Hello my lovelies, tis I, back with another How Not post. This week, I’m tackling the unimaginable, the unthinkable, the bad review. (Gasp!) Now,  so far, the only critique I’ve received on my book is one person thought it was just a bit too long. I’m sure, as more and more reviews come in, I will face far harsher criticisms. I’d like to say I’ve braced for it. On some super logical level, I have accepted the fact that not everybody will love my book. Sort of. I’ve sort of accepted that. Kind of.

That being said, I thought I would handle the stages of grief in relation to a bad review and all the ways you should absolutely NOT handle them when that fateful day finally arrives. And because I am a shameless gif whore and love, love, love Dylan O’Brien, I will be combining two of my favorite things and using gifs of Dylan O’Brien to beautify this blog post. You’re welcome.

Also, side note: if you are wondering who my dream cast would be for Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things–of course you are–I would cast Dylan O’Brien in every roll. All of them. Even Isa. Even the dog. I don’t care. It could be a one man show. That’s how much I love him. But even if I couldn’t convince him to play any roles, he will forever be Quinn in my mind. Case closed.

So, let us begin.

It’s happened. You’ve received your first negative review.

I know, I was shocked too. You put so much of yourself into that book. You bled onto the page and here comes some smug, clearly delusional…troglodyte…to say that your book was ____________

Of course, you knew this was coming and can handle it because you are a grown up.

Well, sort of…

One bad review doesn’t mean anything. So many people love your book. You’re just going to brush it off because you’re awesome.

But, later, maybe ten minutes, maybe ten days, you start to think about it.

Maybe you are having a bad day already. Maybe you have writer’s block or you’re on your period or maybe you’ve just finally really had a minute to think about what this person said.

You start to doubt yourself

Maybe they were right? Maybe you really do suck and all your friends are just being nice to you. Maybe only your mom likes your writing. Maybe blindfolded ferrets running over a keyboard do write better than you. You start to feel like this.

You start to get sad.

Stiles sad.

Stiles having a panic attack sad.

Stiles being mercilessly tormented by a nogitsune sad. If you don’t know what that means, trust me, it’s gutwrenching. Screw you, Jeff Davis.

But then, you turn cold.

Your sadness turns to rage.

You swear you will avenge your name and the name of your family. You will bath in the blood of your enemies.

No? Okay, maybe maybe that’s just me. Maybe you don’t have borderline personality disorder.

Maybe it’s just anger. White, hot vengeful anger. You start thinking you have some choice words for Mr./Ms. Thinks-They-Have-The-Right-to-Criticize-Your-Book . (Shut up, it’s their married name). You want to respond to your critic.

To calmly explain to them that clearly they have their heads lodged firmly up their-nevermind.

I mean, you just want to talk to them…right?

You are totally just going to have a nice, rational conversation with them.

Just an adult discussion.

You just want to explain to them that they should reconsider…

Okay, STOP. I understand the sudden need to commit homicide. I really do. I understand wanting to confront your snarky reviewer, especially if they were unnecessarily, gleefully cruel.

Even if they took a samarai sword to your fragile ego.

BUT nothing good ever comes from this.

Don’t look at me like that, I’m serious. I promise, nobody will cheer you on when you verbally beat down your critics, even if you know you could eviscerate them with your razor sharp wit.

You need to take a moment and reflect on how many positive reviews you’ve gotten.

Think about the people who love you and your work.

Remember that you are awesome and even the most famous bestselling author has had some extremely brutal criticisms. And your going to get bad reviews throughout the course of your long and profitable career. Some valid and helpful.

Some that will make you do this:

All you can do is pause, take a minute to evaluate whether this is constructive criticism you should really take to heart and work on or if this is just one person’s opinion and, in the grand scheme of things, not worth the amount of tears and murderous imaginings you’ve been wasting your valuable writing time conjuring in your mind.

Most often, you will find it’s the latter. So all you can do is shake it off and remember you are awesome, dammit, and people like you.

So channel your best inner void Stiles and tell the haters…

And no amount of crappy reviews are going to stop you from doing what you love.

Tune in next time when I tackle another How Not post.

Oh, and enjoy this bonus gif because his eyes are just so freaking pretty.