During the course of the past several months, I've encountered a number of struggles here in Prague - with work, moving, and the ever-present issue of residency visa extension. In brief, it's been a challenging time in my recent existence and I've done a lot of quiet reflection during my long walks around the city. Mostly, I've been trying to understand why I feel so anxious about the entire situation...I mean, in the overall view of things, losing my residency visa here wouldn't be the most disruptive thing in my life (since I have moved all over the US and Europe during the past 15 years without really ever 'anchoring' anywhere) and I'm no stranger to issues/stress with work. So what gives? Why am I so out of sorts now?

Then, as I was strolling along the edge of a park that borders a fairly industrial area of the city - not exactly a 'pretty' place - I came to the realization that I was somehow happier looking at the crappy railroad tracks and run down buildings in front of me that I might have been in any other place I've lived before. I realized I was 'happy' here, and by extension, happy with my life exactly as it is. I'm not a terribly demanding person when it comes to happiness, but I can honestly say that living here in Prague is the first time that I've every experienced the general equilibrium of true happiness. So, there's that...

But then, after I had put my finger on the root of my angst, I was left with a nagging question - was I truly 'satisfied' with my life? I stopped and thought about it for a while and, as I watched people walk by with the company of their dogs, or their children, or maybe just their headphones blaring some crappy pop music, I decided that I wasn't satisfied - at least not in any permanent sense. If you think about it, you can be satisfied with the purchase of a new television, or a meal, or maybe even with a business transaction. But in all these situations, 'satisfaction' references whether something "meets or exceeds your expectations" - as when you receive a 'customer satisfaction' questionnaire that asks you a number of questions to which the optimal answer could be that whatever you bought performed 'better than expected' or 'completely met your needs'....but, when in the history of the world has anyone honestly thought that everything their entire life was optimal and that NOTHING in their life could be even slightly improved in any way? I sure haven't.

I then realized that I don't think I could ever feel truly satisfied in anything more than a transient sense - it would be the death of dreams and hopes and wishes and all the things that motivate me to get out of bed. In this sense, satisfaction would be the root of a spiral into depression and death for me. I can't even begin to imagine the boredom and frustration I would feel if there was no challenge in life laying ahead of me and that it had all been done. As I thought this, I smiled to myself and felt even happier with my present life - in spite of its challenges, I always feel like there is something to do and that I can somehow move forward.

I enjoy the personal peace that I find in my general happiness here in Prague. I thrive on learning the culture and language and forming great relationships here. I look forward to future challenges such as moving to Paris or Berlin in the future and starting over again.

But I hope that I NEVER feel satisfied...