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By Ladderane Arsole Author of Student Loan Exodus:  Return to Nuclear Family; The Love Exit From Student Loan Debt

https://sellfy.com/p/pK6W/

Chapter 3:  Everyone Says Money is Not Important

On January 12 2026, Ladderane Arsole was sitting on the carpet on the living room she had shared with her husband for the past 8 years, she had gotten married at the age of 21 and now it was all over.  Her legs were bent parallel to her chest.  She had her arms wrapped below her knees and her head on the center, starring at the carpet covered in tears.  Her hair fell in all directions, she lifted her head when she felt the hands of Austin touch her hands.  “Don’t push me away from you,” as he held her hands tighter, part siting, part kneeling in front of her.  I am sorry, things ended like this for us.  They had just arrived from the City Hall of Paperton Massachusetts.  A small town that for the most part contained winter as the main weather, except for 2-4 months of hot summer. Perhaps strictly physical winter almost year round.    It was nearly mid-January, it had snowed this winter like never before, it seemed like a remote location of Alaska, there was enough snow piled on the side walks to almost reach the second story building of any row house of New England Architecture.  It’s funny, she was looking out the window towards her right, watching the snow falling, looking far beyond, at the other roofs of homes piled with snow.  What’s funny, Austin asked.  She turned to look at him, how people say we choose everything in our lives, they for example look at the neighborhood a person lives in, whether it is upper class, middle class or lower class and immediately associate the place with the choice a person made.  As if it was actually the person renting or buying that chose to make the architecture of the building the way it is.  We lived in an upper middle class neighborhood remarked Austin, laughing with the pronunciation of each syllable.  Ladderane, this isn’t our reality.  Think about the weather here in Paperton, MA. On the other hand, what about California, Hawaii, or New Zealand, it’s always around 70’s degrees Fahrenheit in San Diego California for example, well that changes the reality of the weather said Ladderane.  Look what we did today, signed divorce papers.  How many people are falling in love today, or how many couples could be buying their first home, or planning a wedding, the birth of a newborn child, someone somewhere at this very moment is celebrating something.  It’s not the end of the world for us although it may feel like it is.  He didn’t let her speak, he knew her too well to know what she would say next, probably her next sentence would have been, is this supposed to be some form of consolation?  So he let go of one of her hands and touched her cheek and caressed her chin, you are not crying because we ended, are you?  But he went on, you are crying because of the shame that this will bring upon you.  You are afraid to go back home, of facing your parents, although your parents are divorced and living in different countries themselves, my parent’s on the other hand are still together but it is a relationship of customs and traditions and the result, they never gave us support, yes but they at least put you through medical school.  Right Ladderane but look how it ended, I was just thrown out of residency for arguing with the chief resident.  You are afraid of facing your childhood friends, of going back to work and being asked constantly about your private affairs, not exactly said Ladderane, I dislike personal inquisitions not more than unsolicited advise. Ok more so Ladderane, perhaps you are already tired of what will be having to repeat yourself over and over again, with the same answers, but you will have to do it, you have no choice Ladderane. More tears rapidly fell from her eyes, as if he was reading far beyond places she couldn’t reach.  Nothing happens by mistake you know, we had chosen each other for a reason, what will you do now?  Where will you go? Asked Ladderane, his reply was: I am not going back to my parent’s home, although it’s nice to live in a sunny place, like California.  I suppose I should start packing up my boxes and sending them to my mother’s place said Ladderane, as she got up and began rapidly pulling from the closet all the clothed hangers.   Austin knew this only incremented her sorrow even more and he went upstairs to their bedroom.   Ladderane, not like this, listen I am not going back into residency.  My parents will never understand, they would love for me to sit again and apply again and never give up until I am finally a licensed (emphasis added) practicing medical doctor who never graduated outside the United States and was therefore properly trained to pass the exams on the first try, particularly the last exam, which is typically taken on the second year of residency, and I have what only 6 months of “experience.”  I can’t continue, maybe this is just all a sign that I should not go down that road.  

