Reality is more absurd than the fiction based on reality in To Do the Deal at Bed and Bunk!

(May 29, 2015) The Washington Post published a feature ripped from our headlines! “Springing into Action” by Monica Hesse deploys the same deadpan humor in her story about real mattress salesmen that Baker uses in “To Do the Deal at Bed and Bunk,” her fictional tale about Kenneth Bodine’s stint in mattress sales. Note the creative color in this graph from the newspaper article:

Shaun adjusted the Mylar balloons he’d tied at the same height on every bed frame. People occasionally told Shaun that he was over-the-top — obsessive, even — but he believed this effort had brought him to where he was, rising through Mattress Warehouse as a stock boy, delivery driver, sales associate and, finally, store manager at a smaller location, where he was working when he sold the Aireloom. The $13,000 Aireloom had been the most expensive mattress in the store, until the early January day when an elegant horse breeder came to buy it.

Is that great writing, or what? Now here’s a test. Which of the following two excerpts is from the Post story, and which is from Baker’s short story?

EXCERPT 1

The young couple, Brian’s customers, were trying to make their first joint mattress purchase — a very firm one, please — but they tried several without success, and eventually Brian was stumped. “Shaun?” he called. “Do you have any suggestions?”

Shaun had a feeling, related to a salesman slogan he’d once heard: “Buyers are liars.” It didn’t mean people intentionally lied. It meant sometimes they didn’t know what they wanted until they were lying on it — so he tried the firm-mattress couple on a slightly softer bed.

“Oh, this is nice,” the boyfriend said.

“You want to feel something really nice?” Shaun said, and led them across a few aisles.

“Oh, wow,” said the girlfriend, lying down on the appointed mattress.

“I never expected this out of a bed,” said the boyfriend.

EXCERPT 2

The customer asked Kenneth the typical questions about warranties, free delivery, removal of the despised old mattress. Kenneth answered the questions and then walked back to his desk. Customers need space to think. After a few moments, the man approached the rear. Kenneth pretended to be too engrossed in paperwork to notice.

“Excuse me.”

“Oh! Yes, sir?”

“How do I know if I want a hard or a soft mattress?”

“Good question, sir. Intelligent question. Come over here.”

Jodi, who liked to hear the play-by-plays when Kenneth came home from work, had nicknamed this stage of the game “the Goldilocks test.” Along the side wall of the floor stood three mattresses in a row: one soft, one hard, one medium. Customers would be instructed to lie down fully on each one. According to Bed & Bunk sales training, the primary purpose of this procedure was to give customers a sense of various mattress densities. It was Jodi’s opinion that this also served to make customers feel foolish and vulnerable, as if they have made use of property that wasn’t theirs and owed the store something.

If you like this kind of prose, you’ll like Baker’s whole book. Makes for great beddtime reading!