Usually when I get in this type of in-depth discussion with someone it has to do with whether or not someone has a predisposition toward being gay or straight? For me – and perhaps only for me – it is a no brainer. Speaking from my own experience, there is no amount of environmental stimulation or provocation that could have deterred my being straight. From the time I was first exposed to members of the opposite sex – other than my brother and my father – I was smitten with my first attraction being a boy named Neil in Mrs. Grady’s first grade class at Lakeside Elementary School (I didn’t attend kindergarten) so many years ago. He was smart and a little bit shy with brown curly hair and bluish-green eyes. I was so painfully shy that it took me until the 7 grade to admit my attraction, and at that point he became my very first boyfriend, but alas that love was not meant to last, as he – like his brother before him – was shipped off to a prep school in Boston not long after the eighth grade, which taught me early on ….. love sucks.

However, what I’m talking about here is the primary effect environment has to play on the success or failure of our most important intimate relationships. From a strictly genetic point-of-view, I don’t believe any of us are predisposed toward failure in relationships; therefore it would to stand to reason that the environmental role is key when it comes to our ability to maintain good health in any relationship. Many of us – me included – make the mistake of thinking when we are involved in a relationship that it is just the two of us, when in actuality this is rarely the case. Most of us literally surround ourselves with a cast of players on a day-to-day basis – some who play leading roles – while others play support on a variety of different levels. While Hillary Clinton may have written It Takes A Village to support the concept that it takes many people’s help and influence to successfully raise a child, it’s my belief that same village expands to even greater numbers once we reach adulthood, when we expand our horizons to include not only friends and family, but also co-workers and business contacts, as well as any number of others that might include your hairdresser, personal physician, grocer and dry cleaners ….. basically anyone you see on a semi-regular basis.

As we develop these ongoing relationships, we tend to open up about ourselves and our private lives in the form of brief discussions sometimes revealing intimate details about what’s going on in our lives and how it makes us feel. As a result we get unsolicited input that cannot help but influence our thinking in terms of our own perceptions about how well things are developing between ourselves and our partners.

Question ….. have you ever seen a car you loved that you thought you’d never seen before, heard a song on the radio that instantly struck a particular chord, started using a ‘catch phrase’ you thought was entirely unique or gravitated toward a particular color you thought was new only to discover you’re suddenly seeing or hearing it everywhere? This is a common phenomenon that happens to each of us on some level multiple times throughout our lives, and science has actually given it a name. It is called reticular activation and it is believed to play a major role in our important daily functions including sleep and behavioral motivation, as well as the beating of a heart, according to according to wiseGeek.com.

Therefore it stands to reason – from a purely scientific point-of-view – that when we are hearing constant reinforcement – positive or negative – it cannot help but play a role in terms of our thinking as to whether or not we feel good about the person we’re with at any given time. Thus whether we like it or not, we’re allowing ourselves to be influenced by the people around us, if only subliminally.

If you doubt my words, then ask yourself this, “Have I ever been in a relationship that I felt so entirely happy with only to have it crumble once I revealed it to others, who then started chipping away at my bliss by planting seeds of doubt rooted in cynicism from their own past failures, or suspicions about ulterior motives that may or may not exist?” We all want to be happy, but there is a jealousy inside us that oftentimes rears its ugly head once we witness that very happiness that has remained elusive to us manifest in others. As a result, whether intentional or not, we will then opt to make ourselves feel better about our own situation by dampening someone else’s spirit. I know it’s an ugly thing to have to face about yourself or someone you trust, but it’s there, and it’s in all of us, and the sooner we identify it the more effective we will be at exorcising its power over happiness in general.

An honest and good relationship founded on mutual love, trust and respect for one another is indeed rare and worth protecting – sometimes even from the very people we care about the most. Ultimately we are all captains in charge of steering our own vessel through all the rough waters life’s situations will eventually place us in as we chart our individual course. Whether you choose to go it alone or allow someone else in your life who will not only support your dreams, but be there for you – without judgment – should you falter is a decision that should be made only by you. Then at least the victory or defeat will rest solely at your own feet, and the likelihood of regret will diminish considerably.