I have a proposal to make you, Ladderane stopped walking around back and forth, you are driving me insane walking between the closet and the boxes on the other side of the room, after two more rounds of going between the closet and the boxes, she sat on the carpet of the living room area of their bedroom, she glanced at him and he knew that she was ready to listen to what he had to say, he sat next to her and whispered…  They won’t know we are divorced, nobody.  You are the only person I trust, look I know everything is finished between us, I know you don’t trust me but look you will not sleep with me and I will not sleep with you.  We will be roommates until you fall in love and get married for real.  What if you fall in love first, what will happen to me?  You know… I am into intellectuality and rational relationships; I am not a dissociated romantic freak that unties emotions from the mind.  However, I am aware, although I disagree with you on the fact that my habits may have contributed to our marital problems because I know you will say next, what is so rational about pornography?  He once again indirectly reminded her of all the episodes, arguments and frustrations, which were brought up to her episodic memory instantaneously.  How would it be living with you Austin and having to deal with your habits, you will have your own room, ok we will figure it out, we will build a place, if necessary, making it big enough for both to be away from each other or rather not listening wall to wall to what the other person is doing.  Seriously Austin you are a freak, not letting go of one indirect remark, replied Ladderane, what is so freaking entertaining about watching a screen and imagining things that are not real, don’t you think that this will also affect your marriage if you do get married again?  You are too shy Ladderane, you have to learn to be more outgoing, let yourself loose sometimes, why are you so afraid of people?  I am not afraid, I just don’t like to answer all their remarks about private matters, and I don’t know how to be a people pleaser, you are better at that then I am.   You see we need each other Ladderane, you have what I lack and I have what you lack, maybe in terms of your outgoing personality, but not the pornography part.  Right you win Ladderane.  She had gotten up from the sofa, to pack more clothes, what are you doing? Obviously packing she said without thinking, no he replied.  Are you hungry? Lets do PF Changs?  Ok said Ladderane indifferently, remembering this was the restaurant where they had gone to celebrate on the night of their wedding day!  As they sat on the table of their dining room, eating specialty house vegetable fried rice with sweet and sour orange chicken he said, I have an idea, I am selling the Mercedes Benz, the one my father gave me as a present for finally getting into residency after the 5th try, approximately or more or less, that 75k gift will probably be a part payment of our first house.  I know I made you a promise, that I would pay back your student loans after I finished residency and started making almost half a million dollars a year.  I know your debts are somewhere around 70k, I know I asked you to back me up for a year paying my parents rent while I studied for the licensing exams during that time.  I know how much psychological stress I have caused on you.  I want you to know I am sincere about my promises, I will pay back your loans, I don’t care if you don’t want to be with me any longer, if you stopped loving me.  If you feel and sense everything differently then how I do.  I know you well enough and your background enough, to know your parents have hurt you far more psychologically, by neglect to their responsibilities because you didn’t follow what they wanted for you, obedience, in all respects or maybe the payment of your studies under the condition that you couldn’t have a personal life.  I know that you and your mother don’t get along, have never understood each other, so why would I send you back there? Or allow you to go there, why would I send you to another country? When your father is reaching an age that he can no longer work and the money he has saved is for his retirement, although I believe they should of helped you financially with your studies or otherwise you should of gone to live with him when you had the chance, even if you had to sacrifice personal relationships, I know you were betrayed by your first boyfriend who promised he would marry you and convinced you to stay in the States to go to college instead of going back to live with your dad, who would of paid for your medical school and we would of probably ended up together in the same school or seen each other at the hospitals, but you didn’t go to the Caribbean, while you were confused between business school or medical school.  I know you, I know your frustrations, and just as you know the almost daily arguments I have had with my parents.  I am sorry I had asked you to live with me in their house, when you had told me that you would never ever accept living with your father or mother in law because every marriage needs their own space.  I know my parents had the means to have helped us be on our own.  They could of helped us, but chose not to because of the experiences they themselves had with my brothers, their marriages which ended in divorces and all the money they poured into their marriages and homes and business startup, as wedding gifts.  I know I am the one paying for the mistakes my brothers made in their lives.  As they said, they would no longer help any of their sons get marry to end up in divorce.  Nobody is the way they are for no reason, you thought they had something against you but they have their own frustrations themselves.  What if you change your mind and decide to go back to medicine.  No Ladderane, that is no longer an option.  Austin’s words were calm and confident.  So where are we going?  Tomorrow we will do research, meanwhile I am going to the unemployment office to claim compensation for up to 6 months time, that will buy us some time, I will probably apply for a job at any of the other hospitals, you can finish your online semester, since you only have this semester to go and then you are done.  I know you selected to take all your classes online to be able to be with me here as your school is a 4-day drive from here.  I can also apply for a job at the bank, I would like for you to finish your semester without working that way you can concentrate better.  I don’t want you working in the streets period.  It doesn’t matter if you are no longer my wife.  I made a promise that I will look after you for life; regardless if and when you do get married I am still responsible for you for life.  Ladderane laughed and Austin couldn’t resist, they were both laughing hysterically like a pair of siblings would at a common joke.

