3 Truths about Middle Earth
The Hobbit finale, through its 2.5 hours of clanging steel, tumbling heads, and lingering close-ups on quavering faces, did reveal a few solid truths about everyday life on Middle Earth:
1) Gravity is relative to the orientation of one's moral compass.
2) If you're a dwarf, wrangling some erotic action from the elf community is actually within the realm of possibility so long as you happen to lack 100% of the facial characteristics that pretty much define your species.
3) Elves are the true Kings of the Impossible (sorry, Flash). No physical feats are too outlandish. When you're not scampering over the helmeted heads of enemies, climbing falling rocks like a ladder to higher ground, or unleashing a dozen arrows per second every time you draw your bow, then chances are you're either leaping atop the back of some ginormous abomination, or grabbing a pair of swooping legs to steer the doomed creature toward mass destruction before schlonking an arrow through its prefrontal cortex.
All in all, I thought the trilogy was a fantastic ride. Kudos to Peter Jackson for embracing a challenge seemingly impossible even to elves by delivering LOTK and the Hobbit to the big screen. I loved those books. As a child, I'll bet I played those vinyl records ten-thousand times, moving the needle backward again and again to hear the voice of Smaug reverberating through the black cloth of a 70's speaker. What a shame that Tolkien couldn't be around to enjoy the impact of his legacy.
1) Gravity is relative to the orientation of one's moral compass.
2) If you're a dwarf, wrangling some erotic action from the elf community is actually within the realm of possibility so long as you happen to lack 100% of the facial characteristics that pretty much define your species.
3) Elves are the true Kings of the Impossible (sorry, Flash). No physical feats are too outlandish. When you're not scampering over the helmeted heads of enemies, climbing falling rocks like a ladder to higher ground, or unleashing a dozen arrows per second every time you draw your bow, then chances are you're either leaping atop the back of some ginormous abomination, or grabbing a pair of swooping legs to steer the doomed creature toward mass destruction before schlonking an arrow through its prefrontal cortex.
All in all, I thought the trilogy was a fantastic ride. Kudos to Peter Jackson for embracing a challenge seemingly impossible even to elves by delivering LOTK and the Hobbit to the big screen. I loved those books. As a child, I'll bet I played those vinyl records ten-thousand times, moving the needle backward again and again to hear the voice of Smaug reverberating through the black cloth of a 70's speaker. What a shame that Tolkien couldn't be around to enjoy the impact of his legacy.
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