The insane antics of a Florida election, 2014.

Chapter 11: The Barney Cricket Right Wing Radio Interview

Once past the reception area, Barney Cricket’s radio studio had a plate glass window that looked out onto the main street of Live Oak. I noticed passers-by would stop and watch his broadcast for a while, some giving him a thumbs up, and one or two giving him a thumbs down. Even with air conditioning, it was a small, cramped space and hot from all the radio equipment, panels with dials and audio boards and such.

Cricket made Indian John stay in the lobby but invited me into the studio to sit next to Veda at her microphone. She sat facing him across from his desk and held her deck of crib cards in her lap. I noticed Indian John wouldn’t stay put and wondered outside to peer through the glass to watch. I could tell he wanted to protect Veda and we had no idea what Cricket would ask her. All I had to defend her with was a bottle of lukewarm spring water. We didn’t expect much from Cricket in the way of journalism, more a rant and a pander to the moral majority and the religious right.

He oriented us to the microphones and pointed to the On Air light on the wall and a blinking green light on top of the microphone which indicated it was live. The equipment was controlled by his producer, a young man sitting in an even smaller glass front control room behind us. Veda settled into her chair and asked about Cricket’s son, who was going to graduate from the university in a year with a degree in journalism. Cricket asked me about the Steinhatchee Bobcats, while he eyed my legs and my chest. I looked for a place to spit, but didn’t. “Undefeated,” I said. He smiled at that.

The clock on the wall buzzed at eight o’clock. Cricket held up a hand and counted down on his fingers, then launched into the introduction of his show. “Good evening Gator Nation and the panhandle farm community. Welcome to Chawing on the Florida-Georgia Line. This is your host, Barney Cricket. With me tonight is Democratic candidate Veda Rabadel who wants to be our US House representative in Washington DC. She thinks she can beat Earl Tugg, our elected Republican representative who won his seat two years ago by fifty thousand votes. I hope most of you were listening in the other night when I had Earl and his lovely wife Barbara as my guests. He said some nasty things about Veda and the moral integrity of her campaign, flaunting naked skin and all. Now maybe Veda will clear the air for us. So, Veda, what do you have to say about turning the Micanopy Flag Day parade into a bare naked event?”

Veda reached out and tapped her microphone twice and pulled it closer to her mouth. “Is that really what you care about, Barney? Or are you pandering to your audience? I feel like I caught you behind a bush with binoculars at the nudist beach.”

Barney gulped and I laughed out loud. Indian John, standing at the window, flashed Veda a thumbs-up sign. “I’m sure your audience has seen that TV news video by now, maybe even two or three times. It was a beautiful day in Micanopy and a grand day for a parade. My group followed the American veterans from foreign wars. My campaign believes in standing behind our veterans.

“Now, Barney, it’s a fact of life, women have breasts. And the younger they are, the better looking their breasts tend to be. And men gawp, and that’s about all there is to it. But, Barney, if anyone in your audience feels offended, let me be the first to apologize, sincerely.

“I was looking forward, not backward, so I didn’t see her. But if you want me to explain it, maybe its best understood as a spontaneous example of one woman’s excitement over my campaign. I want to run a campaign that people can get excited about. And I want my campaign to be a voice for all the people of District 28, no matter how much of their bikini they happen to be wearing. It’s important to get people excited, Barney, if we’re going to beat Earl Tugg and change the course of District 28 politics.”

“Now, wait a minute,” Cricket responded. “I’ve seen that TV news story and I was embarrassed for you. That was a public display of nudity, or half nudity, plain and simple.”

“Yes, it sure was, and again if that young woman’s excitement offended any of your listeners, then I hope you will accept my apology.”

“So are you planning any more bare naked campaign events?”

“Now, Barney, there you go, pandering again. That young woman’s excitement was not anything I planned. It was spontaneous. And I encourage all my supporters to keep their shirts on. In the next few weeks, I’m organizing a series of open house meetings at local high schools in Alachua, High Springs, Maitland, Live Oak and Lake City. At these events, I’m confident folks will keep their clothes on. At these events, voters can get to know me and we can discuss the issues that concern our district.”

