I have a superpower – and it’s a nightmare. I am one step away from buying myself a red Swingline and calling myself Milton (Office Space reference). Or, I could go OitNB and mime Chang and her invisibility prowess. Either way, I feel like most days, I am practically non-existent at work. This has been a feeling for a while; I’m genuinely surprised when people know my name because most of the time, I feel  like people don’t know me at all – or even know what I do there.

This could just be the way I feel and I’ve got a skewed perception of myself. Maybe it’s because my office is in the corner of the building down a quiet hall and I am an introvert anyway. Maybe it’s because my anxiety had raised year after year and now I can barely manage to talk to anyone I don’t already know – and forget about me going anywhere unless I absolutely need to. Even now, talking to the three people that read my posts makes me feel close to having a panic attack.

It’s one thing to be antisocial and it’s another thing to completely fear being social. Someday, I hope to get over this, but I feel like I’m so stuck in a rut and people just expect me to not attend social functions or anything. I guess I’m just frustrated – with myself, with the feeling of being totally inconsequential. I know what the problems are, but I don’t know how to address them.