They say learning to receive is just as important as giving. But for some reason I think the grand majority of people feel more comfortable giving. Giving of their time, money or feeling in a kind smile, we give and we don’t even take note, it’s just a part in our day. However on the receiving we tend to be more selective, if we get a compliment for example sometimes our first reaction might be to rebuke it with “Yeah, but...” or we might get an unexpected gift and feel out of sorts.
I thought I was very comfortable with giving and receiving. Until yesterday when this very significant lesson arrived.
The holiday season is coming close and I wanted to a special gift I had seen. In one of many conversations with my mother, I mentioned I had started saving up for that putting aside an amount each time I could.
Yesterday I visited my mother and we were talking when she said nonchalantly “Oh I have something to give you” and she came back with and envelope, I know her well enough to know she was contributing to my ‘present cause’ . Immediately before she even extended her hand I said “No thank you”
She stubbornly shoved the envelope at me as I said continuously “I don’t want it. Thank you” until I left it on top of a table and we changed subjects to something else. As I said my farewell my mother –bless her- grabbed the envelope back and this time she put it directly on an open tote handbag I had with me, this time I hugged her and said “Thank you”
I went about my day forgetting about the small envelope in my bag until I was home in the afternoon and I reached for it and reached again and then spilled everything in the bag on top of the bed and … no envelope. The sense of loss was making me look at the empty bag, go to the car and look below the car seats and every place I could look in there.
Until very sadly I realized the universe had manifested my wish as I said I didn’t want that envelope and a very impotent and frustrated feeling showed up for some time, till I had to do dinner, check homework’s and lost my emotions in daily activities.
This morning I remembered again the small white envelope and said out loud “I really want the envelope. I want to receive the envelope and I want to receive the money” in that moment I felt an inner voice guide me to a folder I had in my handbag with office papers yesterday, I had left it by my small desk and forgotten about it.
Even before opening the folder I knew my intuition had spoken as I opened myself up to receiving and as I saw the envelope in the middle of the papers I could help to be amazed of the power we have to create our destiny by our words and actions.