Vanessa is one of those characters that people love to hate at times. After��Glyph’s release,��there was a huge split in fan base and a “Team Mal” vs. “Team Vanessa” thing happened. I received so many emails and comments about who some of you thought Shawnee should end up with. It fueled some of the early relationship stuff in the books. All of it was a lot of fun. Vanessa is a complicated character. We see very little of her history at first. Instead, we see her confidence, her arrogance, sexiness, and at times, dominance. She’s a quirky, weird cat and it makes her stand out from the wolves. In Sacred, we learn a lot more about Vanessa and her pride. The short that I’m sharing today is from Vanessa’s point of view pre-Glyph, when Shawnee wasn’t doing so well in life. Vanessa’s role in Shawnee’s survival was pivotal. We know Shawnee wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for Vanessa. However, that’s only a small part of their story. The reason I enjoy writing Shawnee and Vanessa is the depth of their relationship, and the struggles they’ve gone through. They’ve earned everything they’re given in life. Vanessa is my favorite character, second to Shawnee, but that’s only because I know her full back story.

Enjoy!

Max

~~~~

Reeling

by Max

�� �� ��“Lift up, now hop,” Vanessa said, tapping the little girl on the knee. The��girl followed through with the dance step, her ponytail bouncing along with her as she looked to Vanessa for approval. “Good, now sevens. Go on.” Vanessa nodded and stepped away from the girl who took her place in the center of the mat to dance the full reel. Vanessa watched her intently with arms draped loosely around her middle. “Good job, Ellen,” she said when the girl stopped. “Watch your counts on the last step so you don’t finish before the music.”

“Okay,” Ellen said. A bright smile curved her eight-year-old lips. “What about ballet?”

“Still a little bit of sickling. Work on releve, all right?” Vanessa nodded toward the ballet barre against the wall. “Alicia, you can join her.”

“Okay,” said the dark-haired, slightly older girl. The two rushed off to practice.

“Have you seen Owen yet?” Caroline asked as she entered the studio from the office to the side. She, like Vanessa, wore a full-body leotard with a light green skirt. Caroline pinned her brunette hair back in a tight bun. Vanessa let intimidating strands of ginger hang loosely around her middle.

“No, he hasn’t shown up,” Vanessa said, turning to Caroline as she watched the girls out of the corner of her eye.

“We’ve got competition in two days,” Caroline said, exasperated. “This is why boys drop out of dance. Everyone else makes football their priority instead.”

“We’re also teaching dance in the middle of Wyoming. It isn’t exactly New York or L.A.” Vanessa snapped her fingers and the girls looked over at her. “Turnouts,” she said and the girls practiced the move together. Ellen followed the lead of the older Alicia.

“It still matters.” Caroline lowered the clipboard and sighed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, why?” Vanessa drew her gaze from the girls to her friend.

“You look tired,” she commented but Vanessa shrugged. “Eliseth called this morning. She wants you and I to dance at the Spring festival. I know you’ll say no but I have to ask.”

“You ask me every year,” Vanessa said.

“When was the last time you danced for an audience, Vinnie? C’mon.” Caroline nudged her shoulder.

“The last time I danced, Dugan ruined it. Like he ruins everything. Jarleth does nothing about it. So I’m not dancing,” Vanessa answered flatly.

“I don’t remember that,” Caroline said, her features softening with empathy. “What’d he do?” Vanessa glanced to the kids, who continued their practice on their own, before returning her attention to Caroline.

“You were on stage already,” she said.

“I know.”

“He came backstage,” Vanessa spoke then pursed her lips. Her heart pounded a bit faster as anger bubbled up. Dugan ruins everything.

“And did what?” Caroline glanced over Vanessa’s shoulder as she sensed Vanessa’s words diminishing with the stress.

“Bothered me, touched me. I don’t know what you want to hear. What does it matter? It’s always the same, Caroline. I’m not talking about it and I’m not dancing,” Vanessa spat.

“Fine, fine. I’m not saying you have to. I just want to know why he bothers you so much.” Caroline brushed the back of her hand over Vanessa’s cheek. “Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Yeah.” Vanessa accepted the affection then drew her gaze back to the girls. “Practice the reel with music, all right?”

“Okay,” the girls said in unison, giggling after.

“You’re being short with them,” Caroline said. “Eventually they’ll notice.”

“Something’s wrong,” Vanessa said, rubbing the center of her chest.

“Not again.” Caroline sighed, gesturing around her. “What this time?”

“I don’t know. I need to go.” Stress grayed Vanessa’s pale complexion as worry rose heatedly in her torso.

“She’s going to kill you from worry.” Caroline set the clipboard down. “Why do you keep on it?”

Vanessa’s lips thinned as she frowned at Caroline for even questioning her motives.

“Just go on, it’s all right. I’m being sour over the boys skipping. I’m sorry.” She waved her hand in Vanessa’s direction.

��***

�� �� ��Beer and anger scented the apartment when Vanessa bended in. She found Shawnee on the floor beside the bed, curled up in a battered blanket. The room was in shambles, clothes on the floor, a broken lamp in a corner. At first glance, it appeared like a scene from a burglary. Vanessa crouched down, stroking Shawnee’s hair gently. She didn’t stir.

“Shawnee,” Vanessa said, her voice soft.

She didn’t respond and Vanessa gave her a gentle nudge. Shawnee opened her bloodshot eyes and made a feeble attempt to push Vanessa away.

“What’ve you done? Who was here?” she asked.

“No one,” Shawnee said though she pointed toward the living room.

Vanessa stood and exited the bedroom to inspect the rest of the house. Two wine glasses sat out on the kitchen table, two plates in the sink, and the distinct odor of sex lingered in the air. Fury rolled over her shoulders and clenched her fists as images of someone touching Shawnee flashed across her mind’s eye. She imagined him walking in the front door, and tearing him to pieces before he had a chance to breathe. Vanessa did what she could to keep a hold of herself, but his scent pissed her off. She picked up one of the glasses and slammed it into a wall so hard that the shards rebounded, implanting a fragment in her arm. She ripped it out and flung it aside.

