I���ve never been one of those wimpy writers who mope for days after their latest rejection. I���m kind of a ���fuck-it-move-on��� sort of gal. Still, there ARE rejections that hurt more than others.

Why is that?

Well, they hurt because they���re the ones you actually thought you had a chance with.

There are new renditions of an old feeling going around these days: the crush. Over many years of writing I���ve had my share of publisher and agent crushes. They usually start with a wildly enthusiastic interest: ���I���d LOVE to read your first 50 pages!��� ���I don���t know why that intrigues me, but it does!��� ���Have you thought about who you���d like to see cast in the movie version?���

You can understand why my pulse races and my heart pounds the moment I see an email from them���it���s like being on Match.com. Someone is interested in me! They think I have something worthwhile to say!

Then you open your soul to them. You let them see what even your loved ones have not seen. Those words that you bled over for hours, days, years: rewriting, cutting, pasting, and following a path of synonyms in Roget���s Thesaurus the way a chicken will follow corn.

And while you wait you fantasize, imagining breathtaking scenarios. A bidding war for your next three books. The Nobel prize for Literature. A permanent address in Hawaii. Being on Oprah.

Weeks later, you are still waiting. No emails. No calls. Not even the dreaded SASE returning home like a broke college student. You���re torn between making a nuisance of yourself with the forbidden follow up. But you heed the dire warnings because you feel that if you breach those instructions it will taint the unlikely possibility of them EVER wanting to read your material. ���Don���t call us to check on the status of your manuscript.��� ���We will respond only if interested.��� And though you wait all you get is cold, dead silence.

Then one day there���s an email with the title of your book in the subject line.Your heart beats erratically with hope, then almost stops as you read those death knoll words, ���This is a subjective business. I���m sure another agent/publisher will feel differently��� ���I���m taking on very few new clients��� or ���It���s just not for me.���

So you, and your hopes for your manuscript, are dashed. How dare they lead me on! Did they even read it? And while some of your crushes will elicit bitter disappoint, others with linger with poignant daydreams of what might have been if they had represented or published you. But deep in your heart you know it wasn���t personal, not about you or your manuscript. You just have to keep writing and believe that one day the crush will be mutual.