Today's Edition
Greetings, citizens. My name is – well, that's not really important right now. What is important is that you're tuned in to the latest dispatch from Today's Edition!
HARMIN LUCKSTONE DANCING WITH TRAITORS! We all know him from such captivating films as The Spy Who Terminated Me, From G Sector With Love, and Loyaltymember. Harmin Luckstone's characters are happy, peppy, and fun in the face of adversity and certain death at the hands of villainous masterminds. “You're powered up! Your terminating!” Over the yearstretches, this infamous battle cry has been etched in our adoring hearts. Now Harmin Luckstone – that fearless hero! – is taking patriotism to the next level. With the upcoming release of his first and most certainly groundbreaking documentary, Dancing With Traitors, Harmin Luckstone has definitively proven that what he can accomplish on-screen is just as masterfully replicated off. In this magnum opus of undercover reporting, Harmin Luckstone infiltrates a lair of hardboiled terrorists and personally reveals the sordid details of their criminal degeneracy. Milfred Roth – in association with Adjunct Entertainment, a private firm associated with Human Resources – is unflinchingly enthusiastic about the new project. In his own words: “Harmin Luckstone is the Bunker's proverbial arm of vengeance. Of course the man has decided to bring his fearsome (but family-oriented) capacity for violence and seduction to bear on traitors and ripe women in the real world! In fact, there are rumors that his feature films have all been documentaries... What's that? No, I cannot comment any further. This interview is over!”
And now a word from our sponsors!
Everyone's heard about The Good Neighborhood Runner, Harmin Luckstone's latest spy-action film. Laced with a tantalizing panoply of comic riposte and erotic interlude, it is sure to leave you clinging to the edge of your seat! The Good Neighborhood Runner. We all have one, of course. Vigilant custodians of the sanctity of our barracks, dormitories, and residential complexes, they pop in on us unasked from time to time and take a quick look around. These are good-natured folk whose task is to ensure that Control's Guidelines are being followed to the letter, even in our bunks and cleaning stations. We can share a joke with them, a bit of gossip perhaps, but it's all in good fun! But what happens when the citizen we rely on to safeguard the peace and security of our homes should be tempted by the wily ways of the evil terrorist? How many teeth will be pulled out and genitals subjected to electrocution? How many beautiful youths will be held down, tied up, and ravaged? The Good Neighborhood Runner. You'll never take the peace and quiet of home for granted again.
HARMIN LUCKSTONE FILM CREW ARRESTED! A Search and Extraction Team descended upon Adjunct Entertainment's studios in T-2 sector several daystretches ago and arrested vidstar and Beta clearance citizen Harmin Luckston's entire film crew in one fell swoop. Homeland Security has since indicated that the charges are fraternizing with the enemy. The management team of Adjunct Entertainment was unavailable for comment, and in the hourstretches after the arrests the private firm was mysteriously unincorporated. It is doubtful we will ever understand how so many traitors could have labored for so long in plain view of so many loyal people. At least we can rest assured that our corridors are finally safe from their devious machinations.
HARMIN LUCKSTONE FEATURE DELAYED! Delta-clearance citizen Marsha Wong, event coordinator at Human Resource's Public Diplomacy division and confirmed patrioloyalot, has used her vetting authority to delay the release of Harmin Luckstone's newest feature film, The Good Neighborhood Runner. No reason has been given. Thought Leader and Delta-clearance citizen Hillary Binzer was seen leaving Marsha's offices not long before the announcement. Any seeming connection between this delay and the recent box-office flop of its predecessor, Control We Have A Problem, is pure speculation and cannot be corroborated by the facts.
DEAR EDITOR, It runs against all logic that The Good Neighborhood Runner has been pulled from the screen before it even got there! The infomercials stalking the metro for weekstretches on end have all been perfectly clear that its release was – like the current Terrorist Alert Level – 'unavoidable'. Harmin Luckstone's movies are greatly appreciated by everyone. We cybots certainly enjoy seeing the blood and entrails and other sticky things that come out of human beings when they are opened up unexpectedly! Even more alarming, no timeframe has been announced for the film's eventual release. Cybots are incapable of feeling emotion, and I do not wish to invite the appearance of conveying falsehoods. I am merely concerned about propriety and a smooth, orderly unfolding of highly anticipated events. Deleteriously yours, Cybot 0x91EE07A6.
DEAR CYBOT 0X91EE07A6, the Bunker is a utopia. Everything already works perfectly the way it is. Thanks for taking the time to write to us.
