Tea & Crackers Campaign: Chapter 9

Earl Tugg must have driven the forty miles straight up Highway 75 to Live Oak to do a radio interview that afternoon, because the talk show host had lots of material and quotes to start slamming Veda on Monday morning. Of course, I never listen to that AM station, but it can be heard clear to Jacksonville and Tallahassee. Even so I didn’t get the details for a few days, but it pretty much became Tugg’s declaration of war on Veda.

From what I pieced together from snippets and what others tell me, Tugg and his wife spent an hour speaking to radio host Barney Cricket with high moral indignation. Cricket, a prune-faced man with a shock of white hair, is an old ham radio operator in his sixties. He’s lived in Live Oak all his life and owns orange groves. He runs an evening call-in talk show with a sizable late-night audience, Chawing on the Florida-Georgia Line . In the early morning, the station covers farm reports and crop prices for truck vegetables and melons, wholesale landing prices for oranges and other tree fruit, and plays a mix of country music and Grand Old Opry selections. It has the ear of the Florida panhandle farmer.

The interview went something like this: “So Democratic candidate Veda Rabadel, a fifty year old woman, bared her breasts at the Micanopy Flag Day Parade? And the Gainesville news station has video proof of this outrage? I can’t wait to see that. Sounds like an interesting campaign for District 28. I’m sitting here with incumbent Earl Tugg, and his lovely wife, Barbara. So tell me what happened,” Cricket began.

“No, it wasn’t Veda Rabadel, herself, it was one of her supporters on the back of a Harley Davidson motorcycle, riding in the parade in a bikini. She pulled off her top and stood up and exposed her breasts for every God-fearing small child and innocent young girl to witness. It was disgusting, on a blessed day dedicated to our flag and American patriots no less,” explained Barbara Tugg.

“That’s right. I was ashamed for the people of Micanopy, and the people in District 28, that my opponent could so disrespect all the God-fearing good folks of District 28, which I was elected to represent and which I have fought for in Washington, DC, which is a cesspool of government waste and big spending. And now she dares to bring that kind of behavior back home,” Earl Tugg elaborated.

Well, Barney Cricket demanded a detailed explanation; in fact, he harped on it. Was it one breast or two? Was she flaunting her chest? Was she paid to do it? Or was it a costume malfunction like for Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl halftime show?
“It was clearly a planned event for the television cameras, a disgusting and vulgar display of public nudity that took all eyes away from our sacred flag and the dedication and sacrifice of our wounded warriors,” Barbara Tugg explained.

“I intend to run a clean and fair campaign and I respect a candidate like Veda Rabadel until her people go and do something like this. It’s a shameful stunt that insults ever God-fearing voter in District 28 and I think the young woman who bared her breasts should be arrested. And I intend to call the Florida state attorney general to look into it,” Tugg said.

“Clearly, we question whether Veda Rabadel has the patriotism required to love our country if she allows this kind of behavior to represent her campaign,” Barbara Tugg said.

“I wanted to bring this disgraceful act to the attention of the God-fearing and good farmers of the Florida panhandle so we know what a vote for Earl Tugg means. The alternative is to disrespect our flag,” Tugg said.

“Well now these are strong charges and the brazen behavior of a harlot, whether Veda Rabadel approved of it or not. It makes you wonder about her capacity to represent the district in Washington, DC,” Cricket summarized.

“That’s my point exactly,” Tugg said. “If she can’t control her people, and allows them to act out and throw their breasts in our faces, then I question her leadership skills. She’s not like me, I’ll tell you that,” Tugg said.

“Throwing their breasts in our faces, that’s a new low in campaign electioneering here in District 28. Now you’re absolutely confident we’ll see proof of this on the evening news out of Gainesville? I’ll be watching for visual proof. I hope they run it again at ten o’clock,” Cricket said. “While I take your word for it Earl, as gospel, I have to see this myself, and I‘m sure our listeners will want to tune into the TV news this evening. Might this be the beginning of a woman’s movement come to District 28 to unseat you?”

“There’s no woman’s movement against Earl,” Barbara Tugg said. “Women have no reason to complain about my Earl. He’s a God-fearing man that always looks out for his family, his community and his country.”

“Yes I have. Yes, I do. And Yes, I always will,” Tugg assured Cricket and his radio audience.

The interview ran on for Tugg to make all his points about his voting record in Washington, DC and how highly he was rated by the Constitution PAC, the American Patriots PAC, the Compassionate Conservatives and the tea party. Tugg made it sound like he was ready to be the next President. Barbara Tugg chimed in: “And filled with moral fiber. Earl served his country in the reserves, and now he serves his country by being a voice of farmers and conservatives in our nation’s capital. It’s a job he’s earned, a job he does well, and a job he should keep.”

“Well, you’ve got my vote,” Cricket replied, “but you don’t need it. All the polls predict you’ll win this race by a wide margin. Despite Veda Rabadel’s actions to get some skin in the game.”

Cricket laughed at his own joke and had a coughing fit. Earl Tugg probably chuckled some but was then heard to say, “Why thank you, Mr. Cricket. Your support is much appreciated.” Barbara Tugg didn’t say anything at all.

With that kind of Sunday evening radio promotion, folks throughout the district tuned into the Gainesville news station at ten o’clock to see the video footage of the parade for themselves. The station did not disappoint, and showed the bare-chested woman with a black bar across her breasts two more times. And they included Veda’s sound bite again, so I was happy with it.

For the ten o’clock news, someone thought to call the mayor of Micanopy, Arthur Danforth, for a comment. He said: “Micanopy is an artist community with books shops, art galleries and a few buildings on the historical register. We believe in the freedom of expression here. If that orchid-tattooed girl came back as an artist’s model, I think she’d make a fortune. So we hope you all will come back to do some vacation shopping here in Micanopy soon.”

A few days later, a history professor at the university commented on bare breasts. “It used to be quite common in the early Bronze Age, especially on the island of Crete. You can see it in their murals. It was only after the Athenians colonized the island that a stricter form of dress and temperance was imposed.” I trusted the professor because I never bothered to look it up.

Despite quoting the professor on his radio show, Cricket didn’t let up for a few weeks. He kept piling fire and brimstone damnation on the Flag Day event. I didn’t see what damage it did, as it kept Veda’s campaign in the news and made it a discussion topic on the late-night call-in show. I think it was some students in Gainesville that got the last laugh. They started wearing simple white t-shirts with a black bar stenciled across their chests.