Happy Thursday, Ladies and Gents!

FIRST, it’s true! I am, in fact, writing reviews on my blog as per request, on a first come, first serve basis. I will also provide the author with an Amazon/iBooks/Goodreads review as long as the work is provided free of charge. I’m not looking to steal your books here, people, I am doing this because of this little thing called KARMA.

With my book release on the horizon, it would seem I need to build up a good amount of the right kind of karma after the 2014 I’ve had, which has seen me stocking the shelves with the bad kind. At this point I expect nothing but a turd in my Christmas stocking and a kick in the ass with a wet boot for New Years. Let me elaborate:

1) Can’t remember much about January, other than the fact that I was depressed that it was January and was stuck working night shifts plowing snow in the cold, Canadian tundra (or recreational facility parking lots…same thing really). But damnit I was making pretty good money doing it, so I had no right to be depressed. Fuck me sideways, Buddha, that’s Karma -1

2) In February or March, I went to an IMAX theater bathroom, did my business and didn’t wash my hands because they didn’t have a paper towel dispenser. There is NOTHING that drives me crazier than using those tree-saving, hippy air driers that just end up with you wiping your hands on your pants anyway, infecting the world with whatever kind of mess you left on there from four days of not washing them….okay maybe five days. Karma -1

3) In July or August, I ran over a brown and fluffy, STUPID jack-rabbit going 10 clicks over the speed limit. I am now a murderer. Moreover, I was admittedly speeding as I turned this poor, furry creature into crow food. Chalk up another Karma -3

4) It’s been a full year of being a whining piece of shit and begging for attention from my wife as I wrote my book. As most (unaccomplished) authors can probably attest, we’re a needy bunch. We need people to tell us we’re awesome every once in awhile because we crave that pat on the back that tells us the thousands of hours we put into our writing wasn’t for nothing. Writers LIVE for that single drop of motivational water as they frolic around hallucinating in their hot and dry desert full of editing and second guessing themselves, so you can shove it, wife, if you think I should take up crochet or bowling instead!

Ah damn…did it again Karma -5

5) This past weekend, in Fernie, British Columbia, I beat up my friend for kicking me off his beer pong team. And by beat up I mean he was kicking the shit out of me and then hit his own head on a couch and proceeded to bleed all over our rented cabin. Not our proudest moment, but that’s what three days of drinking scotch and whiskey does to a guy. Negative karma overdrive. Either that or he was the dumbass and was probably just shedding some bad karma he’d built up over 2014. How does Karma -1 sound?

TOTAL KARMA COUNT: -11

So, if one book review = +1 karma, that means 13 book reviews are in order.

Feed me!!! @ dustinbilyk@gmail.com with your short story, novella or novel! I’ll be prompt and brutally honest with you, just as I was with all of you.