That's all the time we have for today, folks. On behalf of the staff here at Today's Edition, it was a pleasure to serve you. Until next weekstretch!
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
HARMIN LUCKSTONE DANCING WITH TRAITORS! We all know him from such captivating films as The Spy Who Terminated Me, From G Sector With Love, and Loyaltymember. Harmin Luckstone's characters are happy, peppy, and fun in the face of adversity and certain death at the hands of villainous masterminds. “You're powered up! Your terminating!” Over the yearstretches, this infamous battle cry has been etched in our adoring hearts. Now Harmin Luckstone – that fearless hero! – is taking patriotism to the next level. With the upcoming release of his first and most certainly groundbreaking documentary, Dancing With Traitors, Harmin Luckstone has definitively proven that what he can accomplish on-screen is just as masterfully replicated off. In this magnum opus of undercover reporting, Harmin Luckstone infiltrates a lair of hardboiled terrorists and personally reveals the sordid details of their criminal degeneracy. Milfred Roth – in association with Adjunct Entertainment, a private firm associated with Human Resources – is unflinchingly enthusiastic about the new project. In his own words: “Harmin Luckstone is the Bunker's proverbial arm of vengeance. Of course the man has decided to bring his fearsome (but family-oriented) capacity for violence and seduction to bear on traitors and ripe women in the real world! In fact, there are rumors that his feature films have all been documentaries... What's that? No, I cannot comment any further. This interview is over!”
And now a word from our sponsors!
Everyone's heard about The Good Neighborhood Runner, Harmin Luckstone's latest spy-action film. Laced with a tantalizing panoply of comic riposte and erotic interlude, it is sure to leave you clinging to the edge of your seat! The Good Neighborhood Runner. We all have one, of course. Vigilant custodians of the sanctity of our barracks, dormitories, and residential complexes, they pop in on us unasked from time to time and take a quick look around. These are good-natured folk whose task is to ensure that Control's Guidelines are being followed to the letter, even in our bunks and cleaning stations. We can share a joke with them, a bit of gossip perhaps, but it's all in good fun! But what happens when the citizen we rely on to safeguard the peace and security of our homes should be tempted by the wily ways of the evil terrorist? How many teeth will be pulled out and genitals subjected to electrocution? How many beautiful youths will be held down, tied up, and ravaged? The Good Neighborhood Runner. You'll never take the peace and quiet of home for granted again.
HARMIN LUCKSTONE FILM CREW ARRESTED! A Search and Extraction Team descended upon Adjunct Entertainment's studios in T-2 sector several daystretches ago and arrested vidstar and Beta clearance citizen Harmin Luckston's entire film crew in one fell swoop. Homeland Security has since indicated that the charges are fraternizing with the enemy. The management team of Adjunct Entertainment was unavailable for comment, and in the hourstretches after the arrests the private firm was mysteriously unincorporated. It is doubtful we will ever understand how so many traitors could have labored for so long in plain view of so many loyal people. At least we can rest assured that our corridors are finally safe from their devious machinations.
HARMIN LUCKSTONE FEATURE DELAYED! Delta-clearance citizen Marsha Wong, event coordinator at Human Resource's Public Diplomacy division and confirmed patrioloyalot, has used her vetting authority to delay the release of Harmin Luckstone's newest feature film, The Good Neighborhood Runner. No reason has been given. Thought Leader and Delta-clearance citizen Hillary Binzer was seen leaving Marsha's offices not long before the announcement. Any seeming connection between this delay and the recent box-office flop of its predecessor, Control We Have A Problem, is pure speculation and cannot be corroborated by the facts.
DEAR EDITOR, It runs against all logic that The Good Neighborhood Runner has been pulled from the screen before it even got there! The infomercials stalking the metro for weekstretches on end have all been perfectly clear that its release was – like the current Terrorist Alert Level – 'unavoidable'. Harmin Luckstone's movies are greatly appreciated by everyone. We cybots certainly enjoy seeing the blood and entrails and other sticky things that come out of human beings when they are opened up unexpectedly! Even more alarming, no timeframe has been announced for the film's eventual release. Cybots are incapable of feeling emotion, and I do not wish to invite the appearance of conveying falsehoods. I am merely concerned about propriety and a smooth, orderly unfolding of highly anticipated events. Deleteriously yours, Cybot 0x91EE07A6.
DEAR CYBOT 0X91EE07A6, the Bunker is a utopia. Everything already works perfectly the way it is. Thanks for taking the time to write to us.
That's all the time we have for today, folks. On behalf of the staff here at Today's Edition, it was a pleasure to serve you. Until next weekstretch!
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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