This post is for the younger versions of myself.

I recently read The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Steven Chbosky. After I finished the book I came to realize decades late that I was not alone. Although I participated in sports and made the homecoming court two years running while in high school, I completely empathized with the Charlie character. Like everyone else trying to fit in, I bought into the hype of having to have the latest designer craze. I even lied about my age to get a job at fifteen when my mom refused to pay an exorbitant amount of money for an ordinary pair of denim jeans with a designer label.

While I may have seemed popular on the outside, I always felt like a loner on the inside. I guess most introverts do. It was an effort for me to be outgoing when I was more comfortable staying home curled up with a book. Peer pressure had me going to parties in an attempt to fit in with my contemporaries and I can clearly recall how exhausting I found it all. For years I pretended to be someone I was not in order to feel like I fit in. My greatest fear was that my friends would consider me weird.

Now that I am older, I realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and there never was. I don’t need anyone’s approval to be myself and you don’t either. Being a writer has taught me that you will never please everyone. What one person loves another will loathe. It is all just part of the journey we call life.

Being a lifelong people pleaser, I always shied away from conflict. In the past if I was faced with a difficult situation I would emotionally shut down and go through the motions of existing. After an acrimonious divorce forced me to stand up for myself, I realized that life is too short to put up with anything that does not make you happy. The most important thing to remember is that you are only given one chance at life. Years from now it will not matter if you had the latest must have item, or if you were considered weird because you would rather read a book instead of partying with your peers. I promise you that no one will remember anyway. What they will remember is how you treated them. So whether you want it or not, I am going to offer you a piece of advice. Be good to others and live your life, but most of all, be true to yourself.


Candace C. Bowen
December 11, 2014