It's a question, isn't it? Which came first - the head or the hat? I mean, if the hat came first, then who invented the head? Was it some omnipotent headpiece, desperately seeking a perching point somewhere in the known - or unknown! - universe?
Personally, I favour Einstein's Nineteenth Theorem of Relatives, which states, as you all know, that when they can't think of anything else to give you for your birthday, your family will give you a hat - or a cap, a sombrero, a bonnet, or anything really, as long as it covers your head.
Which is fine if you live in a hot country and need protection from the sun, but for several million of us northern-hemisphere dwellers, it really is not a problem we have to live with for most of the year.
Protection from the rain, you say? No, a false allegation. It's the rain that makes our hair grow, and I, for one, am reluctant to halt that trend.
But let me let you into a secret. This is not widely known - well, it is now, especially if you are reading this - but a hat increases your thinking power.
Just think about it for a minute- with or without your hat, please make your own decision. A hat makes your head bigger. The bigger the head, the bigger the thoughts. The bigger the hat, the bigger the head, the bigger the - well, you can work it out.
So whenever I'm writing, I wear an enormous hat. We've had to raise the ceilings in most of the rooms of the house because of it, and in those that we couldn't, well, we lowered the floor. You see, I've reached the point where I simply can't write without it. Plus I like to walk around the house when I'm even thinking about writing, hence the transformation of the entire building.
Visitors tend to think we must have bought our dwelling from a small giant, because we certainly can't tell them about my peculiar habit - I don't want them copying me and writing amazing books of their own - so a local legend has sprung up about the giants of Deepdark. That's where we live, you see. I admit it is a spooky place, and some parts of it are downright dangerous, but hey, it's all grist for the creative mill.
Needless to say, I've only encouraged the rumours about the giants, basically because it makes life more interesting, and also because I've got a sneaking suspicion that it's true. Well, I have seen some pretty big footprints in the garden......