Ablo, I’ve changed my mind about this war in Afar. I think we should get out.

“What?”

Yes, Ablo, I think we should get out, and quickly.

“But sir, the Afarians are split on the climate change efforts. It will mean civil war. Innocent lives will be lost. Think of the dead men, women and children caught in the middle…maimed and bleeding, mourning the loss of their loved ones. Perhaps we could withdraw slowly and quietly.”

Oh, Ablo, we all need a civil war now and then…if for no other reason than to cull the heard. The war’s grown unpopular with our people. They’ve grown a bit weary. Besides, it could affect the vote for my allies in congress. Put out a press release and phone the generals. We need to order an immediate withdrawal.

“But won’t that put our troops at risk…letting the enemy know when we’re pulling out…and all of a sudden?”

Ablo, you’ve got a lot to learn yet about politics. What good is an immediate withdrawal if the planet doesn’t get the word. We need to take credit for this incredibly humane act we’re performing. Oh, we may lose a few of those brave lads who volunteered to risk their lives for our safety and the sake of our way of life, but they’ll be awarded posthumous purple hearts that their parents can cherish for the rest of their lives. Why, their families can brag for years how brave their sons were and about how they gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country. Their bravery will inspire future generations to volunteer to be soldiers.

“Well sir, I can tell by your talk of bravery that you must have been a soldier once yourself.”

Hell no. A bit too risky for my blood; anyway, I was off smoking weed and having too good a time to put my life on the line for my country.

“But what if things go wrong sir?”

We can blame any and all negative repercussions on the previous administration.

“Really sir, how long can we get away with that for?”

Hell, Ablo, we can blame everything that goes wrong during our entire presidency on the last administration and it’ll stick for as long as we hold office. Bad economy…the last guy left things worse than we thought. Lost jobs…they made bad policy decisions that damaged our workforce for years.

“Will you get a medal for waging the war sir?”

What a great idea Ablo. Why don’t you talk the generals into awarding me the Iron Cross. I hear that’s a rather prestigious award.