Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A previously undisclosed investigation by Human Resources into the quality of the personnel at the correctional facilities under its jurisdiction has revealed a bleak pattern of neglect and abuse. The Bunker's prisons are a holding place for citizens whose crimes pose no serious threat to the continued existence of our utopia and whose wellbeing is therefore still valued. Common infractions punishable by temporary confinement and reeducation are drunken and disorderly conduct, certain violations of the General Guidelines on Sanitation and Hygiene, or being the twenty-sixth person standing in a queue. The report assigns most of the blame to the private firm in control of daily operations at our prisons, Justice For All, Inc. Additional details will be related as they become available.
In other news, an exciting trend has been sweeping through the Lower Quarters of virtually every sector. As everyone knows, cologne is marketed and sold to men, whereas women tend to wear perfume. But why? Well, what started as a consequence for losing a friendly bet has turned into all the rage. What are we talking about? Men wearing women's perfume. You might have picked up on the scent in our corridors or even tried it yourself. And why not? Breaking gender roles is a tradition the Bunker is proud of. Beyond providing a job, food, and security to each and every one of its citizens, the Bunker is also a place for all of us to learn to know and express ourselves. What about you, ladies? Ready to try on some cologne?
And now a word from our sponsors.
You look like someone who appreciates a good story. As you doubtless already know, Today's Edition has been spun off from Human Resources and is now in the gentle care of Savanna Publishing, Ltd. Reporting the news costs money. Lots and lots of money. But we appreciate the importance to society of making this information available to everyone. That's why Today's Edition can still be read free of charge up to four times a monthstretch. But if you really want to know what's going on, you'll be interested in our premium service. Published each daystretch, each edition contains more of everything you've come to expect from Today's Edition: more stories, more in-depth analysis, and more information about the Bunker's best and most innovative private firms and their products. Consider signing up today!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Possession of firearms of any sort requires an Epsilon clearance or higher. But what if in the course of our daily lives we chance upon one lying abandoned in the back of a closet or lost under someone's desk? Remember, citizen, it is not your responsibility to retrieve the weapon in question. Leave it where it is and report its location immediately to someone from Homeland Security or Defense. Firearms are restricted to persons with a security clearance for a reason. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
The Ronald Reagan Plaza in Q-7 sector has been selected as the venue for the upcoming Race To The Top! Climbers who aspire to scale the dome can register on X.net. Also, a new bank of lifts has been installed at the Ted Nugent Building in R-8 sector. The stairwells will therefore be reclaimed for additional office space.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Want to be rich beyond your wildest dreams? Did you know that if you purchased one Star Lottery ticket each weekstretch until infinity, you would be sure to eventually hit our jackpot? Can you hear the credits rolling in already? Star Lottery tickets cost a mere two credits. Tickets can be purchased online. Remember, the Star Lottery is a signatory of the Lottery Association's self-regulated and strictly enforced code of ethics. Star Lottery... share your dreams with us!
The Color of the Patriot is fuchsia.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
A previously undisclosed investigation by Human Resources into the quality of the personnel at the correctional facilities under its jurisdiction has revealed a bleak pattern of neglect and abuse. The Bunker's prisons are a holding place for citizens whose crimes pose no serious threat to the continued existence of our utopia and whose wellbeing is therefore still valued. Common infractions punishable by temporary confinement and reeducation are drunken and disorderly conduct, certain violations of the General Guidelines on Sanitation and Hygiene, or being the twenty-sixth person standing in a queue. The report assigns most of the blame to the private firm in control of daily operations at our prisons, Justice For All, Inc. Additional details will be related as they become available.
In other news, an exciting trend has been sweeping through the Lower Quarters of virtually every sector. As everyone knows, cologne is marketed and sold to men, whereas women tend to wear perfume. But why? Well, what started as a consequence for losing a friendly bet has turned into all the rage. What are we talking about? Men wearing women's perfume. You might have picked up on the scent in our corridors or even tried it yourself. And why not? Breaking gender roles is a tradition the Bunker is proud of. Beyond providing a job, food, and security to each and every one of its citizens, the Bunker is also a place for all of us to learn to know and express ourselves. What about you, ladies? Ready to try on some cologne?
And now a word from our sponsors.
You look like someone who appreciates a good story. As you doubtless already know, Today's Edition has been spun off from Human Resources and is now in the gentle care of Savanna Publishing, Ltd. Reporting the news costs money. Lots and lots of money. But we appreciate the importance to society of making this information available to everyone. That's why Today's Edition can still be read free of charge up to four times a monthstretch. But if you really want to know what's going on, you'll be interested in our premium service. Published each daystretch, each edition contains more of everything you've come to expect from Today's Edition: more stories, more in-depth analysis, and more information about the Bunker's best and most innovative private firms and their products. Consider signing up today!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Possession of firearms of any sort requires an Epsilon clearance or higher. But what if in the course of our daily lives we chance upon one lying abandoned in the back of a closet or lost under someone's desk? Remember, citizen, it is not your responsibility to retrieve the weapon in question. Leave it where it is and report its location immediately to someone from Homeland Security or Defense. Firearms are restricted to persons with a security clearance for a reason. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
The Ronald Reagan Plaza in Q-7 sector has been selected as the venue for the upcoming Race To The Top! Climbers who aspire to scale the dome can register on X.net. Also, a new bank of lifts has been installed at the Ted Nugent Building in R-8 sector. The stairwells will therefore be reclaimed for additional office space.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Want to be rich beyond your wildest dreams? Did you know that if you purchased one Star Lottery ticket each weekstretch until infinity, you would be sure to eventually hit our jackpot? Can you hear the credits rolling in already? Star Lottery tickets cost a mere two credits. Tickets can be purchased online. Remember, the Star Lottery is a signatory of the Lottery Association's self-regulated and strictly enforced code of ethics. Star Lottery... share your dreams with us!
The Color of the Patriot is fuchsia.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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