I highly doubt that anybody follows me so closely as to realize that I normally post twice a week, but last week, I didn't post at all. So, what happened last week?
        Bad editing happened last week.
        I feel strongly about reading indie and self-pub authors. I am convinced that there is good stuff out there that has not been backed by any of the Big Five, and those works can be buried easily if those of us writing (and reading) on the fringe don't speak up, create our own buzz, and take care of each other. Therefore, I look on purpose for books that have not been heavily reviewed on Amazon and GoodReads. I ask friends for their lesser-known recommendations. If all of those reviews are positive and make the book sound promising, I'm in. 
        My policy for book reviewing is simple. I want to put out the positive that I want to see in the literary world, so I only write up a review of the stuff that I'm reading that I want to encourage others to go read. I'm not a professional book reviewer (I highly doubt I even qualify as a book blogger at this point); I'm not well-read enough nor have I studied in the manner the professionals have in order to develop their own 'palate' so to speak. Because I'm not a pro, I don't see any reason to write a negative review - I'd rather just keep it to myself and find something that IS good to review for next time.
        That whole policy, however, was in theory until last week. Last week, I met a book that started out rough and became rougher (or it more rough? See, if I were writing to publish and charge you for that sentence, I'd look it up. Because I care about the customer. But you're getting this for free, so deal with it). I'm talking sentences that were so poorly punctuated it made my eyes water. I battled to about halfway through the novel, thinking that the plot had to have something to redeem it... but the plot actually took a detour into suckville and the dialogue went with it, riding misspelled shotgun. 
        And that's what we call a DNF (for did not finish), folks. Which is not at all what I wanted, and, to be honest, it set me back a bit. Any author who says they never doubt themselves is lying, and this utter failure of a book did put me back on my heels. I had to wonder - does my book come across as that unprofessional? Do people start reading Bound and snicker to themselves that this woman has no business releasing her work and then asking people to pay for it?
        And then, a student stopped me on his way out of class and thanked me for writing my novel (no joke - sincerely said "thank you"). He said he really enjoyed it and was glad that he's read it, even though at first he had thought it would be too long and, therefore, maybe too boring. That review will never get onto Amazon or GoodReads, but it made my day.
        So you pick up the shattered remains of your confidence and piece them back together into something resembling a competent author. You shove the doubts and questions back down again because they don't lead to anything productive.
        I also highly doubt that any of you are aware of the fact that I teach junior high English when I'm not wearing my super-writer costume. And I got to thinking that, while I am certainly no professional editor, that means that I have an added advantage in the editing phase of this work. Grammar is a big chunk of what I do, everyday, five times a day. In case you're wondering, today I got to play with participles. Pity the participle.
        Anyway, one thing my job has taught me is that confident readers sometimes get in their own way when it comes to grammar. I'll include myself in this camp. We put commas where they "look good" when we're supposed to be learning the grammar crap, and, because we're right most of the time, we never actually learn the rules. Especially with commas. Dear God with the commas.
        So, in an effort to be part of the solution and not the problem (I don't want to whine about poor grammar just because it makes me feel grammatically superior), I'd like to share with you the eight states of Commalandia as we travel to them in Mrs. Winn's 8th grade. I wish I could tell you that the geography teacher has never been asked about the location of Commalandia, but that would be a lie. And now you understand what I'm working with.
        Before I give you the states and their rules, please hear me say two things:
        A. Professional editing is a great thing. As an indie author, it should be a top priority for all of us to get at least line-editing done on our work. This is not in any way a substitution for having a professional check your work.
        B. There are always exceptions. These are simplified and they work 98.23% of the time. They are not the be-all and end-all of punctuation rules. I am also proudly pro Oxford comma (all hail), and all of these rules reflect my passion to make the next generation equally so. Please don't send me hate mail.
        Now, I give you...

The 8 states of Commalandia
After Intro Elements
    Intro elements include but are not limited to prepositional phrases, verbal phrases, and dependent/subordinate clauses. They can be one word, including the interjection (well, wow, hey). If you're setting the stage for your sentence and the group of words you have assembled can't stand on their own, you probably need a comma to join it properly with your main sentence (AKA independent clause).

Around Non-Essential Elements
    Simply put, if you can take it out of the sentence without altering the meaning, you need to put commas on both sides. To get technical, these are frequently relative dependent clauses.

Around Transitory Elements
    Your words like first, finally, on the other hand, for example, and however. They need commas anywhere they are toughing your main sentence - if they're at the beginning, they need a comma following them to join them to the main clause, if they're at the end, you need a comma before your transitory element, and if they're in the middle, you need commas on both sides.

In a Series
    This rule has more exceptions than any grammar rule should have. A very angry (or drunk) grammarian established the punctuation rules for this. So let me simplify. If you can take the items you're listing and flip-flop them in order and everything still makes sense, you need a comma betwixt the items. I also advocate the comma before and when you're listing the last item. For example; chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate.

Joining Independent Clauses
    If you have two clauses that can stand on their own (meaning you have a subject and a verb/predicate), and you are trying to put them together, you MUST use a comma and conjunction or a semi colon.

Nouns of Direct Address
    If you are naming the person being spoken to in the sentence, they are technically a non-essential element, and therefore need to be separated with a comma. You, dear reader, understand what I mean.

States, Years, and Titles
    All of these three need to be separated with commas. Every time.

With Quotations
    Can you hear me groaning where you are? This one's complex and tricky, but it centers on you, as the writer, knowing if you've completed the thought in your quote BEFORE you add in the "she sighed melodramatically under her breath" part. If you're not sure about this rule, look is up. No, really.

        So there you go. Hopefully this was more helpful than obnoxious. Consider your comma placement - because it's way more fun to be confident in your comma placement than saying simply 'it looked good there'. At least I think it's fun. Almost as much fun as memorizing the list of most commonly used prepositions, but, you know, it would be exhausting for all days to be that riveting.