Happy post-Thanksgiving!

Or, as this time of year is known as in my house, oh-fuck-I-need-to-finish-Nano.

Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) takes places during November and I have participated for the last four years. The goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days.

I pulled it off, but this month has been a beast and honestly, I feel exhausted.

Like I’ve mentioned on Twitter, I’m having trouble adjusting to my new day job. My old job was a field position closely aligned with my actual education and though the hours were grueling, the pay was shit, and often the weather was unpleasant, I really loved it. I liked being alone (or damn near close to it) and I loved being out in the mountains and forests, the wilds of Montana where I feel most as home.

But… that position is seasonal. So, thus every year I’m required to search for new work during the cold winter months when field work is on hold. This new job is a bit outside my field, but it pays better and, as a bonus, it has indoor plumbing.

I just don’t really like it.

I only bring all this up to held explain my current headspace, which is sort of mix between Rob from High Fidelity existential malaise and Lester Burnham from American Beauty complacency. Meaning, that I think if I’m not really careful, I could become desperately unhappy.

‘Cause I am absolutely one of those people who never really has it figured out. I mean, I went to college for an embarrassingly long time, trying on majors and then moving on to new ones. And now I have several degrees and a tremendous,crushing, amount of student debt and I still can’t really find a job that is a)permanent/full time b)in my field c)pays decent or d)enjoyable, by which I mean, not soul crushing. So far, I’ve only found jobs that have 50% of that criteria.

Anyway, so work is taking some adjustment and then! Then! Because I’m a glutton for punishment and have poor impulse control, I signed up for my first Crossfit competition. I’m a decent Crossfitter, in that I got 6 times a week and enjoy in immensely, but I’m not a good Crossfitter. I can’t do a lot of the movements, but hey, why let that pesky detail stop me? I signed up, have been training like mad and that leads me to…

Oh yes. My favorite. The guilt. My brain is like this:

Work’s over for the day! Yay! Go work out.

No. You should write. You have books to finish, edits to make, words to write.

But the competition is coming up. You need to go to the gym.

You need to write.

Workout.

Write.

And round and round we go.

Plus, this month is Nano and that means writing a minimum of 1,667 words a day to finish on time. Usually, I try to make myself write 2,000 a words a day, but ….

I’ve been pretty exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Which means that I set goals for myself and haven’t reached them. I wanted Boneyard, book two of Thaumaturge to come out in November. I have the manuscript, back from my editor, and have two chapters edited so far. This book will requite major revision and I’m trying to summon the energy to tackle it.

I also wanted to get a Thaumaturge short out way back in October. That short is sitting on my desktop, 1/3 of the way finished.

For Nano, I’m working on a stand alone novel unrelated to Thaumaturge and while I did write 50,000 words this month, the novel is only about 2/3 of the way finished.

See, I was really over-confident. Over The Dead came out, I thought I totally had a handle on the whole writing thing, conveniently ignoring the fact that I wrote the first draft of The Dead when I was laid off last year. I banged that thing out in two months, no problem. I didn’t consider how difficult it would be, working full time, training 10 hours a week, writing every day. Plus, you know, I have a husband and a son. They need me too and while my husband is awesome and supportive and understanding, I know that often he gets shoved to the back burner and he doesn’t deserve that.

This is what I’ve decided. First, to give myself a break. Yes, I need to write everyday, even on the days I spend three hours in the gym. No, I don’t need to produce 3,000 new words. 500 words is great.

Second, to focus on one project at a time. I have four WIPS right now. I need to pick one and finish it.

I am setting a deadline for myself of December 31. One of my four project MUST be completed in one month’s time. I’d hoped to have 3 of those 4 projects completed, but see, it’s that kind of thinking that leaves me sleepiness at night, shaking with anxiety.

So to everyone that I told I would have new material out by October, November at the latest – I’m sorry. I really got cocky. I can’t promise that Boneyard will be published in December, but it is a top priority.

I can’t promise that the short will be out in December, but I have’t given up on it.

As always, thank you for reading. And thanks to those who have sent me tweets, messages, comments, reviews. You have no idea how much those mean to me, especially when I’m feeling down. So very appreciated.

The competition is next weekend, so I won’t be on social media much this week. I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving and happy holidays to all.

Cal