I didn’t think a food could actually work its way to the douchebag section of this literary work, but I was wrong. I only kept it in the miscellaneous chapter out of spite, but seriously I could have gone the other way.

How could a company take something as wholesome and American as mustard and turn it into the rich kid in high school that everyone wants to beat up? Congratulations, corporate America, I’ll meet you in the bathroom to impose your standard issue wedgie / swirly combination.