I wrote a poem in May of this year in response to a contest hosted by Team Chaos—Amanda Palmer's team of magical elves who keep her chaotic life on some sort of order. I'm going to post the poem below, but first you need some background details, or this will make little sense.

Amanda, singer for the Dresden Dolls, solo artist, and fiance to one Neil Gaiman (who, I understand, is some kind of writer) released a coffee table book a year or so ago (probably more) called Who Killed Amanda Palmer. With passages written by Gaiman and Kyle Cassidy's photographs of Amanda in various post-mortem poses, it was a companion piece to the album—wait for it—Who Killed Amanda Palmer. The theme, obviously, is that someone killed Amanda, but nobody knows who or why.

So, the contest: Amanda gets tons of fan art, but didn't really have an outlet for the short list of fans who produced written art paying homage to Amanda, the Dolls, or the WKAP project. Team Chaos came up with the idea to have a short story contest for fans to write a short based on one of the pictures from the book, the top three of which would win Amanda Palmer swag and possibly "…an even bigger prize…"

(note: I'm a fan of Amanda's music, but not much of a writing contest person; but when Neil Gaiman's fiance holds a writing contest promising something big and mysterious to one of the winners, you are damn fucking skippy that I am going to fire up my word processor and submit)

Long story short: the contest was to be voted on in early June, winners announced shortly thereafter. Amanda got caught up in several big projects, including starring in a musical and reuniting with the Dresden Dolls. Five months overdue, the contest fell flat, the forum discussions turned kind of ugly, and Team Chaos said "sorry, we blew it, but screw it, we'll pick three at random for t-shirts, do whatever you want with your stories."

That, dear reader, is my explanation for why I'm posting a psychotic stalker poem for Amanda Palmer on my website. It's called

All We Found Was a Note

To be your love, Amanda Dear

To be the one that you adore

I cauterized my fear with flame

Prepared, at last, to try your door

Requests for friendship, @ replies

All went unanswered, damn your eyes

But faith says neglect can be love in disguise

**

They say: in love, you must hold gently

They say: impatience is a sin

They don't know how it rips my heart

Because my Dear won't let me in

But Dear, oh Dear Amanda know

My vigil stands, I will not go

I'll stay and tilt against the snow

**

Sipping jewels from crystal goblets

Rubies drip and stain the floor

I know—I know—I heard my name said

Though, from outside I can't be sure

You, through the window, caught my eye

An ivory hand against his thigh

I knew at once: my Dear must die.

**

I warned you—remember? I told you I'd do it

I cannot be blamed for your horrible fate

My nostrils are tickled by ashes from pictures

You pluck and you tease like a whore on a date

I'm burning inside like my heart has been tore

But the pain that I'll give you will surely hurt more

Your last guest departs, but you don't lock the door

**

I can now close the book on the question of When

But forever I'll wonder and never know Why

I can see very clearly the What that he sought

And I'll answer your Where—also his, by and by

In a beat of your heart, Dear, my work will be through

Once your chilly heart stops, Dear, your life starts anew

And your friends will have lifetimes to ask themselves Who?

(WKAP Photo Property of Kyle Cassidy)