“What are you doing?” Shawnee croaked from behind her.

Vanessa��spun around and, at the sight of her, calmed down. “Nothing. Who was here?”

“I dunno. Someone. It doesn’t matter.” Shawnee stumbled as she turned toward the bathroom. Vanessa followed her as she hovered beside the toilet, gripping her stomach.

“It does matter, Shawnee,” she said, reaching around Shawnee to turn on the bathtub. When the water warmed, she pressed the stopper into the drain.

“It doesn’t,” Shawnee responded and, instead of vomiting, she put the lid down on the toilet and sat.

“It matters.” Vanessa crouched in front of her and began removing Shawnee’s clothing. Shawnee pushed her away, over and over again, but Vanessa persisted until her friend wore nothing except the scar on her belly. She lifted Shawnee from her spot and placed her in the warm tub of water.

“Leave me alone,” Shawnee said and��sucked in her breath when the water hit her skin.

“No,” Vanessa said and began pouring water over Shawnee’s head. She fought the onslaught of emotions as they battled inside her. It killed her when Shawnee acted this way, when she couldn’t see how she hurt herself. She’d helped her the best she could, ached for her at times. Shawnee put her chin down on her knees and finally seemed to succumb to the care-taking.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered.

“You’re not sorry,” Vanessa said as she poured shampoo on her hair.

“Yes I am.” Shawnee turned to look at her, flinching under the scalp massage.

“If you were sorry, you’d protect yourself better. You’d know how painful it is to see you this way.” Once Shawnee was lathered up, Vanessa��dropped her hands into the water. She��wasn’t sure what she hated more, Shawnee’s pain or the water.

“It just happens. I’m sorry.” Shawnee rinsed her own hair but kept her eyes on Vanessa afterward.

“This.” Vanessa gestured around her. “Just happens. Putting that first taste of alcohol to your lips, that’s your choice. Things wouldn’t ‘just happen’ if you had control of yourself.”

“I have control of myself, Vanessa.” Shawnee frowned.

“You don’t have even the mildest semblance of control. I’m not sure what I can do to make you see that.” Resignation settled heavy in her heart. Shawnee was her best friend, her everything. Seeing her hurt, pained, damaged, broke her more than anything. Even more than Dugan’s torment.

“I’m sorry,” Shawnee repeated her plea, this time sounding somewhat more genuine.

“Get dressed. I’ll go clean up the glass.” She��stood and set a clean towel on the sink.

Vanessa cleaned up more than the glass. She picked up the broken lamp and changed the sheets. What she wouldn’t tell Shawnee was that instead of throwing the sheets in the laundry, she chucked them out the window into the dumpster several floors below. The smell of whatever guy Shawnee had in the room repulsed her and angered her all together.

Shawnee emerged from the bathroom. Although less hung over, she still appeared sickly frail and sad under her oversize clothes. Vanessa couldn’t comprehend how at times she appeared as a brilliant doctor, juggled the lives of patients and dangerous chemicals, yet she could barely take care of herself. As she set out the clean blanket on the bed, Vanessa allowed her leotard to fade against her skin as her green dress replaced it. Shawnee stared at her while frowning but made no note or comment about the magic she just witnessed.

“Come here,” Vanessa said as she sat down on the bed, a deep sigh escaping her.

Shawnee joined her friend, standing in front of her. Vanessa placed her hands on her hips, resting her head against Shawnee’s stomach. They remained this way for several minutes. Connected in an intimate yet superficial way. Eventually, Shawnee broke and ran her fingers through Vanessa’s hair. Her rude demeanor lost in her humanity. Vanessa sniffled as she fought back tears laden with pain.

Shawnee broke away, keeping her gaze on Vanessa as she climbed into bed, letting the cool clean sheets drape around her. She held open the blanket and Vanessa climbed in beside her, resting her head on the pillow. They watched each other quietly for a while before Vanessa reached out to stroke Shawnee’s hair. She allowed it.

“What happened to you?” Vanessa whispered.

The question brought forth tears in Shawnee’s eyes. They slid silently down her cheeks, trickling to a small spot on the pillow. Shawnee shook her head but didn’t answer.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Vanessa said, pulling Shawnee into an embrace. Rigidity met her arms at first until Shawnee relaxed and, in time, her arms found their way around Vanessa. They held each other until Shawnee’s tears stopped. She twirled a strand of Vanessa’s hair around her finger.

“I’m sorry,” Shawnee’s barely audible words met Vanessa’s ear.

“I know.” Vanessa sighed, rolling onto her back so that Shawnee could rest her head on her shoulder. Vanessa draped one arm around her and together they rested their laced fingers on the blanket. “Want to watch a movie?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“A funny one?” Vanessa lifted a brow then reached for the remote. Shawnee nodded. “How about that one with the goofy elf that you like?”

“Yeah.” Shawnee laughed a little and snuggled closer to Vanessa as she flipped through the channels.

As the movie began, Vanessa felt Shawnee’s arms tighten around her as if she snuck in affection of her own. Vanessa knew that Shawnee would never admit to these tender moments. Only when she was most vulnerable did she allow it. Even though, at times, everything seemed terribly chaotic, these were the moments she looked forward to. No matter what Caroline said, no matter what anyone said about their friendship, this is what she held on to. Just like she had when they were roommates in college. Apart they weren’t very good at navigating the world. Together, the pieces fit better. And the ache in Vanessa’s chest found solace.

~~~~