I have been single for “years” now.  I have dated men (cough, boys, cough) for short periods of time here and there – but nothing serious.  I have mastered the art of the first date:  small talk, eat light, no more than two drinks, don’t give it up, blah blah blah.  But to be fair – I am so tired of saying what I do for a living I have been making things up and I am bored to tears after I order an appetizer and hoping for projectile food poisoning.

There must be a better way to filter out the ones not worthy of our time.

And I have found it.  Forget small talk.  Send this questionnaire to your date to find out if he (or she) is deserving of your time.  To the naked eye these questions may seem dull, or odd – but the answers will really reveal who your potential partner really is.

For example: #28 – If you slept in a bunk bed with the girl you’re dating would you take the top or bottom bunk and why?

If he chooses bottom, he may be a sleep walker, or have to wake up and go to the bathroom 5 times in a night…these could be deal breakers for you.

If he chooses top bunk, he may have bad gas – hot air rises – and do you want a walking whoopee cushion as a boyfriend?

By analyzing these simple questions with their answers provided we can avoid the grueling first date and find our prince charming!

Print this off and send it to your next potential mate and see what they say:

 

Pre-First Date Questionnaire

Have you ever worn nylons?
Do you match your socks to your ties?
Are woman always right around “that time of the month”?
Golf much?
Are you either a ninja or vampire?
Have you ever had your eyebrows shaved off at a party?
Beer or wine?
Thongs or boxers?
Do you ever get manicures?
Pedicures?
Do you play video games more than 8 minutes per year?
Do you like women with lip hair?
What year is it?
Have you ever streaked at a sports event?
Current IQ?
Pajamas or buck vulnerable?
Tap or shake?
Sit or stand?
Slap or tickle?
Again have you ever worn nylons?
Camping or five star?
Do you floss regularly?
How often is regularly ?
Have you ever been caught picking your nose at a red light?
If so what how did you recover from it?
Long walks on the beach or trail hike?
Trimmed, shaved or natural (on you of course)?
If you slept in a bunk bed with the girl you’re dating would you take the top or bottom bunk and why?
Window or aisle?
Have you ever worn the same pair of ginch two days in a row?
Do you play Mahjong Tiles?
Do you sleep with socks on?
How many liters of drool does your pillow consume per year?
Have you ever had to ring your pillow out after good night sleep?
Do you have to trim your nose hair?
If yes, do you trim your nose hair?
Do you enjoy unloading dishwashers?
Have you ever cried during the movie the notebook?
Have you ever screamed after zipping up?
Are you a proud owner of a George Foreman grill?
Speedo or trunks?
Do you have a criminal record?
How many pink shirts do you own?
Do you have allergies?
Are you irritating?
Seat up or down?
Is your father hot?
Does your mom still do your laundry?
Do you have any body hair to justify the question do you shed?
Were you the kid in grade 3 with head lice?
Do you like the smell of white out?
Smoke or stir the pot?
Have you ever worn headgear?
Do you like camping?
If so have you ever pitched a tent?
Without a calculator answer the following: 2234659 × 4+992436×447690+4 =
Do you believe in the law of gravity?
If no, have you ever fallen out of a tree?
Have you ever had to wear a “breath rite nasal strip” to bed?
Can you play a mean banjo?
Can you play a mean jazz flute?
Have you ever heard laughter at a urinal?
Moles?
Moles avec hair?
Have you ever broken a golf club against your shin?
What does San Diego mean?
Have you ever put your jock strap up to your mouth, taken a deep breath and pretended you were Darth Vader?
Has the theme song to jeopardy ever played through your head after hearing the question “how are you”?
Do you like to be given a ton of options?
Candyland or snakes and ladders?
How’s the bellybutton lint situation?
Have you ever put a Pringle on your shoulder and walked around announcing that you have a chip on your shoulder?
Bunions?
Have you ever made shadow puppets in the nude?
Were they “big” shadows?
Have you ever been glared at as the wrongdoer in an elevator?
Is your therapist on speed dial?
Your mom?
Do you have siblings?
If so how many and where are you placed (oldest, middle, youngest, only)?
Do you speak any languages?
Is chivalry dead?
Do girls like flowers?
Do you know how to make outgoing calls from your phone?
Do you know how to test message?
Batman or Superman?
Are you familiar with the term “crop dusting”?
Japanese or Chinese (food)?
Do your pets consist of “dust bunnies”?
Do you own a vacuum?
Do you have more than 3 roommates?
Do you have a checking account?
What was the last book you read?
Did you ever own a flip phone?
If we were eating pizza and there was one slice left, who would get it?
Can you cook?
Do you like a girl with a sense of humor?
Do you think I am extremely funny?
Please discuss:
Is there anything else you’d like to add to this questionnaire:

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