On the 12th October it was Mollie’s birthday and she turned eleven years old, time is flying and she is growing up fast.   Birthdays are usually very fraught occasions with tensions running high for weeks in advance.  We will often see a spike in behaviour, more hyperactivity than usual, an inability to focus on anything for long and the need for constant one to one attention as her anticipation of the big day builds into a climax.  On the day everything is always pre planned to Mollie’s exact specifications which we carry out to the letter in order to avoid her any disappointment which can quickly lead to a meltdown.

This year however Mollie was strangely calm in the weeks and the days leading up to her birthday.  I have no idea why we have been spared all of the usual spikes in behaviour this year, perhaps it is a sign of growing maturity, perhaps she is beginning to feel calmer over her birthdays in the knowledge that we will go with her schedule or perhaps it is a complete one off  never to be repeated again.  Whatever the reason we were very grateful for such a calmer time.

Her birthday weekend began with a trip to Alton Towers on the 11th October which was the day before her actual birthday.  She also allowed Jake’s girlfriend to come with us which in itself was a major breakthrough.  Mollie loves to be the absolute centre of attention and so Jake giving considerable time and attention to his girlfriend of ten months was something that I was expecting Mollie to have a lot of difficulty adjusting to.  Initially Mollie resented the attention that E received from her brother and so I explained to Mollie that if we didn’t welcome E into the family that we may loose Jake all together because this would mean that he would be spending more time with E’s family rather than ours.  This was a concept that she appeared to understand and so when Mollie agreed that E could attend her birthday trip to Alton Towers I felt that it was a really important step forward her.  We had left the choice completely up to her and I was pleased that she made a good decision based on her understanding the complexities of the social situation and being able to adjust to it.

The day trip to Alton Towers was a huge success and ran smoothly.  Mollie had complete control over the whole day and she planned what we would be doing throughout the course of the day.  Life is so much easier when your other child is approaching adulthood and can make the necessary allowances and adjustments in order to meet the needs of your child with PDA.  That being said it is important not to underplay the huge amount of micro management, being alert to any possible triggers and detecting and re-directing any subtle signs that Mollie may be struggling that both myself and Lee are constantly doing at all times.  We are like a couple of Meerkats on constant alert and lookout both for external triggers and Mollie’s ever-changing internal state.

Lee and Mollie on Air at Alton Towers

On Mollies actual birthday we had a nice quite morning.  She opened her presents which were far less than usual due to the high ticket price of her main present which, due to the cost, needed to be a joint present from her parents, grandparents and her aunt and uncle.  She had wanted a new touch screen computer with a high spec graphics card.  Again this was another monumental achievement from Mollie because she settled for less numbers of presents due to the cost of her main present.  The concept of money and that it doesn’t grow on trees isn’t one that usually resonates with her.  If she wants something then her obsessional need to have it often overrides any practicalities.  But on this birthday she happily accepted one main gift and the fact that she would have to cough up any monetary gifts bestowed on her to us in order to offset the cost of the computer.

On Mollie’s birthday all focus needs to be on Mollie unless she instructs us otherwise, she needs to feel like she is the centre of the universe and we have long learned that it is far calmer if we are both around on Mollie’s birthday so that we can give her that attention throughout the day.  Consequently Lee did not attend Jake’s football match on Sunday even though he is assistant manager because Moll would deem that football was more important than her birthday if he had of done.  In the morning we played on Mollie’s computer and in the afternoon Ann, Mollies Personal Assistant (PA) came to play with her which Mollie was pleased about.

In the evening we took Mollie, at her request, for a family birthday meal at a pub that she is comfortable in just down the road from our house. The evening progressed very nicely and again I saw important changes in Mollie.  She was no longer needing to control all the aspects of the evening as she had done in the past.  We were allowed to choose our own seats and she did not try to dominate the conversation around the table.  She only sat under the table on a couple of occasions due to her disappointment that Jake wouldn’t, due to shyness, do his ‘Blueberry Bear’ voice in public.

So all in all , this year, due perhaps to a combination of maturing years and the experiences that we have drawn from previous years Mollie’s birthday was a huge success.  Only this time last year she was unable to leave the house and spent her birthday at home with family coming over for a birthday tea and she required far more micro management.  This year she has been to Alton Towers and out to a pub for a family celebration.  What a difference a year makes!

Mollie’s Birthday Family Meal Obviously Lee is behind the Camera!

Mollie Preparing to Blow Out Her Candles

Thank you for reading this post.  For more information about PDA please view http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/ and http://www.thepdaresource.com/

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