Even just denoting a meet up as a “date” makes a Brit uncomfortable, let alone using it as a verb to describe an activity we partake of. As soon as we try using it in a sentence, we have to put some ironic air quotes around it just to get the word out.

Try this line out loud and tell me you didn’t cringe or go into fake American accent to step outside yourself and make a joke of it.

I’m dating right now.

How about this one?

Yeah, we dated for a while but it didn’t go anywhere long term.

The typical English scenario is to herd ourselves into bars in packs, down shots until either bravery or shamelessness enables talking to a member of the opposite sex, maybe text for a while, meet up and then, so as not to have to “date” them, slip straight into a relationship without discussing it.

If we’ve been out with someone more than once they are  morally and socially obliged to then stop seeing  anyone else, even if we’re not officially “in a relationship” on Facebook yet. We’d be well within our rights to set up public stocks to pelt two timers with stale Yorkshire puddings.

Americans invented dating culture. They’ve certainly written the most self help books about it. But WHY are they so good at something we just can’t seem to manage? And WHY, since we end up adopting almost everything else about American culture, have we not embraced this too?

Allow me some theories.

All Americans grow up with dreams about Prom. And along with this corsaged and spiked punch pinnacle of their High School lives is the therapy fuelling fear of Not Having A Date For Prom. From a very early age,  the men need to get in the habit of asking girls out and girls start building their week around which day the guy should have asked her in order to meet the requirements for going out on Friday night. This is fully ingrained by the time they leave High School and they graduate into adulthood with a full set of dating skills.
Americans invented drive-in movies, ice-cream parlours and booth style dining. Perfect venues for dates – in fact going there in non date contexts must be a bit weird. Whether these arose to fill the venue gap for millions of brace encrusted dating teens or whether they helped fuel dating culture is a question for historians.
They get their driver’s licence at 16. There’s not a lot else to do since they can’t drink until 21 so going to the Look Out and making out post movie and ice-cream soda is about all there is to do in their shiny new Cadillac. It’s all much cooler than the UK version, shuffling awkwardly round to someone’s house to call for them, then hanging out at the rec/tennis courts/town tip drinking vinegary cider from a 2 litre plastic bottle.
Point 3 is aided by the ridiculously low petrol (gas) prices in the States. They can go on as many dates as they like. Taking a girl out in the UK means a petrol expenditure that  has to result in a relationship to make it worth the investment.
I wouldn’t be the first to describe America’s foreign policy as aggressive but perhaps the first to see its blindingly obvious parallel with dating. What could be more foreign than girls to a teenage boy? American teen boys  go all out to invade and conquer that alien territory.
The American Dream – work hard and you’ll achieve your dreams – vs English bitterness – succeed and everyone will hate you. Americans are programmed to believe that if you try, you’ll get what you want. A date for prom with the Head Cheerleader could be yours if you just ask her. For the English failure is the most likely result of any planned action and there are plenty of newspapers and magazines ready to celebrate your downfall if you dare to try.
Much as I would hate to see our monarchy demoted to ordinary citizenship and sweep away centuries of tradition, it hasn’t been great for the British dating psyche. There’s a pecking order that can’t be broken ever, no matter where you go to University, and an elite that you either belong to or don’t. In America everyone is equal – even the ones they don’t let vote or leave homeless after hurricanes – which has to help the idea that whoever you ask might just say yes.
Americans might have millions of channels but it’s British TV that’s got the quality and fewer ads. Our TV is just too damn good to spend 2 or 3 nights a week dating. And anyway, who needs real relationships to gossip about when we’ve got Ricky and Bianca’s ups and downs and will they/won’t they?

It’s no surprise that the Americans are weathering the global recession better than us. Millions of dating couples are powering their economy in bars, restaurants and drive ins across the nation. If we’re to survive economically, let alone romantically, Brits need to import the only thing, apart from peanut butter and jam sandwiches, that we’ve so far ignored.