Excuse me, just for a second, while I write this self-indulgent post.

I’m sitting on cloud nine, people. This feeling will be more temporary than a stunt cock’s career, I know that, but I’m here and it feels damn good. It’s times like these I should be writing the next chapter of my next book. The words come easily, the emotions are high, and all I want to do is slam my fingers into the keyboard like I’m better than a six, maybe seven-finger typist (I used to be a twoer). I bet I could rattle off 5k words like the self-sufficient authors with twelve hours a day to focus on their craft. I bet I could do 10k.

But instead I’m on here, dammit, because I want to tell you all about my surprising start as an author, perhaps share what limited experience I can pass on to you. Mainly I just want to brag, because god knows I don’t do that enough or at all really, and this might be the last time that I’ll ever be able to do so. I imagine the next time I’ll have that honor will be when I have my first kid and he/she manages to rattle off his ABC’s in pre-school instead of kindergarten like all the other little dweebs. And that’ll only happen because I plan on strapping a pair of earphones to his/her head and playing Baby Einstein mp3 files until the little bugger grows curly grey hair and looks the part.

Anyway, I hit the top 20 in the Action & Adventure genre on Amazon early this morning, cozied up to Dan Brown and George R.R. Martin for a cup of coffee until they realized I was some sad son of a bitch with an early spike in sales and a penchant for cursing in public (never imagined George was a such a prude). As the day progressed, I’ve dropped down the charts a tad and I fully expect to plummet in the coming weeks, but man am I ever proud.

I put in a lot of work over the past few weeks in preparation for my release. I harassed my publisher enough that you could probably call it cyber-bullying. I was extra picky and demanding on my cover, and I even put in the effort to market the living piss out of this thing. I have actually seen results, and while it can never hurt to debut during the holiday madness, I believe there is more to it than that. I made one tough decision that went against better judgement, and I believe it paid off.

Right off the bat I was told by my publisher and other authors to sell my book @ $0.99. Guaranteed sales they said, because I’d attract all those people looking for a quick fix and a Kindle-load of reading pleasure. I said bullocks to that, whatever the heck bullocks means. But I meant it.

Selling your book for $0.99 is like selling your soul to the devil for a piece of pound cake and a blowjob. Now I don’t put a whole lot of emphasis on the state of my soul, at this point in my life anyway, so if I succumb to the $0.99 trend in the future then please understand that I’m just weak. But the point remains.

I don’t believe the long hours fretting over your plot, obsessing over your characters and ignoring your loved ones (past-tense for a reason) is only worth HALF A FUCKING TWIX BAR. A machine in Delaware is literally shitting out chocolate bars by the thousands with the flick of a switch, making the company millions and millions of dollars on machine labour, and you’re telling me that the thousands of hours of hard labour that you put into your book is worth only $0.99? No ma’am. No sir. Grow a set of whatever makes an individual strong and know that your labour, your hard work is worth something. By lowering your price to FREE or a single dollar you are doing every author a disservice. You’re doing the art of writing a disservice.

And that’s just the moral side of it. The practical side of it is this: If you don’t value your work, then who the hell will? I don’t buy $0.99 books. My friends don’t buy $0.99 books. I would never purchase, nor would I ever read or give two shits about a free book unless it was provided to me with the intent of me reviewing it. If I’m alone in that sentiment I would be beyond shocked. If I’m way off here, which I don’t think I am, then please someone set me straight. Until then I’ll continue selling my work @ $2.99, not just because it’s right but because I think I’ll sell more that way anyway.

So hey, I guess I went on a bit of a rant again, and I apologize for that, but I hope you took a little something away from this post. New authors, experienced authors, and everyone in between, don’t give into desperation and value your work. Promo it once in a blue moon, sure, but in the meantime take your beautiful book out of the dollar bin, dust it off and put it back on the shelves, because it deserves to be seen and respected for the work of art it truly is.