A review of ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie.

In the beginning, I hated this book. I abhorred it from the depths of my heart. Partially, it was so because I had terrible preconceived notions about it. I had picked this book essentially as a ‘fun’ book in the midst of all that heavy reading, so that I can laugh through the whole text and write a sinister 1-star review at the end. Ripping apart the book and its philosophy in my review would have given me great pleasure. Unfortunately, as I read it through and finished it finally, I’m just unable to exhibit the contempt I had originally planned. 

In the first few pages/chapters of the book, your skeptical self might see the whole thing as a program to turn you into a manipulative creature that considers ‘flattery’ a way of life, the whole theme of this ‘being-friendly’ conspiracy isn’t as bad as you might like to think, especially if you allow yourself to be a little less cynical. The book basically teaches you to be a ‘nice’ person. And while niceness is an inherent quality, sparkled only upon the blessed ones, those individuals who can’t help being ‘not nice’ due to several psychological and societal reasons may, I stress may, benefit from consciously employing some of the tricks explained by Mr. Carnegie. 

But why, you may ask, one should even consider being nice? Well. This is a difficult question – a question I’ve myself puzzled over at various odd times in the night. I think I’m close to getting a tentative answer. It goes like this: The world is full of people. And it is getting fuller and fuller. Look around you, idiot. No matter what you do or pursue, you’ll, ultimately, in some way or manner, small or big, end up with having to interact with these people around you. You can romanticize being a total recluse, you can go to great lengths convincing yourself that you don’t need friends or favors, that you’ll get it all done by yourself and so on – but you will, at some point, find yourself utterly alone and may, may have that tiny little doubt arising in you one more time and asking you, again and again, “Why, why? Why couldn’t you make friends? Why couldn’t you ask for help? Why?” Nevertheless, I salute thee if you do pull off such a life. You might actually get something done that is worthwhile after all. Besides, you don’t have a choice anyway. Nobody does. Moving on, if you’re not that crazy, it will be a good idea to learn to deal with people around you in the most efficient manner. Learn that thing, diplomacy, you see. Politics-sholitics. It will take you places.

Some interesting tactics that I learnt and still remember from the book:

1) On a day to day basis, when chatting with friends/family, seriously avoid getting into debates. Maybe you’re right, maybe you will ‘win’ the debate by throwing all your facts and intellect in the face of the other person, but you might not be able to truly change the mindset of your opponent. Humans tend to nurture their ego incessantly in such matters, and no matter what you say, your opponent is likely to continue to believe what he/she originally believed in spite of all your logic and eloquence. Instead, a better approach, is to first befriend the hostile creature, agree to its diametrically opposite views and slowly and steadily introduce your ideas in its head. Inception, yaar, simple. 

2) Whenever you give a review or an opinion, no matter how shitty the object is and no matter how loathsome it is to you, it is good idea to wrap your criticism in a blanket of sincere praise. Begin and end with praise, for example. In the past, I’ve been guilty of showering my honest opinions on several objects (both living and non-living), and I now realize that I’ve been somewhat stupid. I don’t know how much I will be able to improve myself in the future, but from now on, I can, at least, proceed with calculated stupidity. 

Gawd, I’m tired of writing this now. Go read this book if you are really into knowing these tactics, etc. Don’t make me write all of them for you. 

Final Verdict : The title pretty much says it all. Also, if you think you need a couple of hundred more friends on Facebook – this is the book for you.

Rating: 3/5