“So you’re saying you didn’t instigate that young woman into taking off her bikini top for the TV cameras?”

“Yes, that’s correct, Barney. But now that a pair of breasts have your attention, let me tell you what my campaign is really about. District 28 has a large suburban population of voters on the outskirts of Jacksonville, Ocala and Gainesville, and a large rural agricultural base of voters from Dunellen to the Georgia line. My job is to weave them together into a unified whole, and represents both sides equally. If the voters slow down long enough to look at it, these two groups already have a working relationship. One side feeds the other. The other side helps educate the other, and provide jobs and opportunity for their children migrating off the farms. It’s that simple.”

“So then you’re saying these naked shenanigans will stop and you’re running a serious race?” Cricket asked in a softer voice.

“You bet I am,” Veda responded. “My job is to represent both sides of the district in a fair and principled democratic tradition. Tugg is going to stand on his tea party principles, no matter what, and he’d prepared to shut down government. The fault in his stars is that he puts principles ahead of the people he was elected to serve. I’m going to work hard to make government work for the people, and put the needs of the people first.”

Cricket wanted details and Veda said she’d discuss specific positions on the issues at her town hall meetings and in the debates. She encouraged Cricket to stay tuned and watch how her campaign developed. So he asked if she supported Obama and Obamacare, which he made sound like the Ebola plague.

“I believe in supporting the President, whomever he or she is. He is the choice of the American people. You may not always agree with his decisions, but let’s try them out and see how we can make them work for us. The government has a responsibility to make the nation work, and grow, and move forward. It has a responsibility to protect us with a strong national defense, and a strong economy. Decent healthcare is part of that,” Veda said.

Cricket started wiggling on that and tried to get Veda to support something he knew was unpopular in the district. “So you support government-funded abortion?”
“I always counsel non-violent forms of birth control, but that doesn’t always work. I believe a woman has the right to choose. Ultimately, it’s her body and she has to live with her decisions. Having children is a God-given gift, but no government or political party should force motherhood on anyone. Again, this is an example of forcing your religious beliefs onto others.

“I believe in family planning. I believe children need thirty-five years of guidance and healthcare to grow strong and get educated. Most importantly, children need to be loved and wanted for their entire lives. People are too focused on the act of conception and don’t look ahead at the parental love, and care and services and opportunity needed to raise strong families. The government can help with decent healthcare and loans for a college education, and a strong economy that provides jobs.”

“How can you say that?” Cricket challenged her. “Obama has screwed up the economy.”

“It sure is convenient to blame him for everything, isn’t it?” Veda fired back. “But in doing so, we’re avoiding our responsibility as citizens. This is our district, our state, our country. The only way to make it better is to participate in the debate, in the election, and at the grassroots level.

“On my way up here from Steinhatchee today, we took the smaller country roads past orchards and groves, greenhouses, melon patches and gardens. This is a beautiful, productive and abundant part of the panhandle. I think we should be proud of that. I call it Cracker Pride, and that’s a theme for my campaign. Let’s look at what we do well and keep doing it better.”

“Cracker Pride?” Cricket sounded genuinely interested. “What’s that mean?”

“Voters have soaked up a noggin full of negativity over the last twenty years, with an economy we had to bring back from collapse, plus terrorist attacks and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I don’t want to belabor these points, but your listeners know what I’m talking about. I think the antidote is to appreciate what we have, enjoy where we live, and make a positive contribution to our communities. My Cracker Pride campaign is balanced by the spirit of Cincinnatus. He was a farmer and Roman general who was twice made dictator. And he had the forbearance to resign as dictator as soon as he had vanquished Rome’s enemies. He became a civic ideal for good leadership. That’s the spirit I want in my district and in my campaign.”

“Cincinnatus, I never heard of him?” Cricket said.

“Look it up, Barney. He represents the farmer, the husband of the land, the people that make the earth produce abundantly. And on my drive up to have our conversation today, that looked to me like the people of the heartland of District 28.

