Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
We are proud to announce that all the terrorists have been vanquished. There are no traitors left to threaten our prized utopia. As a result, Homeland Security will be disbanded, the interrogation chambers dismantled, and all the cameras will be taken down.
Just kidding!
In other news... well, we suppose we could go through the usual litany of sabotage, subterfuge, and subversion, but this weekstretch our editors thought it would be nice to try something different. Today's Edition is therefore being dedicated to you, the average working citizen and unsung hero of the Bunker. Ninety-eight percent of the population has no security clearance or distinguishing qualities whatsoever. Each daystretch, you gladly toil away at your assigned duties as the pleasant notes of the Anthem of the Patriot linger in the background. Whether you are a reactor core attendant, foundry assistant, or teamster, the Bunker could not persevere without you. As a special reward for being loyal and dependable, the boys over at Control have decided to distribute an additional ten credits to each and every citizen. You will find that your Card has already been updated. Spend them wisely!
And now a word from our sponsors.
Is your permanent record an embarrassment to yourself and your employer? Marks of Excellence may be hard to come by, but they are certainly well within reach of everyone. And we all know what happens if they should ever be outweighed by those unenviable Marks of Shame. Your permanent record is freely available to anyone who requests it on X.net. If that's a problem for you, call us over at Second Chances, Inc! You'll be glad you did. Although official reprimands cannot be removed from your permanent record under any circumstances and you should certainly never suggest such a heinous crime to any of our helpful service agents, we can help you break the vicious cycle of dejection and underachievement. In no time at all, Marks of Shame will be a thing of the past, and you will have accrued all the official commendations you know you deserve. So don't hesitate! Grab your PA and give us a call over at Second Chances, Inc. “Because it's never too late to turn your life around.”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? We are proud to announce that popular demand for the invaluable advice being dispensed on the tube daily has surpassed even the program managers' own projections. Do you have a special concern? Perhaps you are unsure how hard a line to take against that errant citizen in tomorrow's Caring Demonstration. Or you were wondering whether used tissue paper is suitable for recycling. In a spat with your mates back in the barracks over the communal storage space under the bottom bunk? Why not grab your PA and shoot the program managers a short mail describing your problem. Remember: the Bunker is a utopia, so you don't have any problems! It's all a matter of perspective, citizen. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to a shortage of standard issue paper, all citizens are requested to write using very tiny letters. Also, the quarantine in Y sector has been expanded to departments Y-2, Y-9, Y-10, X-7, and X-17. If you happen to have missing acquaintances or loved ones known to frequent Y sector, there is absolutely nothing to worry about. They are participating in a routine safety drill.
The Color of the Patriot is twinkle.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
We are proud to announce that all the terrorists have been vanquished. There are no traitors left to threaten our prized utopia. As a result, Homeland Security will be disbanded, the interrogation chambers dismantled, and all the cameras will be taken down.
Just kidding!
In other news... well, we suppose we could go through the usual litany of sabotage, subterfuge, and subversion, but this weekstretch our editors thought it would be nice to try something different. Today's Edition is therefore being dedicated to you, the average working citizen and unsung hero of the Bunker. Ninety-eight percent of the population has no security clearance or distinguishing qualities whatsoever. Each daystretch, you gladly toil away at your assigned duties as the pleasant notes of the Anthem of the Patriot linger in the background. Whether you are a reactor core attendant, foundry assistant, or teamster, the Bunker could not persevere without you. As a special reward for being loyal and dependable, the boys over at Control have decided to distribute an additional ten credits to each and every citizen. You will find that your Card has already been updated. Spend them wisely!
And now a word from our sponsors.
Is your permanent record an embarrassment to yourself and your employer? Marks of Excellence may be hard to come by, but they are certainly well within reach of everyone. And we all know what happens if they should ever be outweighed by those unenviable Marks of Shame. Your permanent record is freely available to anyone who requests it on X.net. If that's a problem for you, call us over at Second Chances, Inc! You'll be glad you did. Although official reprimands cannot be removed from your permanent record under any circumstances and you should certainly never suggest such a heinous crime to any of our helpful service agents, we can help you break the vicious cycle of dejection and underachievement. In no time at all, Marks of Shame will be a thing of the past, and you will have accrued all the official commendations you know you deserve. So don't hesitate! Grab your PA and give us a call over at Second Chances, Inc. “Because it's never too late to turn your life around.”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, “What Would Carlton Smickett Say”? We are proud to announce that popular demand for the invaluable advice being dispensed on the tube daily has surpassed even the program managers' own projections. Do you have a special concern? Perhaps you are unsure how hard a line to take against that errant citizen in tomorrow's Caring Demonstration. Or you were wondering whether used tissue paper is suitable for recycling. In a spat with your mates back in the barracks over the communal storage space under the bottom bunk? Why not grab your PA and shoot the program managers a short mail describing your problem. Remember: the Bunker is a utopia, so you don't have any problems! It's all a matter of perspective, citizen. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to a shortage of standard issue paper, all citizens are requested to write using very tiny letters. Also, the quarantine in Y sector has been expanded to departments Y-2, Y-9, Y-10, X-7, and X-17. If you happen to have missing acquaintances or loved ones known to frequent Y sector, there is absolutely nothing to worry about. They are participating in a routine safety drill.
The Color of the Patriot is twinkle.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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