DISCLAIMER: The following blog is intended to be tongue in cheek and not intended to be taken 100% seriously. In other words, it’s just for fun. Don’t read too much into it.

 

So I’m sure some of you have already heard the news by now. Frozen is getting a sequel. Well, let’s be honest – were you guys REALLY that surprised? I mean considering how much money that film has made Disney (hell, everyone that works at Disney could probably retire by now!) it wasn’t really a shock to me. In fact, I already KNEW that there was a Frozen 2 coming out long before it was revealed.

 

Now I’m probably one of the few people in the world that isn’t excited by this announcement. For two reasons. The first is that given Disney’s track records of sequels, I’m not getting too excited. Between you and me, every sequel of a Disney film I’ve seen has been – well, not very good to put it mildly – at least in my opinion. Second reason? Well, anyone who’s read my blog knows that I’m NOT the hugest fan of Frozen. In fact, when people talk about it, this is usually my reaction.

 

 

   

But... it would be wrong of my to judge a film based on previous bias. So, I am prepared to give Frozen 2 the benefit of the doubt. And... I probably WILL have to go see it when it comes out.

 

So in today’s blog, I’m going to talk about my Top 5 things that I personally would like to see in the next Frozen film. Before I do that I should point out that I have NOT read any articles about Frozen 2 – all I know is that there will be a Frozen 2. That’s it. I dunno how much info has been released about it already as I generally tend not to read too deeply into shows/movies I don’t really care about. But considering that Frozen has appeared in my blogs more than ANY other film since it came out, it would be a shame to let this one pass by.  Also, there ARE a few jokey ones in there – so take this with a pinch of salt.

 

Oh, just a warning for those of you who HAVEN’T seen the first Frozen film – just a heads up... this blog has SPOILERS for the first film.

 

Ok guys, time to “Let It Go” and reveal the Top Five Things I want to see in Frozen 2. And yes... like all Top Fives’ this is just my opinion. But, as always, if I have missed something in any of these – feel free to put me right :)

 

 

 

 

1. Elsa’s powers are explained in more detail

 

Now maybe it’s just me, but I never really felt that Elsa’s powers were really explained in full detail. All that we know about Elsa’s powers (or more correctly, all I know about Elsa’s powers) is that she was born with them. And... that’s it. No other back-story apart from that. Did her parents have similar powers to her? Did something happen to her parents that granted Elsa these magic powers? Is she actually the daughter of an Ice god or something like that? I dunno. I don’t really think this part of the film was explained properly. Even Tangled gave a back-story and legit reason for Rapunzel having magical hair (or at least legit in fantasy standards).

 

I’d love to know more about Elsa’s powers and how she came by them. I just don’t accept the whole “she was born with them” story. There has to be a reason for it in some way or another. I’m kinda hoping in the next story that they explore this a little more – so that Elsa can find out a little more about her powers. It may even help her to control them a little more once she knows the secret behind them. Maybe that will be the plot of the next film anyway – but I think it would be great if they did explore this a little more. If only to give Elsa a little more screen time and less screen time to Anna – whom I don’t much care for.

 

So that would be a pretty good storyline and help fill out a plot point that I don’t think was really covered as much as it could have been.

 

 

 

 

2. Elsa is actually a super powered ninja

 

We all know that Elsa can kick ass – I mean she fought off two royal assassins using her ice powers after all, so she can defend herself. But what if she REALLY could kick ass?

 

Now I am of the opinion that you make anything a million times better by adding ninjas to it (don’t believe me – watch the music video Peaches by Presidents of the United States of America) so I think Frozen 2 would be super awesome if Elsa was actually trained in all forms of martial arts and is actually a super cool ninja queen!

 

Ok, that would have NOTHING to do with the plot and probably open a few plot holes – but tell me YOU wouldn’t want to see Elsa as a ninja! Then she really could let it go!

 

 

 

 

3. Kristoff mans up

 

Kristoff for me was by far the weakest character in Frozen. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. What does he actually DO in the film, except provide a taxi service for Anna – and even then he’s totally useless! I honestly think they could have cut him out of the film entirely and Anna’s journey wouldn’t have been handicapped in any way, shape or form.

 

The ending of Frozen does seem to suggest that Kristoff and Anna get together. But really, what did Kristoff do to earn Anna’s love? The only reason I felt like she went with Kristoff was because of what Hans did to her – so really it was more like sloppy seconds than a proper love story!

 

If Kristoff is to appear in the sequel, I think he needs to be MUCH more action orientated and not as useless. He needs to prove himself he’s worthy of Anna’s love, rather than just taking her from one spot to the next. In other words – he needs to man up and know when to take control of a situation, rather than just hanging back. I’m not saying he has to save the day, he just needs to be a lot more proactive before I start caring for him.

