A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!

This is Marsha Wong, who some have erroneously (and others treacherously) accused of being a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.

And I'm Hillary Binzer, sometimes confused with being a field organizer in the same!

Hillary and I want to set the record straight: we have always been the proud announcers of Your Edition Today!

The leading source of news you have come to depend on and trust.

You should be well advised before you state otherwise. And if you don't know what we're talking about, we have a very important announcement for you today. So keep reading!

Well, it's probably more important for some citizens and not others.

That's right, Hillary. Glad you mentioned it. We'll leave it up to you to figure out which group you belong to.

What Marsha and I mean is that Control has caught wind of a certain underhanded but extremely dangerous conspiracy.

Orchestrated by the worst and most notorious traitors, no doubt.

It always is, Marsha. But this particular conspiracy is even worse than all the others.

It always is, Hillary. Be aware that Homeland Security will be on the lookout for anyone exhibiting signs of participating in this grand deception and will take the necessary measures immediately. As in, without hesitation.

No more talk of a vast, Bunker-wide disaster will be tolerated. There has been no disaster, there never was any disaster, and there never will be any disaster. The Bunker is a utopia. Nothing untoward could ever happen to it.

You heard her right, citizens. It appears that over the course of the last few weekstretches, an evil fifth column has been actively working to convince everyone that the power has gone out, the ambient temperature is fluctuating wildly, and the cybots have run amok. There is even talk that certain departments have been exposed to the planetary conditions on the outside.

Citizens, nothing could be further than the truth. And if you want to stay alive, you should pay attention to what Marsha and I are saying. Careful attention.

Control has noticed a sharp decline in industrial output over the same period. Clearly, these traitorous elements have devised a new strategy to attack our morale as opposed to our infrastructure.

We must, of course, fight back.

Not only will our work quotas be restored, but in many cases they will be temporarily increased.

You heard what Marsha said. We've got a lot of making up to do. And it would be very unwise for anyone to allege that the metro isn't running or their commissary is dispensing poison instead of healthy, nutritious Vitamim.

Or that D-7 sector doesn't exist anymore.

Because Control can clearly tell that the metro is running, your commissary is full of satisfied people, and D-7 sector is exactly where it's always been.

There's no point in claiming you're the only one showing up for work, either. After all, Control can plainly see that your entire team is happily plugging away at whatever it is they have always plugged away at. Except you. You're not plugging away.

Get it, citizens?

I think they got it, Hillary.

Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today!

And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.

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Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.