“General George Washington was compared to Cincinnatus by the Founding Fathers, when he resigned after two terms as President. Cincinnatus represents the spirit of government service where we work to improve our communities and our country. It’s the opposite of running for office to gain power and then beat other people over the head with your principles. That’s a bullying tactic that we don’t even allow in our schools. So why would we allow our elected leaders to act that way?”

“Are you talking about Earl Tugg?”

“You brought his name up. But if the shoe fits, I guess he’ll have to wear it,” Veda said with a hint of a smile.

“Does that mean you’re taking on the tea party too?”

“I’m not taking on anyone other than Earl Tugg. The tea party folks don’t feel represented by our government. And as I said, my goal is to represent all the people of District 28. And to begin to do that, I have to dialog and listen. So that’s my immediate goal,” Veda explained.

Veda then asked Cricket if he understood Cincinnatus as a symbol for her campaign. He said he did but wondered if this model of civil governance circa 1780 would work in 2014. “If I can give voters a new model and a new example, then we might be willing to work with each other more cooperatively,” she said.

As I listened, I began to see the wisdom of Veda’s strategy with Cincinnatus. He might engage the tea party Constitutionalists, who worshiped that document like it was gold-plated. Veda emphasized that she encouraged pride of place, the willingness to make your place shine, inner-city, farm, garden patch or rural pastureland. I could see how people might respond to the idea; farmers were trying to do that already as best they could.

Veda explained that Cincinnatus represented a renewed sense of duty. I wondered if he could get the tea partiers to lighten up, to talk and share their passions, instead of hiding behind the flag, being nose-in-the-air smug and feeling put-upon. Then Veda wrapped up with a bang.

“If you want to work for something bigger than yourself and if you want to see that Florida has a future that includes you, I hope you’ll support me. My campaign is about Cracker Pride, cracker pride of place. It’s time we had our rural voices heard, and that’d the job I want to do for you,” she said. Then she mentioned her series of meet-and-greets at local schools, and invited people to learn more at her website.

Cricket nodded his approval and asked if Veda would take a few call-ins. She said she would. The first caller was from Gainesville, and Cricket got him to identify himself as David, a first time caller. He sounded middle-aged, but educated, at least that’s what I told the police. Well, David got on the line and said: “No law abiding citizen and stalwart member of the Tea Party is going to allow Veda Rabadel to turn this campaign into a smut parade with tawdry nakedness.”

Veda shook her head. Cricket asked him to explain himself. David said, “It won’t fly. I want her to run, to run scared, because I’ll kill her.” Then he hung up.

Cricket made a joke about the call and went to commercial. He asked the technician if he had a phone number for David. The number was given to the police. It turned out to be a pay phone at a truck stop off the freeway outside Gainesville.

After the commercial, the next two callers said David’s comment sure sounded like a death threat to them and there was no room or that kind of talk in Florida politics. Veda said, “With the anonymity of the Internet and call-in radio shows these days, there’s a lot of anger out there. It just goes to show how important some of these issues are, and how divided the electorate is. And I intend to be a candidate that can mend that by representing all my constituents.”

Cricket apologized for David’s call and dismissed it as “hot air.” He said he wished her well and that he’d enjoy watching how her campaign develops. He also invited her back for another interview closer to Election Day. Veda thanks him for that and said she’s enjoyed speaking with him about her campaign.

I saw that David’s call spooked Indian John. He was extra vigilant walking Veda to his car. “We have armed security,” Veda said to me. “Indian John has a carry permit. I feel safe around him.” But Indian John changed the protocol and made Veda ride in the back seat next to me. I held her hand.

On our way toward the freeway, three fellows in a white pick-up truck followed us out of town. It made Indian John nervous. He watched them in the rearview mirror, but never said anything to Veda. She thought the interview with Cricket went well. I agreed with her. I guess a mud sling and a cat fight is not always the best way to work with the media. She dismissed the death threat. “Goes with the territory,” she said.