For a long time, a very long time, I felt like I was able to have my cake and eat it too.

Steve and I started Bebb Studios as a part time gig in the summer of 1999. It was never meant to be our primary source of income, never meant to be what it became. Fast forward a few months and in January, 2000 we both jumped into this crazy world full time, the same week our oldest child was born.

Bebb Studios never existed without our kids, our kids never existed without the studio. It was this weirdly awesome, beyond crazy, totally fulfilling balancing act that is, in hindsight, a blur. Our kids’ earliest days were spent with weekends at Grandma’s house as we documented milestones in the lives of our clients.

Our family time was filled with side trips to pick up film at the lab and buy our proof books on the way to the aquarium or park. Nap time was spent on contracts and administration. We made our business part of our family and our family part of our business.

And it worked. I had my cake and was eating it too.

Until it didn’t. As the boys got older we started to miss things. We spent Logan’s 8th birthday speaking to photographers at a conference, listening to him cry because we weren’t home just moments before taking the stage. We spent Ethan’s birthdays shooting weddings (he is a June baby) instead of hosting a party for his friends.

We spent much of the Spring of 2008 on the road putting a brave public face while battling for my health and our marriage. We (I) buried it all under a facade of happiness, leaving no room to grieve the loss of possibility and setting myself up for a massive meltdown at some point in the future.

Our cake started to taste a little dry.

It came to a head a few years ago as we left Logan in the care of my parents as we headed off to a speaking engagement. We had done this so many times before, but this was different. This time Logan was competing for a medal in the provincials and we had to drive away, missing this event that meant to world to him. We were missing milestones and experiences that were shaping our children and it didn’t feel right anymore.

We knew it was time to make plans for change, but we had no idea what to do. We were stuck.

Until one day I woke up and decided I don’t like cake.

That day I walked into the office and quit. I left Steve with everything, turning my back on something we had put our heart and soul into building. I walked away from the business and towards my children determined to never miss another milestone.

A year later Steve followed me out – he realized he doesn’t like cake either.

We’ve been calling it a sabbatical, keeping the door open to return, but we know we are done. We’ve been done for a while. So today I made it official. I took down the website and put up a thank you message. It’s done.

I am now living a life that is more satisfying than I thought possible. I live within my needs, not my wants, and I chase experiences instead of the dollar. I work way harder for way less money and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. This is where I am right now and this is what matters to me.