biblical term, found in the book of Psalms, that’s meaning is closely akin to “pause and dwell on that for a while.”
This poem © Kevin Walker. Published August 2014.