This is very personal, and somewhat difficult to share. I feel like God wants me to share it, though. So, here goes.

I guess I should begin by saying I was raised in a Christian home my entire life. I was the youngest of 3 daughters… a true “Daddy’s girl”. I had been protected all my life.. and even tho I knew vaguely that bad things happen…well, surely it wouldn’t happen to me. I was a daughter of God, right ? Yes… I was very naive. An acquaintance introduced me to a man when I was about 18 or 19. I fell head over heels in love with him: even tho he wasn’t in any kind of church at all. He had been raised Baptist, or so he said. He proposed and I accepted. He was driving a semi cross country at the time. He was from the same area in AR that my dad grew up in– he knew some of my relatives. Several people that I knew tried to convince me not to marry him: they said they didn’t trust him.

Well, in my innocent defense.. I felt like they had no right to judge him when they didn’t know him! My wedding was set for July.. he came to town and for various reasons, he had to leave a couple of days before the wedding. The day dawned beautifully… but the hours went by and there was no groom. I called the church 2 hours before the wedding and cancelled it. I found out later my pastors wife had moved my gown to a different room and she broke down and started crying when she touched it. That family was up all night that night praying for me. But, I didn’t know that then.

My fiance called and made his excuses…he had gotten to town later than he planned. He saw no reason we couldn’t still be married that night…. Well, I believed him yet again.

I postponed the wedding until October though. We got married at my parent’s house. I felt like God had personally blessed me with the “perfect” guy. We moved to Boise, Idaho the next September. All this time, he had been trucking and mostly, I stayed at my parents house except for a month when I rode with him.

I was pregnant with our son when we moved to Idaho in the fall. He agreed to give trucking up so we could be a family.. he did it for me… or so I thought. He never really physically abused me at all. He whipped me, once. Only once. I promised him that if he ever did it again, he would more than regret it. He believed me. He was charming, fun to be around.

By October, I knew there was a lot that he wasn’t telling me. I couldn’t be that naive. He left in November for a “business” trip. He had started his own business.. and because I am a Christian, I won’t get too graphic. I simply found out he made a profit on women and leave it at that.

When I phoned his stepfather, I was informed that he had married me under his brother’s name. He also had a wife and son about 4 hours from where we were living: in Salt Lake City.

Suffice it to say, I took the next plane home. I couldn’t raise my son in that environment. The man broke my heart and for a long time, I allowed it to break my spirit. I raised our son alone, with my folk’s helping. I couldn’t trust anyone, even tho I depended on God to see me thru (and He did !). I never felt like I would ever be happy. That I didn’t even deserve to be. There wasn’t much said from the church family about my divorce (I found out my pastor basically told them they better not !! lol) But, I felt that things were different in how I was treated. I wasn’t asked to teach anymore… or do too much at all. It seemed as though everything I had ever known wasn’t the same, anymore. I felt so helpless and worthless. I lived for my son. I adored him and he made my life worth living.

My ex never had anything to do with us after I left him. The first few years of my son’s life, I was literally in so much emotional pain, I could barely concentrate. My son was my salvation. I felt like such a failure in every other area of my life. Time made it a little better, but I still didn’t trust any man. I knew there would never be one who’d love me & stay with me.

Anyway, I moved to another state in 1996 . In the winter of early 2000, God showed me that there would be more children in my life, a girl and a boy. My son was 16 now, and I saw no way in the world I would ever have more children. I couldn’t afford adoption on my salary! I prayed and told the Lord how impossible that it was. (Remember Sarah in the Bible? lol)

Then, I joined a Christian Single Parents Group online, to mainly converse with people who understood what it mean to be a single parent and a Christian. I met a man there, who knew my every thought and almost could tell what I was thinking before I thought it! We were married three months after we met and I couldn’t be happier. Oh, and guess what? He was divorced with a daughter and a son. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

God does things in HIS time … we just have to remember that HE is in control…not us !

Then.. for some reason… when our son was 20… my ex decided to make contact with him. Thru a series of coincidences, that I never thought I’d see, we have been able to come to peace with our past. We can actually communicate without hatred. Most of the time. Honestly, I had rather never talk to him, but that’s my humanity. I don’t hate him. I don’t. I’d rather ignore him, though.

All I can say is that miracles do indeed happen. I never thought we’d ever hear from him, ever. It’s been a long road, to come from the hurt and pain from where I was, to the peace that I feel right now. I owe it all completely to God. I know that I share my life with the man that God gave me. I have no doubts whatsoever that God designed our marriage. We’ve been married 15 years and we have NEVER had one argument. Not one. We laugh about it. We’ve disagreed, but we’ve never argued.

I am so blessed to know that peace, because I know how close I came to losing it completely and forever. Thank You, Father, for all that You have Blessed me with.