As he walked out the door, she got up from the table and cleared the table, while putting away the leftovers. Ladderane, call me if you need anything, I don’t think it will take longer than 30 minutes.  She was pleased to know that a half-hour usually meant 1 hour and 15 minutes, so she didn’t say a word. She did not want to approve of his false affirmation nor argue any longer.  During that time she packed all their things into boxes, carefully labeling all the boxes appropriately, yet missing their destination.  She felt strange, wasn’t she supposed to part her own way?  But at the same time, she never got any form of support from her parents, no wedding financing, no house or apartment as a wedding gift, something she had witnessed and experienced in her teenage years, as people she knew at the time were tying the knot, gifts such as an apartment to the daughter were common, in case of divorce, the parents never wanted to see their own daughters feel humiliated or shame, but rather loved, like the unconditional love of God, since it would have been the groom in case of divorce, that would had to leave the house, if the bride’s parents purchased a residence, as a wedding gift.  She never got any kind of support, not even full payment for her university studies to begin with, not even a car, she had to get her first job at the age of 14 because her mother was so stingy and wouldn’t buy her anything she wanted, not even select her own clothes, it seemed that her parent’s divorce and economic divorce also meant a complete divorce from parental obligations. She felt an emptiness that arouse from the external world, like there was something missing from her life that she could never fulfilled, since it came from the initial nuclear family to which she was once undoubtedly a part of, until she turned 9 years old, but wait a minute, but weren’t they all alive and supposed to stay together in the fortunate absence of tragedies? She felt restricted, the thoughts of going back to live with her mother, reminded her of the obscene language used by her mother every time she failed to successfully manipulate her daughter, and just thinking of the memories drove her sick, due to the cultural absorption and the nourishment of the uneducated ego her mother never polished, yes she could have had been free of student loans had she left her first boyfriend and gone to study in another country, while living within the strict convictions of her father, but she didn’t want to lose the guy that later ended up betraying her anyway, and now that things were over with Austin, she felt she could never trust any other man, staying abstinent and single for life seemed like a possibility.  Looking at her other options, she didn’t want to go back to her mother’s place nor travel to the Caribbean to live with her stringent father, while on a piled of 70k of student loans and a salary barely sufficient to cover the first 500 dollars of payments effectively with the wages of a third world country. She didn’t want to be driven insane with arguments, every other day, one way or another, in that case she thought it would be best to take upon Austin’s offer and to live with Austin and follow the unknown plan.

Wow it’s smells great in here, were the words that Austin pronounced as he re-entered the temporary apartment they were now occupying in Paperton, MA.  Everything was polished and clean and in labeled boxes, Ladderane only left outside of the boxes, the bare essentials and she thought if there was anything needed she would get it by reopening the boxes, but perhaps buy it if necessary.  Austin’s hands were full of bags, he had gone for groceries and an inflatable bed for his new room, the study room, which was now emptied, all the boxes were placed in the balcony, which was made 2 months ago, into a rain protected storage space.  She glanced at him and then ignored everything he said, she felt free from having to respond or ask anything, although he continued…  I went to the unemployment office, he paused, but she didn’t say a word, and I will be collecting unemployment for a year.  You know what happened?  She just looked at him and turned her face away without moving her lips.  I explained what happened to me at the hospital to the lady attending me today and she gave me the business card of this really tough objectivist lawyer.  I’m ready to sue the hospital.  Tears fell from Ladderane’s eyes, no don’t worry about it, said Austin, we will still go to the Canary Islands.  The Canary Islands, asked Ladderane astonished?  Yes, by the way what did you use to clean up in here it smells amazing, oh it’s a ½ gallon of my own cleaning formula replied Ladderane, is mineral based, it fights off bacteria naturally, yes but the fragrance is amazing, I mixed grapefruit with wild berries, all natural fragrance.  That’s great, maybe it’s good enough to sell.  Who knows maybe I can put up a store of natural products in the Canary Islands. How did you come up with this idea by the way ? My mother’s side of the family, some of our genealogy is spread around there and I always have had an interest in those islands.