It seemed like a good idea at the time – at 4 Euros, the offer of a 40 minute journey exploring some of the waterways of Lille seemed too good to be true. Most of the group started the day by coughing up 10 Euros a head to explore Lille by bus and after an hour, we were hungry for more.

With a time duly arranged, we met up in the early afternoon by the entrance to the great ‘Queen of Citadels’ as described by the great military engineer Vauban, strategically placed at the junction of the rivers Deûle and Bucquet. At least, that is what the tourist brochure proclaimed.

The reality, if anything, was a little less glamorous. The weather was inclement, threatening to rain at any time and the temperature had dropped. Whilst we patiently waited for the allotted time, we took in the finer details of the monument to carrier pigeons, which I must confess I didn’t fancy.

We boarded the pleasure craft (which would turn out to be an ironic description) and took our seats, which offered a fine view of a local homeless man’s bijou accommodation by the canal side. Most excitingly, there was a duck with ten ducklings, three of which managed to slip through the canal locks and were separated from their mother. This was of great concern to us and we were delighted to see that the wake of our boat managed to open the lock gates just enough for the ducklings to be reunited with their siblings. It was quite an emotional moment and we had yet to set off.

Our guide enthusiastically started off in French and then English, pointing out some of the highlights of our forthcoming tour. Little did we know that what we had seen before we set off was probably the only highlight. We dealt with our impending fate as people often do in similar situations and made light of a bad situation through humour. Humour turned out to be an excellent method of collectively distancing ourselves from our boat trip and making it seem like it was not quite as bad as what it really was.

Seemingly oblivious to our nervous laughs and wisecracks, our tour guide rattled on, clearly passionate about the tour she was presenting. You had to tip your cap to her, either she was blissfully ignorant that she had lost the attention of the English-speaking contingent of the tour or she was determined to see it through, despite the increasingly farcical nature of the sights.

Somehow, we were duped into taking a tour of the industrial ‘heritage’ of Lille. Far from the romantic notion of motoring down an historic waterway, we were treated to sights of derelict warehouses, rounded off at the Port de Lille, which happens to be the third largest river port in France, after Paris and Strasbourg! It has excellent connections with road and rail. Clearly, the tour guide’s enthusiasm must have rubbed off on me somehow.