 

Maybe if he hangs around with Flynn Rider a little more, he may get an idea of how a Disney hero should be! And seeing as how Flynn and Rapunzel did actually appear in Frozen (however briefly), I don’t see any reason why Flynn Rider can’t have a bit part teaching Kristoff how to be a hero.

 

 

 

 

4. Hans redeems himself

 

No matter how many times people try to explain it to me, I will ALWAYS stand by Hans and say that his heel turn was a total asspull!

 

Whilst initially I was positive about the twist in Hans’s character – retrospectively I now think this ruined the film for me in some way. Hans SHOULD have been the hero in Frozen. He all the best qualities of any of the male characters in that film – but a last minute twist completely undoes all that. But rather than being a shocking twist, for me, it just opened up a plot hole. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why they did this, they wanted to do a twist on the whole “Handsome Hero” archetype. But this twist would have worked a lot better if he was more like Gaston and less like Prince Phillip. The way this twist was done (to quote something said by one of my friends) was like watching WWE, when a hero suddenly chair shots another hero and turns evil for no reason other than the story says so).

 

So this film is a perfect opportunity I think for Hans to redeem himself. He could maybe escape from his brothers and return back to Arendale – depending on what the plot is. Maybe he could be a bit more antagonistic this time round, but in the end, he does a heroic deed – maybe saving Elsa’s life in a sense of self sacrifice – showing that he wasn’t a bad guy at all.

 

This could just be a wish fulfilment on my part, but I really don’t believe Hans deserves the hate that he gets from the Frozen fan base. I think this is a chance for Disney to undo a mistake in Frozen and have Hans redeem himself somehow. Come on, Disney, give Hans a break!

 

 

   

5. Olaf dies

 

No. This is not a joke. I WANT this annoying little **** to die! Why?

 

Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate Olaf since he began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for snowmen at this micro-instant. For Olaf. Hate. Hate.

 

My loathing of this character is so big that I have to end up ripping off one of the most famous quotes in Sci-Fi history to demonstrate it (It’s from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream if you’re interested. Apologies also to Harlan Ellison).

 

Where do I begin with Olaf? He’s annoying. His voice is annoying. He can’t sing. And did I mention he was annoying? This guy is one of the reasons that I didn’t enjoy Frozen as much as I could have. All he did was annoy the piss out of me! For me, Olaf almost makes Jar-Jar Binks from Star Wars seem tolerable! All I wanted when I first saw Olaf in Frozen, my first thoughts were “God I hope this character dies!” And then when Elsa saves him I was pissed!!!

 

So this is where I think Disney can undo another mistake – kill Olaf! I don’t care if he is popular with the kids – I NEED this character to die if I’m going to get any enjoyment out of Frozen 2. I want him to melt in the sun, I want to hear his screams of pain as he dies! I want him to beg Elsa to save him and she just laughs and watches him die! I want him to burn in Disney hell for all eternity! I want Olaf to die! DIE OLAF! DIE!!!

 

Ahem... sorry, I... appear to have had a... temporary moment of insanity there.

 

Anyway, long story short... I hate Olaf. Sorry, I just can’t stand him. Just my opinion though.

 

 

Edit: After talking with one of my friends on Facebook, I decided to add in this little extra!

 

BONUS EXTRA!!!

 

 

 

 

Stone Cold Steve Austin should appear in Frozen 2

 

Come on, how awesome would this be if WWE Superstar Stone Cold Steve Austin appeared in Frozen 2? Answer - VERY!!! :D

 

Just imagine it! He could come to the aid of Elsa and the others, giving the bad guy a Stone Cold Stunner - before giving the ENTIRE CAST a Stunner, leaving Elsa alone. He then proclaims "Disney 3:16 said I just whooped your ass!" He and Elsa can then share a cold beer, Elsa saying "Cold enough for you, Mr Austin?" To which Stone Cold replies "Well, Elsa - the cold never bothered me anyway. And that's the bottom line..."

 

Well... maybe not. But I still say it would be cool for Stone Cold Steve Austin to have a cameo or large role in the film. I mean it kinda makes sense, right? His name IS Stone Cold... right?

 

Just me then. XD

 

 

So anyway those are my personal top five. What are you most looking forward to in Frozen 2? Please let me know in the comments below. Right... I think I need to lie down and relax a little... all this talk of Olaf has wound me up. What I need now is a nice warm drink, a hot fire and to forget about that annoying little...

 

Hey, Dan! Do you wanna build a snowman?

 

 

WWWWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!!

 

 

 

PANDRAGON DAN

 

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