There are 6 Reasons Why…

 

The book responsible for my hatred…

Yes, I said it, and I will say it again loud and clear. “I hate Kenya Moss Dyme with a hellacious Passion. I know that hatred is a strong word when speaking of someone. However my mother Joyce Cheese did not raise me with a fork tongue. Therefore, if you are reading this article KMD, or, if one of you reading this  knows her… Please tell KMD that I will burn her books if I see them anywhere. In fact if she was on fire, and the curls of her hair were lit up more than a Christmas tree on December 25th, I wouldn’t even throw dog piss on you. Instead, I would throw lighter fluid mixed with gasoline upon you. I would then throw a post card on top of your head that says, “Tell Satan I said hello!”

What’s the problem? you ask. My problem is that Kenya Moss Dyme is a tease, a fake, a rebel, and a low-down maverick of the worse kind.

How my hatred Began

Yes, this book was great but if I had a hammer your fingers I would break…Oh, I almost forgot there’s Speech Dragon

The situation began when I visited the author’s site kenyamoss.com after doing an editorial review on what I will admit to be a great book entitled: The Pulpit Chronicles: Prey For Me. Yes, she smiled and yessed me to death about wanting to be a great writer, and possibly doing a future interview here on dioncheese.com which at the time I agreed. But sadly enough I find myself  having to agree with my former publisher who feels that ‘she ain’t right…’ And, to top it off I’d go as far as saying she’s a slick snake in the grass, hanging out with a vet oil salesman.

Anyway, after visiting her site I saw that she had a new horror collection yet to be released going on so I asked, “Hey, Ms. Moss can I get a taste of that Daymares’ collection you have there?”

At the time she did the usual, yessing me to death and later that day I checked mt email, and I was like “Hot Damn! I hit the jackpot!”  I had been privileged to having gotten a pre-released e copy of the book. Consequently, after downloading and opening my new gift I was left rather disappointed having received only one out of the 7 included; hence my 6 reasons I hate KMD.

After reading the first short of within the Daymares novel entitled Baby Mine, I was ready to feast with my eyes on the rest of this tell-tale series of beautifully pieced, eye tantalizing 7 course meal for the mind. Picking up my cell phone I called KMD. When she picked up all I could say (sounding like Smeagol from Lord of The Rings albeit) I said, “More!”

“What” she shouted. “Who is this?”

“Mooore!” was all I could say.

Click! was my answer.

After attempting three more times to get more from her, and ending in the same result. I just emailed her requesting or rather demanding that she send more immediately or else…

Yes, I stole these. She would not release them otherwise…

Not good. The else was that I sent Mu from Gorilla Tactics to bring back more. He delivered the message as per my request, Upon his return from Detroit Michigan he handed me a handwritten letter from Kenya Moss Dyme. Eagerly I opened it. I was elated that she took the time to respond to my request. Upon opening the golden edged, embossed envelope I took out the letter which was handwritten on fine paper. I held my breath in high anticipation. My eyes grew as wide as saucers as they awaited another treat from one of the best damn writers I know only t be let down by the very word written therein…“Moooore.”

I almost yelled out the notorious ‘B’ word on her ass. As a matter of fact I did but when I called her she answered immediately. My mind yelled out…but my mouth shouted, Moooore. I mean I let her I let her have it to the 10th power but Mu kept laughing saying, “Aye dawg, why do you keep yelling more into the phone?

I looked at him frowned and asked, “What?”

“Yo dawg, you keep yelling mooore, into your cellphone every time you call chick.” was his response,

Perplexed, I didn’t bother questioning him because deep down inside I knew something wasn’t right. So, I wrote this article in order to address, and expose KMD for the monster I know she is inside. Only someone who has an evil soul could write something so deliciously mind disturbing as Baby Mine, and yet, sound so kind and well-spoken over the phone.   The story had much originality to it, moved fast paced, kept me on my toes such as a graceful ballet dancer would be, while all the time having my mind scream out, WTF! with every turn of the page. Yes, Baby Mine does indeed give a new meaning to the -words, an evil seed which is the result of an inherent act of lovemaking between a former couple after having a one night affair. It’s just too damn bad I can’t finish the whole book. I mean, who does that? Who in the hell invites a fat greedy man to a smorgasbord only to clear the house after he has eaten his first plate. You know what KMD! MOOOORE You!

I know that last sentence didn’t come out right but if everyone sees this they know what I mean…KMD!

Among other things I hate about Kenya Moss Dyme

1. She doesn’t sale 99 cent books which makes her a damn maverick, and that really plucks my nerves because let’s be real people… Why should I pay more than the price of 99 cents for her book when there are a lot of poorly written, badly edited, 99 cent books for the choosing. Hell, she hasn’t even given away a free out dated coach bag yet that she’s been blabbing about.

2. She has yet to release her book, and I still am having Daymares as I wait for the First Of the Month to show up in my inbox along with 5 other shorts, ad I want them free do you hear me. This is torture, and if any of you are like me Please leave a reply on this article so that KMD knows that she’s dead wrong for making us wait. Hell, at least people who write 99 cent books give us a story every damn month even if most are not that great.

3. Must I say it again? Release the damn book already! Stop playing with your fans like that!

4. Stop being on FB joining discussions, and  mentioning other authors. Be selfish for a change, and focus on completing your novels and make us happy for once! Mooore You!

5. Smile for once, you’re books are still selling even though we pay a little more for them. So you have proven that it’s makes cents spending a few more dymes on a great product to feast our eyes on. And I shouldn’t have to steal one of your pics just to get one of you smiling. It’s a damn shame to make a reviewer do so.

6. Change the title of your book. Don’t call your book of shorts Daymares if you are going to keep us in the dark.

Moooore Kenya Moss Dyme! Mooore! I say. Because I guess after reading a portion of your upcoming novel of short stories I can’t say anything else.

Stay tuned for an exclusive preview only on iurban.org.

To see some of her other works check out these amazing stories by clicking below…

Amazon.com Widgets

 

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