As the mainstream political news around Delhi elections turn into an epic, irresistible drama, yours truly can’t resist from breaking some wind on the matter:

AAP’s Fan: What is it with Kiran Bedi? Is she the new Rahul Gandhi?

BJP’s Cooler: Oye! She’s far better than pappu. And more civilized than your jhadu-man. That anarchist…

AAP’s Fan: Oh yes, yes. Of course. The peaceful Bedi will actually be the new Manmohan Singh, if she becomes the CM. She’s that civilized and obedient, no?

BJP’s Cooler: And your Kejriwal? What about his U-turns? Why forget all the anti-corruption agenda? Howcome he’s all pro-development this time? Is he trying to be the new Modi? Sorry, I mean Modi ji.  

AAP’s Fan: Kejriwal is still committed towards eradicating corruption. He has learned to compromise a little though. Anyway, AAP will deal with a wider spectrum of issues. You can kindly read it in our manifesto.

BJP’s Cooler: Who reads that bullshit? People want development. And hope, mostly.

AAP’s Fan: Whatever. Why are your party leaders always evading debates? We have been trying to get your people in for debates not roasting. Scared of a simple debate? What about that 56” chest? Has it got any muscle or just hot air?

BJP’s Cooler: Don’t provoke me. You know what that leads to.

AAP’s Fan: You’re all corrupt! 

BJP’s Cooler: Yeah, yeah sure. Everyone else is corrupt, except you my milk-bathed AAPian. Corruption reminds me, did you like our Hawala at Midnight move? That must have hurt. :P

AAP’s Fan: If those two crores were shady, why the hell would we make it public? And that too on our own website! You’re more stupid than I thought.

BJP’s Cooler: It’s not a question of who is more stupid. It’s a question of who’s more cunning. But the interesting thing for me was to know that you too have friends. Powerful friends. With decent money. Not just autowallahs.   

AAP’s Fan: Our donation totals mere 60 crores so far. You’ve got several thousand crores (3000?) from unknown sources. Of all the people in world, you, you haven’t got the right to point a finger.

BJP’s Cooler: True. But we also didn’t go about calling ourselves ‘Honest People’s Party’? Did we? First, you went to crazy depths doing dharnas and what not to teach these people that honesty and transparency are important. Now, these very same people, will go to any depth to judge you, and yes, only you with the values you yourself taught them. They’ll never question our ‘Indian People’s Party’ with the same strictness. Because our measure of success is Indianness not honesty. More development we provide, irrespective of how we provide, more we win. You see?

AAP’s Fan: (Insert long logical arguments, honesty, transparency, accountability here)

BJP’s Cooler: (Insert bhakti, business/economy fundas, Gujarat model here)

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AAP’s Fan: Thy shall lose next week. Thine grave is ready. People of Delhi will dig it. 

BJP’s Cooler: Talk all the fancy English you want. When it comes to politics, it’s all about blowing. And we both know that my wind is stronger.