Babies are weird, when you think about it. There’s a lot that they do that we don’t understand. Of course when you really think about it, they’re experiencing so many new things every day and have little ways of communicating with us, so most of their behaviour is completely rational.

Still. They’re weird.

This is something I’ve realised over the last three months, since I joined the Mum Club. Before, babies were just cute. My daughter certainly is cute, in my completely biased opinion, but she’s also extremely possessive of the weird trait. Here is why, in no particular order.

1. She gets distracted by everything.

Seriously. She’ll be mid-scream and suddenly stop to stare at a wall. Then she remembers she was upset about something and continues from where she left off. Weird.

2. She finds boring stuff really interesting.

See above about staring at walls. Other favourite activities include giggling at ceilings, watching the sky and observing the pattern on our living room furniture.

3. She sleeps… And then she doesn’t.

This evening, she fell asleep while feeding. It was early, so I didn’t believe it. So, I tested it. I shifted her weight. I rolled her over. I even turned her slightly sort of upside down. Nothing. So I decided to take advantage, and get an early night myself. Five minutes after tucking her in, she wakes up. Gah.

4. She LOVES nappy changes.

Yes, I wrote that right. She kicks, she squeals, she waves her arms in the air, cause she just don’t care. Or rather, she does care, and she likes it. If only she liked putting her clothes back ON as much.

5. She likes to eat her hand.

Makes sense. Hungry, so put most convenient object in mouth. But when I try to actually feed her, she shoves her fists in her mouth even harder. Do her hands provide better milk than my boobs? I think not.

6. When she’s hungry, she does gymnastics.

My husband will be holding her vertically one moment, and the next she’s worked her way to be horizontal. No doubt an effort to find the breast and latch on, but nevertheless, it’s an odd skill.

7. She farts. A lot.

I don’t know if all babies do this, or if it’s my diet or what, but sometimes I feel nothing less than a two octave scale of vibration. And they’re not silent either. Or odourless. Far from it. I wonder if we should be worried, or take advantage and charge people to hear our baby parp the national anthem. I wouldn’t pay to see that, but some people would. There are some real weirdos out there. Like my daughter. And so, we come full circle.

8. She holds her own hands.

She clasps them together in front of her, as though she’s politely waiting for someone to speak. A lot of the time she fidgets too, sort of wringing them together. One friend pointed out that she was ‘plotting against me’, which I thought was a very good point. I’ve been paranoid that she’s actually an evil genius ever since.

9. You think she’s clever. Then you don’t.

This is my husband’s favourite story. Our daughter will seem like she’s really getting somewhere. She’ll successfully wriggle her way out from under a blanket, or push herself off from you using her legs, or kick when we take her swimming. And then she pokes herself in the eye. Clever girl? Not so much.

10. She has a bendy back.

When you pick her up when she’s sleeping, like after a car journey, she’ll arch her back better than I’ve ever been able to. It’s impressive, but also makes it quite difficult to hold her without a) risking dropping her and b) folding her into a pretzel baby.

See?