“I have wonderful news sir.”

Ablo, you’ve found the WMC’s!

“I’ll let you be the judge sir. We found evidence of a conspiracy to limit procreation. It seems that the Afarians, in a blatant attempt to discourage sex among the Blues, have ordered everyone in Afar to post the pictures of American first ladies on their bedroom walls! I’m talking Nancy Reagan, Barbara Bush, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama. I’ve also heard that Nancy Pelosi’s photograph was found in their bedrooms.”

Ablo, Nancy Pelosi is not a former first lady.

“No, but if her face doesn’t count as a Weapon of Mass Contraception, nothing does.”

Anything for the Women Ablo.

“Sure, we found pictures of Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford and, of course this Al Gore Fellow. And there’s this one picture we haven’t been able to identify…do yo recognize him sir?”

Yes, of course, that’s Mick Jagger. He was no politician, but his puss could kill a pair of honeymooner’s mojo!

“What shall we do sir?”

I’ll tell you what we’ll do Ablo, we’ll ban these photographs from the bedrooms of all Martians.

“Doesn’t that smack of censorship though sir?”

Ablo, it’s for the good of the nation. It’s essential to national security. In America, if a law violates the constitution, we simply say it’s “essential to national security” and those fool judges just go along with us.

“It sounds a bit radical to me sir.”

In America we call it creeping socialism. We slowly take away people’s rights so that each generation is born with fewer rights than the last. This way, they won’t know that their missing out on anything. We tell them where they can and cannot smoke, we tell them when they can drink and make things illegal if we don’t like them. We even regulate how large their soft drinks can be in a so-called war against obesity.

“Won’t they just order an extra Coca-Cola if they wish sir?”

Well of course they well, but it’s all about control. You force them to pay into a retirement system which most of them will never collect on, we force them to pay for healthcare that’s inferior to the one they have. You tap their telephones and monitor their email. You put cameras in the sky and watch their every move. You even let the cameras give them speeding tickets. Then you polarize the people, separating them on either the right or the left and you have them so busy trying to take each other’s rights away that they won’t even realize, in the end, that they’ve legislated all of their rights away. In the end, you tax every dime and you “take care of” them from the cradle to the grave.

“It doesn’t sound so bad, being ‘taken care of’ from the cradle to the grave.”

No, Ablo, it isn’t. They did it in the USSR, and that worked out pretty good. They do it in Cuba and China and North Korea, and that seems to be working out pretty good.”

“What do you do to them if they refuse to comply?”

We throw them in jail, Ablo, or we fine them into poverty. We let the doctors prescribe them pain killers until their addicted and then we criminalize the victims, the drug abusers, and throw them in jail. You get those fool icons to support your cause, lifting them up on a kind of pedestal, treating them as if they’re something more than talking heads, and you watch the sheep follow. Actors and actresses are the best for this because people always believe what they see on television.

“Sir, I’ll have our men start taking those pictures down right away.”

Oh, and Ablo, tell the men to be nice about it…we wouldn’t want the people to start thinking that the government is in any way evil. We are, after all, doing it for their own good. And if the government doesn’t know what’s best for them, who does?

"Yes sir, I know, it takes a village."